Blogsville! What’s good! I know it’s been a minute, been hard at work in the trenches man. Let me not lie, half of the time na blogs I dey read men. I saw Taurean Minx's Nige pics the other day...chei, she's hot o. In fact, o wa very bearriful. Babaalaye beware!
But on the real, I literally spent like one straight 24 hour period at the library last week. Some people have even been telling me to quit blogging until after my exams, but i can't leave y'all man. Not for nothing. It’s all good though, it’ll be over soon.
The weekend was great men. We hit the club on Friday night, and it was a such a laugh. If you know me, then you know I’m a serial clowner. I love clowning girls I talk to, ‘cos their reaction usually tells you what they’re like. Really confident women usually just laugh or clown you back. The arrogant or insecure ones just get really pissed quickly. Anyways, so this girl came up to our table on Friday and struck up a conversation with me. She was actually quite hot-looking, and I gathered she was a Nige babe ‘cos of her name. Men the girl had to be one of the fakest people I’d ever met and I swear after like fifteen minutes, you’d have thought it was a job interview.
Me- So where do you usually party?
Chick-Well I come here a lot, I also love Crystal and Boujis…..
Me- Boujis abi? How long have you been in England for?
Chick- Errrm….since 2003
Me- Wow, only four years. So why are you giving me the hard British accent now?
Chick- It’s just the way I talk.
Me- Yeah right. I moved to England when I was 14, and I’m not speaking to you with a British accent.
Chick- Well, I lived in England when I was very young so….
Me-Really? Awon English babes….
At some point during the conversation, the babe tells me how great a cook she is, so I ask her what she can cook.
Chick- I make very lovely Spaghetti Bolognese, sirloin steak, stuff like that.
I’m looking bored.
Me-That’s it? What else?
Chick- I can actually make nice mussel pasta too….
What the? Is this girl drunk? I’m sure she’s an amala specialist.
Me- I mean, you’re telling me you can cook all these things that I could just pick up from an Italian spot. Matter of fact, I can cook most of that stuff myself. What’s sexy to me is a girl who can cook Nige food. Now that’s hot.
Chick- Well I can cook jollof rice, fried rice, stew….
Me- Really? It’s getting a little more interesting now. How about more traditional stuff? Like efo?
Chick- Oh spinach? I’m great at that!
Me- Nice..what else?
Chick- I can also make this soup, I can’t remember the name of it now….errr..
Me- You can’t remember what it’s called?? Hmm…..what’s it look like?
Chick- Well it’s usually very dark, and it draw….it’s gooey….kinda like okra….
Me- Gooey abi?
Chick- Yes….errr….
The joker almost said “it draws.”
Me- Ogbono?
Chick- Yes! That’s it.
Me- You’re telling me you didn’t remember it was called that?
Chick- Haha, I did. I just didn’t wanna say it.
Me- ‘Cos you think it’s not cute to say ‘ogbono?’
The babe was just sitting there laughing o.
Chick- It’s not cute at all.
If I slap this razz babe. I swear I was so irritated I felt like pouring my drink over her head. Ah ah! How pretentious can people be? I bet you she speaks some ethnic Nigerian language at home and chops slap whenever her popsi’s eba is not ready on time! Joker.
It’s amazing how fake people are men. Keep it real!
Meanwhile the boys and I had a very deep conversation about it the other day. Guys were just chilling, shacking henny and red bull as usual, and we were talking about…..believe it or not…luuurve. Hehe, I know what you’re thinking. Meeeen, I think it’s the quarter-life syndrome men. You start thinking you’ve been there and done that, and kinda wanna settle down right?
Anyhow, it was me, Prettyboy, Roroski and the gang. Prettyboy said you know you’ve found the one when you can honestly be yourself around her all the time. Hmm, my theory was…..you know you’re in love when you know you’re down for a person even when you know all her scoin-scoin. Omo, don’t ask me what scoin-scoin is o….I stole it from ex-schoolnerd, but my boys and I have redefined it and we use it all the time now! Shout out to ESN!
But my people, this was a serious argument o. Prettyboy and I were talking about how, with all the hot chicks we meet, there’s always one scoin-scoin or the other. Always. Now, the argument again, is that it’s love when you love a person despite all the scoin-scoin. You accept it, you’re down for them regardless. Now that’s love. See the thing is, for most of the women I’ve met, I’ve been put off early by one small scoin-scoin, or later by bigger scoin-scoin.
For example, I remember one chick I used to date back in the day. She was a nice intelligent babe, very good-looking and whatnot, but she was extra clingy. Damn! At first I thought it was kinda cute, but men this babe took the term “touchy feely” to another level. I mean there’s nothing wrong with being affectionate, but hot damn! Ah ah! I’ll never forget the first time we slept in the same bed. Omo I woke up in the middle of the night in a panic.
“Yeeeeeee!”
Men I thought I was being strangled. As in, the babe’s body don contort all around my body men. For a split second, I couldn’t make out what the hell was going on. You know when you’re still all groggy from sleep? I come begin find my leg o. Jesus! Wey my leg? Ese mi da???
I couldn’t even make out mine from hers. Inside this heat. Bloody hell. Her arm was wrapped tight around my neck and her mouth was positioned right in front of my nose. Meeeen! And I couldn’t now move ‘cos I didn’t wanna wake her up. Which kin’ wahala be this? Chei! And morning breath just dey pump! Omo I wan faint. Na so I sleep till morning o.
Men, that’s pretty much how we used to sleep. I’d be sweating like a madman in the middle of the night, but I couldn’t yarn. If I moved, she’d adjust herself again. If I turned, she’d wake up and say I was being unaffectionate. Say na wetin she dey used to. Awon boys couldn’t sleep without hugging the babe. Imagine!
This babe eh, she always had to hold hands when we stepped outside my door. EVERY MOMENT. We had to go everywhere together. Had to call her ‘baby.’ And I couldn’t complain o. I no fit tell am anything or she go wan cry. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with calling your woman baby, but when SHE gives herself the title, it starts to bother you. She say she be princess for her papa house. The girl no dey hear word o. Everything na fight. This is how she’s been treated her whole life blah blah. One time I almost said to her “You dey crase. Is this your father’s house?” My peeps, I can’t front, omo I had to dismiss the babe in the end o. That was some messed up scoin-scoin men.
I met one Fola chick one time that was nice as well. Correct chick o, good-looking, sense of humour, e’rrythang! She had a crazy sense of style and I was really feeling the babe. But men, this girl’s nose men. Gaddem! As in, I’m not shallow or anything, but that nose dey distract me men. Kai! Sometimes she would look at me and the nose go just dey expand. No lie! One time I asked the babe, “Are you actually flaring your nostrils?” She said no. Ah ah! Wharra hell! Your nose dey talk again??? Omo, most people would say that was nothing, but that small scoin-scoin was enough to put me off men. Hehe, trivial I know, but I’m just keeping it real.
I’ll never forget Simi though. This babe was an all-round winner. I had met her at my boy’s housewarming party, and we made plans to go do shisha the next week. Men, we hung out and she was a laugh. Beautiful babe men, dimples, everything. Just hot. Mo like e gan. After our first date, we came back to my place so that she could pick up her car and drive home. I now invited her in for a coffee . We’re sitting on the couch, and next thing I know, she’s like “Where’s your bathroom please?” I show it to her and I notice say the babe rush one kin’ to enter. She was in there very briefly but omo when she came out eh?
Chineke God of Africa! The pong! Whaaaaaa?
I wanted to ask the babe what the hell kinda block she had deposited in my bathroom in such a short period. But I no talk anything sha, I just maintained like there was nothing now. I remember the girl going back and forth between my couch and the bathroom a couple of times and at the time I guessed she was fixing up her make-up or some kinda girly stuff, you know? But the girl dey sweat. I asked her “Are you okay?” She said she was fine. Why this babe dey look flustered like this now? Anyhow sha, after a couple cappuccinos, the babe went home.
My people, after the girl left, I went into the bathroom. I no know wetin me sef I dey find o. The place was still stinking, but no yawah now, it’s normal to take a dump, no? I opened the window and then pulled up the toilet seat.
ELEDUMARE O!
This babe still had one little floater hanging around in there ni sha. Ah ah! Men, if you see the way I flew out of that toilet eh? Damn! Morrafuckin’ babe! And if you saw her on the street, you'd think she was one of those calendar models wey no dey mess.
Hmmmph! Meeeen, I couldn’t bring myself to call that chick again men. The babe sef didn’t call me back. I actually might still have called her, but her behaviour and reaction to her own block just put me off men. She for just tell awon boys say her belle dey worry am now, no problem. When I called her for the last time that night to make sure that she had gotten home safe, the girl was even trying to be a little cold on the phone. Na wa o. What the hell kind of scoin-scoin is that? After you don blast-scatter my toilet?
Funny enough, I saw the babe at some sushi bar a while after that. I was with a couple of my colleagues, and she was with her girlfriends. She even tried to pose o. I just gave her a wink from my table like, “Hmm, master blaster. How far?”
Men, my boys say sometimes I’m a little too resistant to scoin-scoin. It’s not that men. If I can’t stand your scoin-scoin, it just means I’m not feeling you like that. Like I know some people whose babes fart in front of them. CHILL! I haven’t graduated to that level yet men, but I’m sure I will with time. Chei! I doubt it though. If my babe even thinks about messing in bed, I tell her oya oya go outside the room and go and do it. Abeg!
Ladies don’t get it twisted o. I’m not saying it’s only girls that have scoin-scoin o. I know we guys have our own too. Even more than women I’m sure. There are small things that irritate me men, like the way a person eats, and sometimes I look at some dudes, and think “This guy’s babe is trying o!” The scoin-scoin that women tolerate!
Case in point: My boy Akinzo. Gaaaaaaadem! If you see Akinzo eating eh, it’s one of the most disgusting things you’ll ever witness men. I remember when we first moved in together, I used to ask the guy, “This dude, na fight? Why you dey attack the food like that now?” My guy would have oil dribbling out the corners of his mouth and everything, and wouldn’t bother wiping it off until he had finished his meal.
Well, no problem now. I’m thinking Akinzo only eats like this at home. Omo, not so o. You see, Akinzo and I worked for the same company for like six months. We’d go out to lunch with colleagues from work sometimes, and my guy would crack the bones off the buffalo wings like there was no tomorrow. Omo, sucking and everything. Oyinbo go just dey look am. Imagine. I’d even be giving the guy eye sometimes like, “E don do now. The chicken don finish.” The guy would just blank me.
And Akinzo always used to buy Nige food from this lady who drove around selling take-away packs from the back of her van. I never could buy that stuff men, you know how sometimes Nigerian food abroad is some second-class take on real Nigerian grub? That’s how this woman’s food was. She’d have rice with a lot of stew just poured untidily over it. It certainly wasn’t the type of thing you’d wanna eat in public.
So that’s how one day my guy ordered food from the lady o. In my head I’m thinking, “Awwww, hell no! This dude is not gonna eat this ish at work.”
Akinzo ran downstairs and came back upstairs with his box of food. He laid it out on the table and started eating. Needless to say now, the whole place reeked of stew. Oyinbo colleagues now started walking past, looking at Akinzo’s meal, then using style to give each other those their amebo glances like "Mr. black man don come again!"
My boy didn’t even send, he was just quaffing away. At some point, Mr. Davies, my boss looked in at Akinzo, who was battling a big chunk of cowleg.
Oga- Akinz!
Akinzo-Huhn?
Oga (looking terrified)-What the hell is that???
Akinzo (grinning with oil all over his lips)-It’s cowleg.
Oga-What?
Akinzo- Cowleg! It’s very good.
You should have seen the look on my boss’ face. He just rushed past me in the corridor. I was so embarrassed. This Akinzo sef. She na for office you go come dey chop cowleg?
Akinzo left for Nige not long after that, and I remember going for lunch with Mr.Davies and one other oga. Mr. Davies says,
“Scott, Akinz has moved back to his homeland Nigeria. I kid you not, one day I saw that kid gnawing on a cow’s hoof in the office at lunch time. It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. I thought I was gonna puke. That African kid- I tell you, he exhibited some real cannibalistic traits. You ever see that boy eat chicken wings? He would devour it right down to the bone, sucking in the marrow and everything! That kid would only leave shrapnel on his plate by the time he was done!”
The other oga looked terrified.
Omo, I wanted to cover my head in shame. Bloody hell mate.
Damn, how did I end up talking about Akinzo’s eating habits? Men I don digress as usual. But my point is, the guy had a babe and she loved him with all his dietary scoin-scoins. So love your woman/man guys, scoin-scoin and all, it’s a beautiful thing!
Shout out to my homegirl Vickii whose sister Kitty just got married! Happy married life y'all!
Oh and thanks guys for all the comments and e-mails! mr.fineboy@hotmail.com
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139 comments:
IM FIRST!!!!! OMA GAWD....I BEAT ALL OF YALL...okay let me go an read.
Yehhhhhhhhhh I'm 2nd!
It took you long enuff. Need to go and read it now lol lol.
BBBBUUUUAHH HAHA ROTFLMAO....."cows hoof" man dude, you are a proper comedian man. Funny post yet again!!!!
shit.....they beat me to it...anyways, im taking the bronze prize so das alrite.
now lemme go and read......
Jadedjune
babes eating habit is not scoin scoin o!!!!!!11 Akinzo sounds like some Akin guy that i know like that, chei if na the same guy i know how he eats and i cant lie it pisses me off!!! anyways scoin scoin is pretty much the same as saying somehow has nuts loose in their heads or something like that. and wasup with not being able to remember ogbono????? sey wetin????
Sweetie it was worth the wait.
Hmmmmmm Miss_Fake, now that was hilarious! I fail to understand why we women set ourselves up like that.
And I am still cringing myself at the whole Akinzo ordeal. I've got a pal like that, its really a sight for sore eyes, he'll be all sweaty like a christmas goat.
Poor Akinz, he's just keeping it real, but i guess there are just somethings you don't do at the office esp in Jand!
Heck even in Lagos now if they catch you eating like that in the office u can be assured of a right telling off.
xxx still loving ya
Finally ! omo your story sweet gan oh. I think scion scion could mean madness or flaws.
Lol @ the suffocating babe. That is neediness to the next level. You try oh, I would have drawn a line on the bed. Oh girl if you cross this line nah Sango sturvz you go see.
The word baby in any context makes me cringe. Insecurity levels a notch too high.
@ Akinzo - LMAO .... WRONG !
True that babe is in DENIAL. I can't stand people like that, you try oh seriously I for don X the conversation sharpish. Hence why I cut myself from the Nigerian scene, their own don pass me.
Crystal and Boujis LOL I am sure she meant ESTABLISHMENT. Okay I won't hate. Infact I am going to blog about my Boujis experience now. See how you inspire.
Mr fineboy, im sorry, what is ogbono? it sounds quite foreign, i prefer coloured greens with my starch cake(eba)...
major fools those girls....im sure she eats moi moi, like its going out of fashion....okay okay, this is my last comment, once again , i was FIRST yippe...lol
dunno where to even pinpoint....just lmfao @ it all...esp. Akinz man's... :D
Godspeeds the job/study...
Fineboy, Fineboy,Finnneeboooyyy!!! How many times did I call u? So you want my neighbors to mistake me for a deranged person, abi? LOL,with your pretentious chick? Ogbon-what? She needs someoneto break her head.
My belly is still hurting me. Seriously. Your friend seriously- I cannot date him. What do you have with serial clingers. I cling when I slept with someonefor the first time but it was out of fear, but I learned to let go- now (smile)
I have pet peeves also. Mine are no farting, burping, hawking, no tight pants, no tight underwear that someone can see the outline of your manhood and the shape of your testicles, no zeekedup haircut, no nose and ear hairs and no hairy back- like you are a gorllla, no discolored or yellow teeth and smelly breath. No tiny lips or tiny eyebrows. If I think of some more I will let you know.
damn bro, this post is long but worth it,I trust,lemme go read!
really funny like you don't have your scoin scoin moments, its really funnny but at a point i'm almost thinking you are childish.
anyways we are all entitled to our opinions- (i'm definately not ogbono gal)
master blaster!!!!haha..dat's crazy...uhmmm is dis ur first time realisin dat naija babes r fake, i mean seriously dat's even small, a lot of dem r even worse(apart from hausa babes sha....i'm jus playin o b4 i start receiving insults)...
i'm almost tempted to tell u to bang your dissertation and update more often but that would be wrong of me. I would say bloody damn funny but that would be one unnecessary swear word :-). though I'm sure all of you are wrong and that babe really is that cultured. As always nice one.
lol! dis got me lafin... d 3 abi 4 year old accent.... but girls too dey form o! ahan... on top toilet...rof rof rof n finally lmao...nyc 1
teekay, whats wrong with eating moi moi????
Yo anoda nice one,
reminds me of some QC girl I went 2 lesson with... She asked to buy "the water in a satchet with a straw" can u imagine???? Na pure water oh!!
Nice 2 have u less busy, dt thing u said about girls and how they react to jokes, is it true???? Holla and lol @ teekay (starch cake, lmao)
Mehn my guy! Take your time oh!!!!
I don laugh tire, tears dey fall from my eyes and my nose is running!
Ese mi da? started it for me!
The finisher was cow hooves! OMG!!!!! I cant stop laughing
@36 inches, whats wrong with moi moi? well apart from it bringing out the akinz in me, its fucking fab...infact i want some right now!
roflol...Fineboy...u are just crazy!
Anyway like they say one man's meat is another man's poison ..Sometimes I imagine how some girls can stand some guys or viceversa...
Anywayz, well done Fineboy!
Arrrgh, too long. will have to come back and read later.
FB... Once again, you have pulled off another mad blogg. LOL.
Meanwhile, how long did the conversation about "OGBONO" last, lol didnt you feel a bit funny. I no be fake o, i just feel those kind of yarns would be saved for phone convos and house meetings. (No wonder the babe didnt want to say it)...
I swear, I have friends like Akinzo - Omo they no send. When Oyinbo man dey chop their Spraggs and Olivie Soup and all those things we can't spell/pronounce, no one looks at them o!
Kool Stuff!
Aww thanks for the shoutout! I'm going to show them all the messages when they get back from their honeymoon!
Hmm, where do I start with today's post? Lol at that chick you met in the club, ironically I bet if she'd just let her inner naija self shine through, she's probably a really cool person. She took a lot of your piss take though, I would have done the whole 'bored, I'm not impressed by you' thing right back at you! Oh and you know what's hot, a guy that can cook Nige food lol!
You know what, I think if you notice a girl's scoin scoin, then you're just not that into her ... fact is the women you have fallen/will fall in love with will all have their own scoin scoin, you'll just be too besotted to notice it in the beginning and then too attracted to the great stuff about her to let it break you up later. At least that's what I think.
i cant bliv d formin girl and the girl with d pongin shite... and esp akinzo's spectacular cow hoof! how mad is that? as for scoin scoin... i kno all abt that and really, wen u can stand a persons' scoin scoin, lov has set in.
Yo, Fineboy, if u have a ride or die chick, you'll like her scoin scoin & all and viceversa. Till then, keep us cracking up! Nice post!!
Buahahahaha! mehn i feel you on this one mehn. Gad Damn to the babe wey scatter your toilet lol..To think she'll be out there the very next day doing serious yanga for another dude is just hilarious. God dey sha. Great post mehn! I've had my fair share of laughter today.
Gawd, I'm rolling with laughter. Being single doesn't sound too bad afterall.
Fineboy you dey craze?? No be you wey go get me fired o!!!
Haba!
Do you know how much torture it is to hold in your laugh because your boss is standing around the corner and you're trying to look productive?
Gaddem!
Once again, I made the mistake of reading your blog at work... Omo, if dem sack me because I dey laugh too much, I go come find you o!
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!
Fine boy, i am hooked on u!...u r the funniest person evah! I m seriously gettn attentive stares from these useless pokenosive oyinbos at my school comp. lab due to my loud and uncontrollabe excessive lafta! wahalawa!
But for real, as a woman, i am learning ooo...lol
Nma
lol.. funny post!
cant stand fake ajebutter wanna be gurls/boys either.
Mr Fine Boy!
Welcome back...I have missed u...
LOL....I dont even know what to say ahhahahaha...u r crazy!
Ok I have to do like Usher and give us some confessssssions...
I think I am kinda guilty of Miss 'Touchy Feely's' habits hahaha....my poor man...sorry baby!
but only in private tho..
good luck with the exams....
teekay...whatever! I am very sure Mr Fine Boy calls u when he is about to blog....
hisssss I just gotta hate!
typical naija man
u are so real!
I love this blog already!
morning breath dey nasty sometimes, especially if u no brush b4 going to bed
haba!!!
u sef too complain
na wa for u
see as u list the whole thing
but u too go get some scoin scoin o
u know!!
but most parts of d story was funny, I dey laugh like mad persn here
lol
nice post
I like ppl keeping it real
am a nija girl and i feel u on what u said abt d gal in d club. nija girls form toooooo much.
i just almost peed in my pants men u are funny too funny my question are u good looking
LMAO @ fake chic. thats just teww mad.
Finally, you have come back! well worth the wait sha. That akinzo guy really scared your boss oh!"cannibalistic traits" lol!
I hate, like seriously, I hate fake people! I dunno why naija people, after 5 months of living in jand would start speaking in some very fake british accent. Ah Ah! can't they just be real!I swear some people are just very stupid, I mean...."it's gooey"..... What the hell!
lol...its good you have comment moderation, you fit read all my grouses and grousisies lol..oya number one!
ogbono girl...
as per accent, i reached yankee in 04 and my mother always complains i twist my tongue, someone in my school said i sounded like a wanna-be valley girl and my sister said my funne was HORRIBLE, like our mother when she thinks she speaking funne loooool. well what do i have to say for myself and this poor ogbono soup girl, i dont think it means your fake and all, i think it just who you are and how u adapt, tho given her ogbono matrix later on, she was probably fake. as for me, i wud love to be rid of this my wannabe valley accent...no be my papa send me to california, but i cant help it. its sort of like a facade/shell/outer covering, i speak funne to ppl ive just met, naija or otherwise (except when im nigeria, then the accent disappears at murtala muhammed, compteletly, couldnt even fake it if i tried). if they are naija tho, i soon revert back unless i dont like them. but for naija ppl like HS mates, its always naija unless again i dont like them lol.
so maybe ogbono girl is like, maybe she was even playing with you too! i dunno oh, naija girls are fake but its a naija thing in general
as for your scoin scoins lol i feel you oh, my own can even be said to be worse i cannot stand ppl that look hungry. ask me to define what hungry looks like, i dont know i can only point to barack obama and trey songz, see how wicked that is. call me shallow, i will always secretly laugh at a big nose and ears that stick...meanwhile my own nose is big...lol humans for you
as for master blaster....she is a stupid girl, since she knew she was a master blaster like me (lol see how as i am exposing myself) she should never have gone to anyones house without her foldable ruler to dissect the offending alien so that it flushes well...then again it was a floater so i dunno and it smelled. my shit dont stink so i cant help her there, its just big and american toilets cant handle it (no be my fault, na the way dem born me dat)...so im always with my ruler
as for akinzo and the magic cowleg hahahsha, i dont like to eat in public anyway but in private...God im a monster, hands, elbows anything goes. in fact one day in my oyinbo house, i made one nice chickent like that, and proceed to demolish the bones, my whitey friends were disgusted, its okay now stop raping the chicken, lol i was like wetin consain you, chicken bones are good for the teeth, but yeah i saw the way the were looking, so the next time, i carried the plate to my room. its not after ive gone they will say i was a savage lol.
ewo i don hijack your blog finsih, pele
nice one!!! funny as hell. your clingy chick sounds like my friend. as in... when we have sleep overs i'd rather sleep on the floor or stay up all night if need be otherwise i just might not wake up!!!!
mad funny post tho
why dont i believe you, ref: the akinzo story...lol lol!
That said, i remember how in my first year at uni,my oyinbo housemate asked me if the kpanla my mother brought me was a fossil!
think i left my 1st comment in d wrong post!Naija fine boy..YOu are a riot.this is tew funny!i was reeling wit laughter.
WTF!"Oh spinach"..that babe is a fake assed twat men.and the one wey dey shit 4 ur toilet nko wey kan dey pose again.......mehn tew funny....this guy u go kill person o..am almost dying 4rm too much laughter......Ur akinzo friend no try o.......cow hoof(as d boss put it)lo !at work chewing his bones like that!FB u are HILARIOUS..heep dem stories coming o.....
FB i have to say this again...You are hilrious... i want to faint 4rm all d laughter..i actually just spat on some documents at the office while lau.haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
LOL.... At least the girl can cook something. Not like some of us that are scared to taste what we cook. (aka me) haha. I dont know about not pronouncing ogbono though... thats a little too much. The accent thing... ah i do have some slips here and there, its more conditioning i supppose.
As for the peeves... i have to say you are one finicky person. But, we all have our own little things. At the end of it all, you gotta be real. if someone loves you, they love all of you. If they hate something you do, youre better off alone cause it'll affect the relationship in the end. My thoughts: Different strokes.
Akinzo... character. lol. "its cow-leg" lol. That was just too funny.
Great post as always! Goodluck with the papers mr!
ps:Congratulations on behalf of your sister, Vickii! Dont know you but a wedding is a pretty big statement. Wish them well. :D
Dang!!!
And I had been stalking this blog for days....forty-someteenth?
Dang!!!
Fine boy u do me strong thing.
ELEDUMARE O!! Fineboy, thank God you are back and I'm back to howling with laughter. Thank God for you and the gift He's given you. Loved the blog, especially the story about 'master blaster.' I would have been mighty embarrassed but what's a person to do when the tummy attacks??? Damn! Fake Nija girl naa waa oh! Maybe she's looking to land an oyinbo, with all the italian food she was spewing. Give me some Okro soup anyday, I beggi. As per Akinzo, all I can say is naa waa o. I'm afraid your friend's eating habits are beyong redemption. He even sounds like a cannibal. I'm trying to work on my own scoin scoin which just happens to be flaring nostrils, lol but hey...in my defense, mine don't flare that badly...at least no suitor has said anything about my scoin scoin to my face!!!Can hardly wait for your next blog!!!
Interesting blog, like the way you kinda deal with very real issues and still keep it funny... 'scoin scoin'... haven't heard that in a minute... I get ur views on the whole picky thing, I'd say please be as picky as possible, there just ain't no point spending a huge part of life trying to instill some good traits into anyone ... I have friends that have the ability to groom men - unfortunately/fortunately not all of us are blessed with that!
All the best with ur thesis, essays, exams ... :-)
I had to laugh at the stories told in here, really well put together, It seems my wife (who is not Nigerian) is even more Nigerian than your babe, you should see her demolish pounded yam with Ogbono with plenty shaki. When we go out and people ask what will you eat expecting her to say roast like oyinbo and she says in Niga accent, "do you have pouded yam or eba with shaki and make sure there is plenty pepper" a double take and stupid question like "do you really eat this food" later..... I just shake my head.
Or like this weekend for Kitty's wedding, she made sure we balanced in matching native (okay I did not feel like wearing native I admit, I hang head in shame) we looked correct together if I must say so lol.
Ur babe in the UK 4 years and already ashamed of her country, Me I go anywhere I warn them I don't play with my Niga food, please.
Anyway I digress, lovely read as usual. Keep em coming :D
Suby
P.s
What does scoin-scoin mean?
fineboy nawa for you jare kai the girl wey dey fake na razz yeye goat her problem be say she no stay abroad for long because if not her razzness for leave am
the same thing happened to me when i was at a party a few months ago the host introduces an igbo girl to me then i ask her 'kedu' which means how are you but she goes "oh my God i can't rmbr the answer i hear it a lot but the answer never seems to stick in my head" after that i know say the girl just commot from naija recently
about the girl that is too clingy and dey talk say she be daddy's girl na real mental case.As for the one wey shit for your toilet she no shame if na me i go hide my face jare,imagine destroying somebodies toilet then doing guy for him
dat your akinzo friend na true naija man
anyway thanks for stopping by my blog
LMAO.. this guy ur just insane.
missed you oh!
I bet you she speaks some ethnic Nigerian language at home and chops slap whenever her popsi’s eba is not ready on time! Joker.
You know when you’re still all groggy from sleep? I come begin find my leg o. Jesus! Wey my leg? Ese mi da???
Na wa o. What the hell kind of scoin-scoin is that? After you don blast-scatter my toilet?
“Hmm, master blaster. How far?”
i took the time to pick out all the things that nearly killed me with laughter..lol at master blaster.
we all have one scoin-scoin or the other...we just have to look past that scoin scoin and accept the person like that.
Watch out for my next blog titled 'how laughing at Mr Fineboys latest post got me fired'!
Akinzo is a trip.
Scoin Scoin...how do you pronounce that? LOL!
FB, u r sooooo wrong.."master blaster"?.ahn ahn!.lol..LMAO..thats just plain mean..but na ur fault now..wetin u give the girl chop??? some pple's stomach's cant handle certain types of food, u know...
And as per ur fake fone babe...abeg...why u even grant her audience sef????..sometimes, u need to ignore certain pple when they start with their foolishness..lol..i think u were just havin fun, using the babe to catch trips...ko da oh!
Good luck wif exams and all...
At long last, fine boy. ahn ahn, so hope the essays are going ok.
Lol @ the whole post, funy as hell, I feel u on the scoin scoin issue, mehn how annoying is it to see those so called 'fine girls' doing their shakara after doing some highly disgusting sturvs? But seriously u guyz 2 hav ur own o.
Good u said it urself, if not i wld hav criticized u big time , lol.
And to all u fellow comment droppers, watchout.............for i shall be takin the numba1 post soon, hmn wait and see. (eyeing tkay's comment). lol.
0h my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you ...men! at least i can count on you to make me laugh.... i hereby rate you as number one for your reliability and professionalism! im still laffing!
hi,
okay i think the problem is with u!...i was okay with other babes and
their fake attitudes..but the last one (master blaster) i think wasnt
fair!..blasting is a unavoidable Gods gift!...u cant control it!...so here
comes:::::::
Correct chick o, good-looking, sense of humour, e’rrythang! She
had a crazy sense of style and I was really feeling the babe':::: (ur words)
and all of sudden because she 'pooed'( yeah razz, i know!)u aint
feeling her again?...dont u poo?...talk about double standards!...
as u said..u havent found the girl that u will die for...and when u
do mr fineboy..u wouldnt know what exactly hit u...u will want to be
with her 24/7...u will want to cling to her in bed, in the sitting room
and everywhere...u will want to hold hands anywhere and everywhere..u
will give her a list of pets name she should choose from...infact u will
want her to move in...so its not up to u realy..ask M.Bolton..'when a
man loves a woman'....so enjoy ur single bachelorhood while i last!!
SHIO!(love ur
posts...)x
Great blog man!!! Why didn't I see this before?
scoin-scoin; is that how it's really spelt or did you make it up? You really tried with the clingy girl o. Me, I'm claustrophobic and anyone who crowds me in my sleep will be kicked out pronto.
Great post as usual...pity I'm a lowly number 58
another clssic!
Haha....your blog is too funny lol. I know a guy just like your friend Akinzo. This guy in my school...wow! Disgusting to look at when he eats. If you see him...you will even loose your own appetite. He eats like he has never seen food before. Large bites, stares at his food the whole time as if someone is trying to take it from him, and eats fast. He's a nice kid most of the time, but I just can't stand being around him when he eats.
I'm feeling you on a lot of stuff men. I refuse to believe that girls mess or take dumps till this day.
lolllllllllllllllll @ master blaster.
Meanwhile Mr. Fine boy...hehehehe...no worry i no go tell anybody who you be...
But yes ooo, my people, na real fine boy be dis...
You are too crazy with your stories man. I near got fired.
very funny bro. nice one
oh my gawsh! you are one hilarious dude.thats funny men............
Ur ass is funny. I enjoy reading ur stuff.. Keep it up man.. ur blog is circulating over here in the US.
Dude you crack me up as usual, but i gotta put u on blast though: omo you self still dey shallow small...don't mean to knock you cos i still reacted the way u did a couple of years back too. But awon boys reach a stage in life where your values change and all of those little "scoin scoin's" don't matter that much anymore.
I must commend u for taking time out to blogg despite your busy schedule...keep keeping it real.
I don laugh tire...
Thanks.
LMAO!! I totally agree with you on fake Nigerians and their futile attempts at dropping phonee...ridiculous.
Hilarious "scoin-scoin" stories btw.
Love your blog! You too dey funny o! My boyfriend farted right in front of me one day, I am sure he didn’t expect it because he just started laughing and covered it up with this ‘eh when two people love each other, it does not matter’ kind of gist. We had never talked about love. Anyway I still love him. Mr Fineboy find your own o and gist us about how you love all her scoin scoin!
i cant get over this ... damn too funny.
i dont know y our girls form too much, imagine my friend that came to jand just teo years ago cant remember amala.. (she calls it this black thing).
Fineboy, o ti pa mi si bi yi oh.... LMAO!! master blaster, akinzooo... spill, wetin be ur own scoin-scoin?
Brilliant masterpiece budddie !!!
I was reading along and thinking, ah Mr Fineboy has lost it, this postisn't so funny until I got to Akinzo and his cow hoof and nearly died trying to suppress my laughter because I'm at work and shouldn't really be blogging- plus, how do I explain to my oyinbo colleagues what I'm laughing at...
BTW Good luck with the exams
Hheheheheh! I know oh! the way some men dey wack, ah ah! heheheh, abeg, i don die of laughter for here!
Hahahaa! Blog honey [by your own admission! See ladies? You don't need to put up an application or have a competition. He will find you!] you are hilarious!
Thank you for the birthday wish you left on my blog. See you around?
yay!!73rd!!lol!!this takes the piss!!what the hell is this about?73rd!!this is unacceptable!!
anyways!!Fineguy!!im on a mission to find you and stalk you!!-k not really but gosh!!!ur blog is funnay!!i cannot believe you!!the babe that did a dumb is silly-if that was me ida said sorry m8, just dropped a WMD so for safety reasons i wouldnt go in there if i were u!!lol
Miss fake is a twat face that gives us real britico chicks-the ones that have had to endure 9ja parents and all them gherro sellotape hair to their head babes from primary school!!Please tell me who this fake babe is so i can really abuse the morrafunka!!ode!!how disgraceful!!i been here since i was 7 and im 22 now!!ode ode ode!!fewwlish idyod!!gerrot!!
funny as usual!!-i will find you-i think i know-but i need confirmation!!great blog!!
Thanx 4 ALL the comments y'all. So many of them made me laugh eh, I can't even start pointing them out.
LOL@teekay,toeray,suby racquellecutie,simply & vindi!
Thanks guys!
@razz mpeke, u need to start a blog! LOL
@Idemilli (wink)
Ok, I am back.
After the long break lol.
by the way, what is your own "scoin-scoin"?
Enjoyed this post as usual, specially the Akinzo part.
I am running before Mr. Fineboy will make somebody suffer an attack of hilarity. How else can one put it? YeEpareeeepa!
yeah! mo daran o...
Amala specialist, expanding nose, bloaters, canabalistic traits!!
Ilove your stories. They are a great way to end a hectic day.
dude ur crazy................ for real, u should put a health warning on your blog
Hilarious....OMG...This is one of the best I have read on this site...Didnt want to pronounce Ogbono indeed,or maybe you self been dey blow britico oh....then the cow leg....lol
Another mad funny post!
The gal try na, at least she fit cook something.
Master blaster.. lol. Thats just tooo funny! You've got me dying fom laughter here with the chicken wings/ cowleg story.
Lol! I like this scoin scoin thing. Think I'll be fapping that one myself. Thanks for the comment on my blog!! Xxx
lol That 'cow hoof' comment by your oga had me in muthafuckin stitches hahaha
wait and also...'shrapnel' hahaha
If I slap this razz babe=classic lollll. I almost died in my offcie from laughter. Dude you are fuuny....Standing ovation!
Okay, okay - I officially hate you!!! You are truely, truly, make we no even talk oyinbo too much, FUNNYYYYYYY!!! I copied this as usual to my system to read in spare time certain it cant be that funny - but as usual you surpassed yaself!!!
And i have officially sub-adopted scoi9n-scoin via ESN ... speaking of which, which one be yua own scoinscoinlolo?!?!
p.S: MY new LIFE AMIBITION - PLS VOTE FOR OMAWUNMI TO BE THE FIRST WA IDOL!!!!!
This is from your profile
You have to dig a hole to China. Where do you start?
Umuahia, Imo state!!!
Dawg, Umuahia is not in Imo State!
Thanks 4 the comments guys! Some people think i implied i don't have scoin-scoin. I do o, I'll ask iyawo and put it up in another post.
@donzman, nice one! Imagine my friends from Umuahia sef have been looking at it without saying anything. LOL..thanx.
so this is where the blog world congregates!!! funny post.
lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!u r a massive joker!!!i amlost died of laughter reading this!!lol
Nice yarn.
dis post was funny n excitin sha, guys visit my blog http://afolabi-pieceofmind.blogspot.com/ and leave ur comments
I hate it when chicks think they have to be so fake for guys.
But you can't always blame a sister.Men don't appreciate real chicks.So for all you "how can i date my padi(girl o)"...it is scoin scoin for you.
I had to hold myself back from over laughing...I don want my Oga to ask me if I have gone mad...Mr. Fine Boy, na wa fo ur gist...dis na d blog version of a 'Nite of a thousand laughs'...
"What’s sexy to me is a girl who can cook Nige food. Now that’s hot."...asper this statement, I sabi cook plenti plenti Naija food...just name...at least, me'sef dey sexy to u...no worry, I no get scoin-scoin fo ma personality...
Nice Post Fineboy. As usual you delivered and had us rotted till the very end.
Would like to hear about your own scoin-scoins too. LOL!!
This man u r just a nutter .. I just dey reek with laffta for office men ....
'Hilarious' falls short in describing your blogstyle.
hmmm!... intresting.. you are funny!
updateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..lmao..am jobless
uve also enabled comment moderation..lemme go do mine also...lol
hahahahha, yeparipa, funy as hell!
abeg update quick, aw are the exams going?
Hey, just thought you should know, The Nigerian Bloggers are doing a chain sumthn on the 29th on the just concluded and recent political events in 9ja.
Please, go to The Nigerian Proclamation to get more info.
Thank you!
"Master Blaster...how far??" LMAO......that was too darn funny. I'm mad you had to call that chick out for taking a dump at your crib....although i think she must have been straight up psychotic to pull some shit like that at a guy's house. She could have held it till she got to her place or a damn gas station. Talk about an idiot.
And your boy...lol...quite a character...now that's what i call REAL although i think he might be a little too damn real for me.
Nice blog you have here...been a closet fan for a while now.
FINEBOY
Why cant you peeps give us all a chance ?
Whilst I understand that the fake babe might have been faking her accent. Ive been in the Uk for like 14 years and speak with a British accent. When I hang around Nigerians I do my best to drop it because I know they immediately think its being faked or Im being fake and it forms a barrier to getting along with them (i.e u see them instantly start to dislike you).
Just this weekend alone ...I met a guy who on meeting me kept asking if I had ever visted Nigeria after someone told him my name(I'm guessing cos of the accent) when I told him I lived in Naija till I was like 13 dude would not let up on his 'keep it real' thing.
What is real for me is the fact that I am imbibed in two cultures. It gives me such a headache when people try to make you talk one way or the other. Up until recently I used to try to speak and act more Nigerian especially when I visit London or places where there are loads of Nigerians. But abeg I realised that I am now too old to be bouncing back n forth like that it's just me ...I speak this way ...LOVE ME all the same.
You coming over age 14 and living in London is a very diff experience from me coming at same age and living for 13 years in Lancashire. Try to keep an open mind.
Thanks Guys !
Thanx 4 the comments guys!
@ sweetlola- This blog na just jokes o...don't take anything too seriously off of it. The point of the story wasn't to say that all Nige people with Brtitish accents are 'fake'. It was that the babe wasn't keeping it real. Seems like you are, so keep doing you! Thanks 4 the comments everyone, exam prep wan wound me men! But I'll update in a bit....
oya o, fine boy, update!
JISOS, 108 comments...
I recently started reading and I'm addicted, from Akinzo & Ogbono girl to Fine grandma and interviews... I'm still laughing
thanks
You know what, you're just a blog tease ... you post once, get us all excited and then leave us high and dry for two weeks, yes I'm counting!
*am dead*
pls dont let them sack me at work cos am laffing like a hyena now!
uv made my day! nice one...
girl without 'scoin-scoin' in london
@Vickii, LOL. Meeeen, it's exams babe! My brain is sizzling! I'll try my best to update soon guys, it's just crunch time right now. I'll soon be done!
mr fineboy, u are on fire bro. write on!
...lol... rolling on the floor..buahahahaha..tryin hard not to laught 2 loud. cant believe your pal,had that in the office.
..maybe the girl wasnt fakin, but felt intimidated and was trying to impress you, but still ogbono is still ogbono anyday.
anyway..goodluck in your exams tho
***nice blog, 5 stars
I must say you displayed here a few good examples of things 'to be avoided'. And hey, no blaming. I don't see you as fussy, yet as determined.
You must know what you want in life and seek that. Why waste time trying to fix something broken that is prone to break again, when the new shiny thing is out there?
That's right dear, don't settle for good when u can have the best!
As for your boy, na wa oh! another thing to be avoided. Just try not to forget education and manners.
Take care and keep it up ;)
If you don't update I shall withhold sexual favours.
Slight hair and all.
LMAO! But Fine boy, u talk about keeping it real...and the girl being too embarrased to say ogbono...Well...so watsup with u being too embarrased to eat ur naija food at work. Y r u ashamed that u eat cow leg? Lol...if u r keeping it real, keep it real all the way.
bia this boy.....update na...
u & ur scoin scoin.. abeg update naaaa wetin?
Now that is funny.
whose that nkem babe?? she dey o!
mr fineboy why you wan kill us for hear your story too long now.you for cut am short,and continue neX time.i wasn't able to read all of that but the ones i read where funny as hell.you are so funny what do you expect the babe to do know.i believe she did what another girl would have done,but i won't lie o her own was over doing.
there is one of my friend that said she doesn't know how to spaek igbo,i kind of believed her. lol and behold i went to her hose for the very first time.when i was sitting down in the living room(naija people call it parlour) her mother came back from work. i greeted the woman the neX thing she did was to call her daughter when her daughter came she asked her ke ki mere meaning how are you doing..she ansered i'm fine.her mother aksed her when did she start replying in english..don't she know how to spaek igbo again.i started lafing in my mind.chei i'm a fellow girl like her i don't know why she had to lie about that.i wondered what she would have told a boy.this one she will say she is not from nigeria.i really don't know why nigerians like over doing sef.pls be yourself,and be proud from where you came from..they are even doing more that the oyibo themselves.LMAO
i won't 4get the guy that was trying to toast me.upon all the phonetics this guy was trying to speak i couldn't understand what the hell he was talking about.all of a sudden wat i heard was "we run things, things don't run we"i was like what the hell.2 things came in my mind.no1 was that how the hell did "we run thing ,things don't run we have to do with what your talking about.no 2 is that he just wanted me 2 know that he knows p-square song-bizzy body. naija people and their formation sef.
mrfineboy you are such a funny dude mehn.lol
Oh my God, you are hilarious...am feel...and I am positive I dont behave like any of the females you mentioned...I hope not!!!
Dont put me in trouble, am at work...i laugh too much, they start staring at me funny!!!
And about the accent thing, i think it's how you were brought hope, even before I moved to the UK, people iN Nige said I speak well..wahever that means, and when u are at work in this country you have no choice..., so sometimes u forget taht u arent at work, but that girls own, o ga ju!!!
I cant believe, this is the first time am visiting ur blog. Its really nice and funny too. This peice got me cracking up. Will surely be back.
keep it real
i just had to laugh really hard and at work ...anyways i hate fake people and it is so funny that people go abroad and behave as if they are not nigerians ..OMG it gets on my last nerves.
anyways great blog..
wld def come back for more...
My Good Lord..youre soo funny its unbelievable!!!!!!! waaaaaaaaaaaat!
Oga- Akinz!
Akinzo-Huhn?
Oga (looking terrified)-What the hell is that???
Akinzo (grinning with oil all over his lips)-It’s cowleg.
Oga-What?
Akinzo- Cowleg! It’s very good.
Hahahaha...I still cant get over this one. lolol. Amazing story-teller
the funnies thing i just read is from an anonymous comment.
'bia, this boy, up date na'.
thats just funny
Lmao ....the date thing was funny,you need to move to newjersey/newyork area to see some fake-ass naija peep
Mr Fine boy, na wa o! Wetin bi gate fee bicos mi I no fit laff all dis laff for free. If na Julius Agwu shebi I go pay? You dey take Visa?
Dat yua friend wey dey wak cow leg, e guud as e don go Naija. Make animal rights oyinbo pipo no go poison am for cruelty to animals.
As for scion scion, love is blind, deaf and suffers fron anosmia
ok, i am still crying, i actually have tears rolling down my face. i came across your blog by chance and i think i love you.
Daaayum!
Men what the hell was all that malarkey about??
Don't even bother explaining cos it'll probably take like another 500days to read.
ok its official. I'M INLOVE WITH FINE BOY. In Jesus name u r really a fine boy and u r truly this funny in person. gosh i went home after work to my empty apartment and i was laughing like a crazy person. thanks for keeping me company FINE BOY.
jokes for days
ur stories are too funny. especially the akinzs one and the babes.
Hi FB
my 1st time of reading ur posts n I have been reeling wit lafta...I'm a new blogger n quite like ur style...i'm definitely coming bk 4 more.
PS; pls chk out my blog n let me no wot u thk...like i sd though, i just started...only 2 posts...cheers
Absolutely hilarious. Waz just laughing my head off in the office & my manager was sat at his desk wondering what the hell was wrong with me(fogerrit man, u wont undastand).
Nice one man.
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