Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Pastor Fineboy

My people!!! Wait now, before you vex. It’s blogger o! Blogger has refused to let me update for ages! Walahi, I’ve written like three different posts in the last couple of weeks but blogger wouldn’t let me publish. And because I write off the cuff without saving in microsoft word, I keep losing stuff. To be honest I wouldn’t even put up a post that I wrote a few days ago because I like to blog on what’s happening at the moment I’m writing.

So please don’t be upset eh? The devil is a liar. They want us to fight. We no go gree them. “It’s work of enemy,” as our former houseboy Bassey used to say.

Okaaaay, so what’s good? Damn it feels like it’s been ages!!!! My birthday was amazing, the cottage turned out to be more like a mansion. It was huuuuge. I had an update about it, but I don’t even feel like talking about that weekend now, ‘cos it seems like so long ago. How una dey now?

Men a couple of days ago I was sitting here dumbfounded o. If I tell you say I no dey fear that day na lie. Hmm, let me give you the gist. See, my uncle V and aunt M are in town visiting , and I tell you, they’re the most stressful people you’ll ever meet. Nice though, but very stressful. They always want one thing or the other. They also go to one church like this in Nige…it’s sorta controversial I think, so they’re always telling all kinds of stories about how people do jazz, blah blah blah.

Chai, I’ve started with my long story again. To cut it short sha, they received a phone call on friday morning from their son in Nige, who’s a little older than I am. All I could hear was my aunty saying;

“Eh? Kilode?” (What’s the matter?)

“Haaaaaaa! O ya were ke?” (She’s gone mad ke?)

“What is she saying?”

“Ehhhhhh?????”

“Jesu ke? Mo gbe.” (I’m in trouble)

“Ha! Were ni yen looto o!” (That's a sign of madness for real o!)

“I plead the blood of Jesus! I cover her with the blood of Jesus! No weapon…..”

She was trembling, while my uncle and mum looked on. “Put her on the phone, I’ll give it to the junior pastor now.”

The thing didn’t even click. Who be junior pastor?

Next thing I know, she rushes up to me and hands me the receiver. “Oya Fineboy, talk to her, it’s Basira, the housegirl.”

Shuo! Me ke? Why?

“Err…what happened?”

She shouted, “Pray for her now! She’s suffering from spiritual attack. Shebi you were an assistant pastor in America. Hurry up!”

See me see trouble o. I took the receiver.


Me- Hello

Basirat- Mamaaaaaaaay!

Jesus.

My aunt (to me)- Pray for her now! Plead the blood of Jesus.

Me- Basirat, what’s wrong?

Basirat- Wiiiiiiiiiiiii! Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Wiiiiiiiiiiii!

Chineke. This girl don kolo for real o.

My uncle- Pray for her now!!!!!

Me- Errrrrm…..

Basirat- “Yeeeeeee! Jesu n no mi! Jesu no mi o! Yeeeeeeee!” (Jesus is flogging me! He’s beating me o!)

Me (looking back)- Ha. Uncle, this one is serious o.

Uncle- Pray now!

Basirat- Yeeeee! Jesu no boto si mi lara o! (Jesus is flogging the heck outta me o!)

Me- Why’s he beating you?

Na una sabi. Wetin I for ask? I was so shocked by it all men, it was like I was in a movie or something. Which kin’ wahala be this? All because I gave them one fabu that me I used to be an assistant pastor with my pastor uncle in America. Chineke! It’s not good to lie, especially about church o.

Basirat- Wiiiiiiiiiii! Yeeeee! O wo white! O noooo mii! (He’s dressed in white! He’s flogging me!)

I looked at my aunt, who was standing there with a horrified look on her face. She now stood at a distance, as if she was scared that the mad housegirl would jump outta the phone. I come begin wonder; “Wait, mad person dey answer phone?”

“Aunty, are you sure you don’t need a psychiatrist for this girl?”

“It’s the power of prayer! Pray for her jo!” I noticed she stayed a good distance away.

Me- Er, In Jesus’ name…..

Basirat- Wiiiiiiiii! Maaaamaaaaay! Wooooooooo!”

Yeepa.

Me- Erm, in Jesus…

Basirat- Wooooooooo! Ahhhhhhhh!

Ha! Omo, this thing that I’m saying like joke like this, it wasn’t funny at the time o. Anytime I mentioned Jesus, she would scream her head off. Which kin’ trouble I go find myself like this? You people must think I make this stuff up; it’s so ridiculous.

Me- You are healed in Jesus’ name.

Basirat- Yeeeee! Iwo! Iwo! (You!)

Omo, I no do again men. If you hear the shrillness of her voice eh? I was bloody shaking. Imagine, from London o. I don’t know why but there’s something extra scary about Naija madness.

I couldn’t hack it anymore so I gave my aunty the phone, who passed it to my uncle. He now started praying over the phone and then finally spoke to my cousin, whom he told to take her to the hospital.

Apparently, they found out later that she had acute malaria and had just been delirious. Na wa o. I never see where malaria patient dey go mad like that before o. Whew! Thank God it’s over sha, because that scared the ish outta me. It was even more scary ‘cos that my aunty and uncle are always talking about how they exorcise demons and things in their church. I come begin fear say this winch fit come jam me for night. This one wey Jesus dey flog am, she must be a really evil person.

Okay, sorry o my people. Just had to vent. I know you’re wondering how I got the title of junior pastor. Okay let me give you the gist briefly.

See, my uncle (my mum’s younger brother) lives in the states and has been there for like 30 years. He became a pastor like 20 years ago. When I say pastor, I don’t mean like Naija type pastor. I mean like those yankee style “Can I get an amen?” type pastors.

The guy come look like American again. As in he’s a fine boy pastor o, with his bald head. The guy even gives them yankee-style pastor suits. Green, maroon, off-white…gbo gbo e. The guy get all kin’ funny colour suits. And his congregation is mostly African-American o.

Anyhow, when I first moved to Yankee, I stayed with him and my aunt Desiree. See I was worried, ‘cos I thought it’d be hard living with a pastor, but he was cool as hell men. The first Sunday I was there, I had given them jeans, loafers and a blazer to church. My uncle of course, had given them on baggy lime green suit like that.

“FB!!! You can’t wear that o! You don’t know you’re an assistant pastor now!”

That’s how it started. When I started running wild with all those freshman babes on campus, my mum would call and my uncle would tell her, “Don’t worry about Fineboy, he’s an assistant pastor here o. He’s being a good boy.” I guess it was just his way of covering for me. I love that dude.

My mum was proud o. She started telling all her friends that I was a proper church boy now. One time she called and my uncle V and aunt M were with her. Uncle V asked me “So I heard you’re an assistant pastor. That’s good o. We can never have enough prayer. God is good.”

Ye! I couldn’t deny it now. Me sef I replied that God was wonderful and in fact, I used to preach some Sundays. Na so the thing start o. They’ve been calling me a junior pastor since, and as per they’re proper born again Christians, I haven’t had the nerve to tell them I was only joking that day.

Na wetin cause my wahala today be that o. Pastor ko pastor ni. Don’t get it twisted though, I used to do stuff in that church for real o. As in, I used to give them full suit and tie every Sunday, and I was a ‘senior usher.’

But I was useless meeeeen. I dey always get one scoin-scoin or the other. I remember once when my uncle called me to the front to start behind people he was praying for. I took off my jacket and went and stood in front of the whole congregation. Meeen, that’s how one babe walked to the front for prayer.

Hot Damn!

When I say babe, I mean BABE. She was smoking hot, thick in all the right places….you know those African American girls that have been eating chicken and biscuits their whole lives. Lord have mercy. I know I was in church, and na good good holy thoughts I suppose dey think, but I couldn’t help it men.

Kai. She had on a tight pencil skirt with one white shirt and some heels. The walk sef was mad…..one of those girls that are just hot without even trying or realising it.

Mm mm mm.

Yeepa, I felt something start to shift in my trozziz. Aaaaaah! In front of the whole church. Which kin’ wahala be this, and I don off my jacket!

Omo, that’s how my John Thomas started rising o. Yeeeee!

My uncle moved to start praying for her and signalled for me to position myself behind her so that I could break her fall. (You know Yankee people gots to fall when Pastor prays for them now.)

Omo! The babe took a step back so that the booty was right in front of me. Chei, I comot my eye quick quick. But it was too late men. John Thomas just dey rise, and rise, and rise. And because I had no jacket there was no way to hide it. I come begin think about different things. I tried to imagine Iya Bose, one fried yam seller in lagos standing in front of me.

No luck. John Thomas no gree o.

Ha, see me see wahala. Sister Harriet, one yeye amebo usher like that, was looking at me from across the front with one disgusted look on her face. I used style to twist my waist so she couldn’t see the full extent of the damage. This one na catastrophe o.

Na so I begin say the Lord’s prayer in Yoruba. My brother once said that was the best way to curb this kind of problem. I tried to remember the words.

Baba wa ti m be l’orun. .

Ki ijoba re de.

Err…I no remember the next line. That’s how pastor said something in the prayer that made her jump up and down waving her hands in the air vigorously. Yeepa.

*wiggle wiggle*

I wan die. My bolongo now chaaaaaaarged at fuuuuuulll attention.

I felt like a sinner man. Why na for inside church wey Tarzan go come dey elongate like this?

Men when the babe finally fell backwards into me, I knew she felt it. I tried to pull back well well, but I couldn’t avoid it men. She stayed on the floor for like 15 minutes. Omo, I thought she had fainted from the force of John Bull’s power sef.

Men after that day, I dey wear jacket before I catch anybody o. I was utterly useless at the job, to be honest, because I have another bad habit. I can’t suppress my laughter when I find something funny, no matter how serious the environment I’m in is. One time I was standing at the front holding the offering bowl while one Naija woman gave her thanksgiving testimony.

“Praaaaaaaiiiiiise the Lord. God have been very good to me. For ten years, they say my husband will not see visa. The enemies is angry with us for many years because we are doing the work of God.”

Hehn?? Shellomastic! I held the air in my mouth so I wouldn’t explode. The church was deathly silent, and I tried my hardest not to laugh. But the woman no gree o. She just dey drop bomb upon bomb.

“But people of God, I just want to say thanks to our fada in heaven and this our pastor. This pastor is a good person. Even when they diagonise my husband with cancer, he stand by me, praying for me…

DIAGONISE??? Is that a word? Omo I was fighting hard to suppress the laughter. I was dying to explode, I come begin look up and down…and then

“But praise God because I have defeat all the enemy that have attempting to wicked my family!”

Yeeparipa! Men I just burst out laughing and ran to the back of the Church. I couldn’t help it men. That was my last day as an “assistant pastor” o. My uncle didn’t find it funny at all. I had to explain to him that it wasn’t my fault, “it’s work of enemy.”

Yo I’ll holla soon y’all. God forgive me for this post.

159 comments:

BiMbyLaDs** said...

first!! lol.. we know why we r first.. now i can sleep....

but before i sleep...
LAWLL..lolllll.. as in LMAO... kinda LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLlLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL..that was soo hilarious.. i dont know where they got u from this boy.. ur somin else..

lol..

gnite..~*yawn*

Senorita said...

Mr. Fineboy glad to have you back its been a long while. You are so funny men I am still laughing here

O.šeyï said...

Yay! I'm third!!!! Y'all are stalking this blog abi... whatever. Next time i'm on a mission to be first! FIRST!

Okay now I'm going to read.

catwalq said...

fourth....
yes am working my way up
brb going to read

My 2 cents said...

Okay,
First of all, you have a direct flight with front row seats to you know where!
Assistant pastor,HABA FINE BOY!

WTF, You my friend has never disappointed..This is so funny!
"Baba wa ti nbe lorun, ki ijoba re de" lawl! Yeah fifth on the countdown, not bad at all..

O.šeyï said...

OMG!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL....


Baba wa ti m be l’orun. .

Ki ijoba re de.

Err…I no remember the next line. That’s how pastor said something in the prayer that made her jump up and down waving her hands in the air vigorously. Yeepa.

*wiggle wiggle*

I wan die. My bolongo now chaaaaaaarged at fuuuuuulll attention.

LOLOLOLOL

“But praise God because I have defeat all the enemy that have attempting to wicked my family!”

lololol... i needed that! seriously!... that was HILARIOUS! I second Bimby... you cant be from where we are all from?! You're special. lol.

catwalq said...

OMG.
u see what bobo gisting can do for u?
men, ur church gist is HEELAHREEOOZ.

Father, I will just like to bless your name for ensuring that my blog stalking paid off. It's not number one but it is not number forty-five. henceforth, i bind and secure all spirits that are ganging up to prevent me from making at least top five.
Ni agabara baba a wa.

I am not christian so this is the best I can do right now.

...toyintomato said...

Lmao...omg
glad you are back.
totally cracked up. this is hilarious "Junior pastor aka usher"
..rollin all over the floor.
egbami.."the testimony laced with bombshells is the best"...hahahah

Bluntremi said...

Wouldnt expect anything but the best from you!!!

Should I even bother saying that it was funny??

LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...

I swear you always make my day better. This was HELLA funny.

Anonymous said...

dude! You're hilarious, i can't believe you laughed at the poor lady giving her testimony

femme said...

oga pastor! pastor fine boy. thats some funny ass s$%t mehn. did you try to talk to the girl after church abi shame no gree u. u really are one of a kind

bhookey84 said...

LOL dude ure crazy....... U cameback with a bang lmaoooooo I don't even know what to comment on, ure hilarious!

Anonymous said...

*DEAD*

umm FB, no xcuses, no matter how "stale" we still wanna hear about ur birthday party and the party u were attending to me "correct scoin scoins"

*Waiting with pop-corn*

Nma

Anonymous said...

I meant: to MEET "correct scoin scoins"

nma

Toni Payne said...

lol... tarzan huh?

Anonymous said...

Eh... ma threat worked!!! took u long enuf tho!! (mayb next tyme i'll threaten with gas chamber!!) anyway try remember that ur bday gist i'm sure it must be a barrel of laughs,, Good to have u bak. Senior pastor ko.. senior pastor ni
lawl.. nice one
Candy

Anonymous said...

Alleluia, ALelluia ALElluia, ALELLuia,ALELLUia,ALELLUIa! ALELLUIA!!!

He updates.

Can i just say ...

"Chineke. This girl don kolo for real o" : Lawling

"Ha. Uncle, this one is serious o." :laawwlling

"Why’s he beating you?": laaawwwling

"Omo, I no do again men": laaaawwwwling

"Omo, that’s how my John Thomas started rising o. Yeeeee" LMAO

i can't finsih d comment O! a dey groun .Lawling madly.

Boy, YOU CRAZY!!!

Mr.Fineboy said...

Whaaat? It's only been a few hours! You guys make me so emotional! My early morning crew!
Thanks y'all! Bimby, ur a joker. (and ur 1st! Ur not even celebrating!)
Senorita, Oseyi, femme, Bluntremi,Candy,my2cents,toyintomato, my anons,bhooks, catwalq... thanks guys..y'all show me so much love!
Toni Payne too of course.(with ur fine self.....and yes, Tarzan *wink*)

chameleon said...

20 is a nice even number to be. best position ive ever been on this blog

anwyay...man, this was funny oh!

gosh, was cracking up over that phonecall u got...

u sha...

TEEKAY said...

For real!!! May the Good Lawd, forgive ur fake pastor ass. Chai Basirat done kolo oh, they had beta carry her off to igbobi...i heard the crazy ppl there are top notch!!
Funny post MFB....AS ALWAYS

Beautifully Human said...

HILARIOUS!

Anonymous said...

Cool blog. V funny, and talking about inappropriate laughter in Church, Acts 9:5 never fails to set me off........

jadedjune said...

lawl @ those African American girls that have been eating chicken and biscuits their whole lives......

lawl @ DIAGONISE......

you're tew funny......chei......
stop the drugs fineboy....lawl

Ms zee said...

lord... I missed you a lot...

te he he he!!!!

Nigeria Politricks said...

Omo, you're mad funny!
'Yeepa, I felt something start to shift in my trozziz.' got me cracking up. LAWL
I can definitely feel you on that one!!

confusednaija girl said...

funniest blog eva!!!
reminds me of ur early blogs!!
too funny men.

Bolanle said...

This guy!!! I’m not finding this funny o!! I’m on the verge of being committed to a psychiatric ward (yaba left to be precise) for sudden excessive laughter! U always have me in stiches with every post and I always have to call every one around me to come read to prove I no dey kolo!!! I must confess I do have the same uncontrollable laughter disease as u and it hooks me in the most unappropriate places, certainly made a lot of enemies with dat but shiooooo not be my fault naw!! Nice one, keep ‘em coming jare!!!

Omuluzua said...

Choi! Pastor Fineboy u r too mehn ..... so much for the "head usher" *wink* LAWL God will deliver us......................

Dimples said...

Finally u have blogged o...after u will say I don't comment again...didn't u say u were going to blog on Sunday ni junior pastor...o ma ga o.

That was sonme funny ass stuves sha....u even try sef...I wouldn't have picked up the fone...so Basirat can den come and xfer demonic spirit in my direction...God 4bid...

Nice one..oya hurry up and re-blog jare!!!

Anonymous said...

lol

kulutempa said...

i've been waiting and waiting for you to update this page, and to say that i'm ecstatic with what you wrote would be an understatement. you are too freakin' hilarious!

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

Na wa o! see blogstalkers! me i'm sha 33rd! yes 33rd! yay me ! lol! i'm going to read now...

יש (Yosh) said...

omg, lmfao! "John Thomas"...hahahaha! And to know you just type as it comes to mind is totally the hit!!! :D

Props, man!

incubus said...

ok this blog cracked me the hell up! Ur new fan here!! look foward to reading more......

Ms. May said...

Mo ti fe r'erin ku. Dude.....you have a very interesting life.

countessC said...

lmao omg ure too funny
ah i feel you on that laughing thing oo ,lord! my moms used to throw me some evil stares like this ehn my stomach would just drop!


i love your blog! kai i feel like i kno you but....yeah i prolly dont lol
yay!! im happy u updated
moreee!! more!!!!! moreeee!!!
:o)

Anonymous said...

Ahh welcome back! I was just gon harrass you with another message, na God save you ! But seriously o, you shld consider doing the Christian thing for real becos Jesus Loves you o, scoin scoin and all! Welcome back Jack! ;)winkwinknudgenudge

LittleGirlLost said...

I have laughed so hard, Lord knows I needed a good dose of laughs after the day I've had today well my tonic came courtesy of Pastor Fineboy.
Thank you!

BOBBY said...

LOLLLL, may God forgive you...i saw pictures of your birthday, yall sho nuff had some fun!

Muah!

2much said...

my gai,
am new here o..you and ynash no go put me 4 wahala 4 work o.
i dig ur stories

'yinka said...

This is sooooo wrong.......LMAO....may God forgive u lol

zaiprincesa said...

lol..LMAO..you need deliverance, FB..May God Forgive you, true true..

**~M.T~** said...

ur post is hilarious..as in had me rollin on the floor hilarious..keep writin...

classybabe said...

Lol at junior pastor,asking the poor girl "why is he beating u"?!
Poor u,your john thomas didn't know u were in church abi

Chxta said...

Since you can only blog about what is happening, what is happening right now, we are leading Zambia 1-2, but the boys playing 2 & 3 for us need to be flogged. They overlap and forget themselves.

How you dey?

Pastor pray for me.

catwalq said...

Jesooozzz!!!!
look fineboy, u see why u cannot be hoarding posts?
i am still in top five so I can just be coming back at random and leaving meaningless posts.
poor number fift sucka

Idemili said...

I'm not even going to bother with the comments anymore FB, you know what I'm going to say!

Noni Moss said...

ROTFLMAO!! For the last ten mins all you could hear was teeheheheheheheheh. Your tarzan moment was too mad.

Oyebo for Nijja said...

LOL!!! I was having the worse evening and nothing could cheer me up..and now I am laughing my head off!!! You are hilarious....thank GOD u r back on blog :)

MzWumi said...

I discovered your blog days ago and u are HILARIOUS!!! thanks for the tonic.

Baba wa ti nbe l'orun... lawl

Anonymous said...

Can't believe what I've been missing! You are hilarious. "Trozziz" and the fear of the winch cracked me up. Bro, u r good!

ExcitedJade said...

fineboy, u sure r something else... cant just stop laffing... for real iwant to put a face to this guy.... we'll meet soon..LAWL! LAWL!!.. Baba wa tin be lorun...

TaureanMinx said...

fifty what???????????? *folds her arms sulking*. I have laughed too much...okay one more time LAWL

2ndCorin5:17 said...

u had 2 spoil it all by "running to the back of the church" **shakes head and walks away**

Anonymous said...

Bobo yii, no make dem comot mi for work o.
Guy...You try... :)

Have fun man

uknaija said...

Fineboy- on a very serious note, if dey sack me for work, I go just pack my load come your end o! See me seriously trying to suppress hot choking laughter every time I read your blog. Each time I start thinking it's not going to be too bad and each time I end up nearly choking. And by the way, Sunday-Sunday means Sunday-Sunday

Chude! said...

LMAO @ 'Why is he beating you?' Why is Jesus beating her?!?!?! Fineboy, you are an original!!!! And no no no - we want the birthday gist! In fact, we DEMAND the birthday gist!!!

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanks for the comments you guys. You're all hilarious I swear. I appreciate the love!!!

Nyemoni said...

Lol...you are crazy funny... thanks for stopping by my space and do have a nice weekend dude!

Calabar Gal said...

Fine Boy!! Abeg pray for me too. LOL!! Assistant Pastor. LOL!

Chidi said...

You are too funny fine boy.Your life is full of stories.Thanks for sharing them.U make my day more fun.

Nwanyi Ocha said...

lololol, LMAOOOO
all i can say is
"i have defeat all the enemy."

Glad to have you back, was beginning to think you had jabor'd our side

laspapi said...

This house maid thing really happened? Reading from my home thousands of miles away and laughing with tears rolling.

Just read catwalq's crazy stuff too on her blog.

Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed that.

Anonymous said...

haha...O boy I dey cry 4 here...u say na the work of the enemy?.haha

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I am so glad I read your post today - Its was too intense - I mean I have laughed so hard I have started to cough, like I have a sore troat, and its your fault. RECKLESSLY FUNNY, I wonder, are you really like this in real life, as it, only serioulsy off the wall funny things happenening to you. Absolutely enjoyed the post.

Chude! said...

Fb, i went to read anon 02:56's quote from the bible just out of curiousity. i'm not sure i understand what the guy means o, but it make the laugh hook for my throat! check it out. no shaking sha!lol

Anonymous said...

u are simply ridiculous, I was laughing so much, my niece started giving me funny glances. If only she could understand, but she's just eight so she had better not read it coz i'm not ready to speak English.

Friend of God said...

thats a beautiful piece..for real

Anonymous said...

nice....

temmy tayo said...

You are not serious!

Naija Vixen said...

ROFLMAO!!! MAY GOD FORGIVE YOU!!! chai,see comments sef!!!

Omotayo said...

Guy, how U go dey embarrass person like dis for office now? See how I dey shed tears ontop say I dey laugh...cracked me up with "Jesu no boto si mi lara o" and ..“But praise God because I have defeat all the enemy that have attempting to wicked my family!”. God forgive U truly but na so we dey hear am from day 2 day out here. Nice one man. No worry, me no fit vex with U once U come up with this explanation/excuse of blogger acting up......U one cool dude

Anonymous said...

hi that was really funny i was laughing for ages, and reading the ladies part i could picture exactly how she said it coz i was saying the lines using the yoruba accent

exschoolnerd said...

bwahahahahaha..this was mad funny!

as in..if i was the person id have cracked up.

thats naija for u..every friggin thing has a spiritual undertone...common malaria was taken as madness...

lol @ basirat..typical housegirl name.

ozaveshe onyeabo said...

fineboy is back?! Aaaaaaaah!!!!!!!
bloody competition!

AIVY said...

God, this boy... u wont kill me. abeg what planet do u say u come from again???

AIVY said...

as in seriously mehn... fine boy u will live long. please dont ever stop blogging.

Pink-satin said...

I tried to imagine Iya Bose, one fried yam seller in lagos standing in front of me.LAWL..u are just a pant this guy.....tew funny!i didnt know u had even updated sef

Nonesuch said...

lol really loudly.i beg i'm reading this in my office o. welcome back

LurLar said...

Cehi i read ur blog last week...but i no fit leave message den. For real.......r u a comedian? Every single post cracks me up like mad. This one i was thinking about it when i was having a conversation wit my mom,i just started laffing from no where. The woman sef dey fear..if dey alrite. I LOFF UR BLOG.

Anu boy said...

nice one fine boy... u de rep gan...

Anonymous said...

Its funny and sad how you can have some really beautiful females come up to give testimonies in Church, even here in the US and the moment they open their mouths, you'd wish they would close it again....sometimes you have to wonder, "what didnt go quite right there....."

chika said...

Mr Fine Boy how do u come up with all these things!?!it took me 3 days to read this entry cos i was laughing so hard i kept closing the page..people in my office think i am insane!

Anonymous said...

Men fineboy ur getting dry o..this gist is just ok, not 2 sweet...oh well wot choice do i have ur still d funniest blogger..

Vickii said...

LOLLLLL Mr. Fineboy, you have outdone yourself ... this is too FUNNY!

Not sure if I believe your story about blogger not letting you post though...

bimibimi said...

u're too funny!I'm always aniticipating your posts. anyways that delirious sturves is true o! that's how I woke up my family at 3 am one morning confessing hat I stole a beret in J.SS 1 and that's why GOD sent this terrible headache to make me confess. needless to say I was totally embarrased a couple of asprins later

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!! Very funny post! You are hilarious!

And I used to know the Lord's Prayer in Yoruba o...

Anonymous said...

LMAO. I can't believe I just had to fake sneezing just to supress my laughter at work....

Dami said...

lol junior pastor checking the booty! damn i miss coming hia men

Toni Payne said...

dude! you need to update. I need some laugh therapy.. :(

badderchic said...

YOU ARE DERANGED MAN...im cracking up in my seat, i pray my admin manager doesnt come and catch me o!
...you are bunz like that. see mo of you fine boy, definitely more of you.

adeola said...

lol!!!! thehousegil bit was just toooooooooo hilarious......

pamelastitch said...

Well, i just dropped by to let you know of a competition that is running at the africanloft.

www.africanloft.com

Pls, participate.



Ps: 600 words is just a page..

catwalq said...

Fineboy, o ti baje ju.
What did I tell you about hoarding updates...ehn?!!!

30+ said...

OMG THIS IS TOTAL KOLONIALITY GOING ON HERE, I AM LMAO.

You are another something else... your story just made remember someone now, Aunty Basira lol...too much

Anonymous said...

ur mad funny yo

100%Light said...

now this is really hilarous. lol!!!!! by the way, where av u been???

omohemi Benson said...

oga update now!

badderchic said...

Mr Man, THIS IS NOT A THREAT! if you dont update, i am going to sue you! update nooow!

cinnamonqueen said...

i am guessing you never got the babe's number, mr trousersnake? :)

SapphireAster said...

WTF...Buhahahaha@ Lord's prayer in Yoruba. LOL...You are a riot! Damn..if only my life was half as interesting as yours.
Junior pastor huh?

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmn... you've started again oh.. i'm warnin you (waggin finger) better update... before i.... before i....
Candy

My name is Supergirl; said...

Fine boy, update now, whats happening these days? your fans are waiting to hear from you. you are absolutely hilarious and i want to be like u when i grow up. Hear from you soon?

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

if i didnt wish you happy baiday b4.. even though this is late as hell.. happy belated my dear... glad to know you had fun... lmao@ work of enemy... bassey reminds me of our former driver linus... freaking hilarious. lmao@jesus is flogging me.. lmfao.. i could only imagine the laughter whey go catch you immediately... jesus floging person ke? lmao... you had the audacity to claim to be an assistant pastor.. kponkious guy! lmfao. this ur uncle pastor.. i can just picture him in his lime green suit.. he's your family but permit me to just say a little 'aishhhhhhh'.. lol.. hehe@God is wonderful and you preaching... oni iro oshi! you are TERRIBLE... i cant believe you and your 'jack thomas'... hehe... this kind yeye thing dey only happen to you... lol.. i can just picture it...
im like you sha.. i cant control my laughter.. especially when my sister is around.. cos we find the exact same things funny.. once we look into each others eyes.. ITS OVER... in church... family meetings... school.. anyfuckingwhere.. we just burst out laughing.. i dont even want to start with the trouble we've gotten into in this lifetime... lmao@diagnoise... lol... and the confidence self that she's using to speak this her grammer self na him funny pass.. i will pray that God should also forgive you... funny enough my jolene Naijadude also claimed to be a junior pastor... yeye liars! lol... you both rock sha... dang this looks like it'll be a longass comment sha

Idemili said...

Blog Hun, I have a prize for you if you update. Come a little closer, let me whisper in your ear.

Simple Minded Nigerian said...

Dude, this is so funny! I bursted out laughing at work- 3 times! It wasnt a good look.

Vera Ezimora said...

LOL

That was just too funny

Toni Payne said...

sighs!.. still no update. woe is me. I guess I'll go to bed with a frown on my face. :(

wienna said...

For goodness sake, abeg update na! E be like say dis thing dey too much for u these days and u dey do am deliberately.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mr fineboy,

I've been having a bad week. Every time I come here to cheer myself up I am usually disappointed by your lack of updates. Please do update soon.

Your #1 fan,

Fine girls replacement!

Im A Babe said...

lol...funny as usual

arike said...

Fineboy, my eyes are watering and my nose is running...this is one of your bestest (i know, the word doesn't exist)'diagonises' blogs ever!!! Thank you...I'm going to have fun cracking up at work tomorrow thinking about your infamous question, 'why is he flogging you?'

jadedjune said...

UPDATE NA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chika said...

mr or shld i say pastor fineboy where have u disappeared to again???

kokolette said...

lol
you're sick...in a good funny way!
i'm in class and i was laughing, pple must have been like whats wrong with that babe
that was hilarious!
and yes, may God forgive all of us!

Babawilly said...

Chineke!! Just ound this blog. No kill people with laugh o! I never laugh like dis in front of computer for ages. Well done. Na here I go dey come dey relax.

Olamild said...

This is my favorite post of all
and being my first time here
it's not wasted.
WAOWWWWWWWWWWW I cannot help but laugh at every bit of it

I don't care if u made evrything up
U r a a good story teller.

j_libra said...

come on now i thot u said this was our "daily daily tonic"........... update already!!!!!!!!!
you are freaking hilarious

mirage said...

nice post kept rolling my eyes with envy just kidding!

Bella Naija said...

hahahahahahahahah
OMG
This dude, u've done it again
damnnn that was hella funny

catwalq said...

A NEW SERIES LAUNCHED ON MY BLOG!!!
CATWALQ INTERNATIONAL ACADEMIE HAS ARRIVED.
CHECK IT OUT ON MY BLOG.

NADINE said...

UPDATE MR.FINESHOE

Kaydey said...

Lol

Anonymous said...

hmmm...pasito fine boy!!!
must confess, dat was HILARIOUS!! im new to bloggin but with pple like u, im abt to get addicted.
guess u learnt a lesson abt false identity? nice work.

Anonymous said...

pls updateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Anonymous said...

Ok that was hella funny.whatttttt.. i mean from basirat to the end..Dude, you need to update ur blog puuuleaseeee.. we r eagerly waiting..mwah

catwalq said...

why r u so allergic to updating, u dis boy?

princesa said...

Yay!!! am 129th!!!!
lol.
Fine boy, you see now why u are so popular.
U never fail to crack us up dude.

Belle said...

lololol. dude you are too funny. as in i'm over here cracking up big time!

**forwarding post to friends.

Anonymous said...

excuse me pls mr fine boy, dont u think its time to blog? ah ah, almost oone month nah!

30+ said...

where did this dude come from

femme said...

pastor, whats talking so long?

AIVY said...

dude, i will beat you oh!!! if you don't update this blog now, i will show you...

AIVY said...

don't you know that if something's a daily tonic, it should be taken daily... u need to update

AIVY said...

oya, pls now...abeg, biko, jo...update

Afrobabe said...

always a refreshing read

Anonymous said...

fine boy, wat iz dis now! ok o! I'm d'obaleing, k'unleing and rolling on d floor floorand kissing u're cyber feet...plzzzzzz UPPPDDDDDDATTTTTE!!!!!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

hahaha, definitely the work of the enemy. you this boy, you no get sense!

LASGIDI/ NY said...

fineboy imiss ur gist now, pls update

mypenmypaper said...

O boy, ure one kain person o. U could be a good comedian o....just imagine, Pastor Fine boy commedian. It was nice sha, that you were an usher when the 'hot' BABE came for prayers. What if you were the pastor preaching, hope you won't have gone from the real epistle to the FineBoy epistle, chapter 1, reading from verse...

DD said...

LOL for real! That was hilarious.

Olu said...

Eventhough i'm quite certain you're ugly(no self-respecting fine boy would acknowledge his gift with such a nickname!!! Hehehe), you'll still get all the chicks just because your sense of humour is wicked. No thanks to 'tarzan'.

For the love of me said...

no be small laugh i laughoo, one of my colleagues even moved away from me, d boy tink say i don craze finish, where do you people get this type of gift from? U know Alibaba for naija, d man dey collect 1million naira for a job, and he can do two in a day. Dont waste your gift boy.

Anonymous said...

kai - I was lolin haba - as in u r hillarious

blackelcee said...

Fineboy, jammed this blog 2 weeks ago and i have read it more than my bible for the past 2 weeks. have u considered writing as a profession ? no let chief fine boy read my comment ooo or the man will use grammar to scatter my head (after investing plenty money on u ) i am sure u will leave wole soyinka green with envy.you are damn too good.

Unbiased said...

That it! Confirmed. You are amazingly funny. I am definately adding you to my blog so i can take my time to fully read all you posts. Damn i am at work and everyone thinks i am going mad laughing at my screen. lol!! Cool Fine boy cool!!

Lashadey said...

This is the funniest thing I've read in a very long while!

Anonymous said...

lmao.....this sum funi shit!!!!!!!

SouLBoutiQue said...

Oh my Gosh!! I can relate to this post on soo many levels. reminds my childhood in yankee and going to AME and baptist churches. lol. at the african americans and there suits!! loved the post!!! I couldn't stop laughing!!!

cally-waffybabe said...

Fineboy, i have tears streaming down my face! Kai i can't even remember what i wanted to write again. Can't stop lawling. Lawl lawl lawl!!!

Anonymous said...

really funny story...weird but down right hilarious. ur gud!

Gift said...

ridiculously funny yo

InCogNaija said...

ok, i have to wait to get home before i continue reading these ur blogs if not, i will get kicked out of work...you go fit pay me? rotflmfbao!!!!!

uNWrItten* said...

lmao!!!! yeparipa!! you are sooooo funny dude like seriously you should consider comedy or something..GATDAMN!! LOL

Its Q said...

OMG. You are too funny. This is the best blog ever!lol

Godisalive said...

cant believe ur done wif blogging and i've only just found u...im cracking u like silly...u funny abeg. Come back now.

U'll be surprised how mush happiness uve brought to peoples lifes through laughter.

RomanticVoice said...

I come begin fear say this winch fit come jam me for night. This one wey Jesus dey flog am, she must be a really evil person.JESU NA MI YEEEEEEE PAAAA PASTOR FINEBOY HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHH

ScorpiT said...

Lolllll Mr fineboy haba couldnt you think of cold water or something. You are lucky she stayed ont he floor for long oh or Else Mr Tarzan would have disgraced you Pastor.