Sunday, April 22, 2007

An officer and a gentleman.

Long time no holla people...I know it’s been a minute. Too much work to do at the moment. I've been writing essay upon essay, and I'm so tired of thinking, I swear. This master's thing is no joke o. People lied to me man.

Meanwhile, I'm mad because I was at the Nigerian job fair thingy last week friday, and on saturday afternoon one consultancy called and said they wanted me to be at Russell square within the hour for an interview.

At that point, I was in the library writing essays, and I couldn't leave. I just thought, "long thing!" and told them to e-mail me to reschedule. Meanwhile, my boy Roroski went for that 2nd interview, and they offered the guy a job two days later! Damn! Who beg me say make I dey pose? Chai! Now, I've resorted to blowing up the mobile number that they called me with, and I think the woman even locked me off last time I called. Imagine.

Anyway it's all gravy. I got called for a job interview with this other Nige bank on tuesday after taking a competency test for them the day before. They asked me to come in at 9am and I hadn’t gotten home until 12.30am the night before so I was rather upset as it meant very little sleep. Anyways, I got up nice and early, and omo I kak'd my safe dark gray suit, a white shirt and a purple and lilac tie. I denge in front of the mirror. Ha! Mo bad gan!

I got to the venue at like 8.45, thinking "worst case scenario, I'd be out by 10." Not so o. I sat in the waiting room with some JJC-looking guys for like 2 hours before I even got called in!

While we were waiting, the ju-man next to me sha wanted to yarn by force. Now, I'm not anti-social or anything, but when you don't know someone and they just keep talking to you like you’re friends, it's annoying man. My whole body language should have shown this guy that I wasn't interested in conversation, but the guy no wan gree o.

"I'm Vincent."

"How's it going man?"

"Fine thanks. You are?"

"Sorry. Fineboy"

"Okay. Are you very worried about this interview?"

“Not really.”

“Don’t be navos. You must not show navosness because they can see it in your face o. Be very relaxed.”

“Oh okay.”

“I’ve been in this country since 2005, but I want to see what can happen in Nigeria. If the money is very good, I may go.”

“Oh aight.”

Oooooh o! This guy wouldn't let me read my new Soyinka book o.

I was so happy when I finally got called in for the interview. Free from Mr. Vincent, thank God.

I walked in and drew a deep breath. There were three men at the desk. I’m guessing executive directors or something. One of them was quite young, like in his thirties, so I figured he must have been the owner's famous managing director son. I took a seat.

"So tell me about yourself."

I give them a brief monologue, and before I'm even done, the oldest guy asks me,"Why you, why do you want to work here, why?"

I give him one well-rehearsed answer about how great I am, how wonderful their company is, and somewhere along the line I must have used the word "dynamic."

The guy hissed, "We will soon see how dynamic you are!" and looked at my cv.

They now started asking me a bunch of questions including who my father was! NO LIE!

Anyway, in the end, the interview took like 10, 15 minutes, when everybody else’s took like 40. I don’t know what that means men, but we’ll see now.

To be honest, it wasn’t as stressful as I had expected. Before I went in for mine, this girl came out of the room in tears. She was mumbling something about how rude and mean they were and apparently she just walked out before the interview was even over. I don already make up my mind say if those guys talk nonsense to me for there, I’d abuse somebody’s father. I kuku already have a job offer in London.

The truth though is that it was actually mild compared to the 2nd round interview I had with a big bank in London last year.

Omo, that one was quite mad. There were two top boys from the company and if you see the way they scrutinized my cv eh? At one point, they were asking me questions from it, and I swear I wanted to peek and see what I had written on the cv, because omo, I no remember everything on that thing men.

“What is your greatest quality?”

“You are aware that our firm hires only the brightest brains in the business, aren’t you? Why should we pick YOU?”

Men, it was a sweatbox in there. I was pissing my pants. I got asked all sorts of questions, including ratios and percentages and all sorts. Thankfully, I’m pretty good with general knowledge stuff, so I kinda coasted through. Then the bombshell.

“Mr.Fineboy, can you tell me how many airplanes are presently flying in British airspace at this moment?”

Chei! What the hell kinda question is that?? I was about to start sweating, because I know say lailai I no know that one o. I thought for a second…..

“More than one, that’s for sure!”

The man looked at me for a second and then just burst out laughing. Whew! They must have liked the answer because I hold an offer from them now, but me I wan go naija men.

Without a doubt, that was the hardest interview I’d ever had. The easiest one was the one I had for my first job ever in Yankee. I was a freshman at University and Akinzo had called me to say he knew a place where we could make some part-time dough. Awon boys were broke students, so I told the guy, “I’m down o, as long as it isn’t working in a shop or something.”

The guy assured me that it wasn’t and was some administrative gig, and the next day we drove up to this building. As we got out of the car, Akinzo said,

“FB, I lied yesterday. This thing is for a security job o….”

The madman burst out laughing, while I stood there stunned.

Secure-kini??

I wanted to turn around, but it was too late. Akinzo said it wasn’t like Nige security anyway, all we’d have to do was sit at some desk in some faraway building and nobody’d see us. And we’d also be getting paid like $12.00 an hour.

Omo, I think am! At the time, $12.00 and hour was good kishi o. I could be using that one for extra pocket money, since Chief Fineboy dey always do anyhow when it was time to settle boys. So we went in, and filled out one easy-ass test that seemed more like a questionnaire. They called each of us for interviews immediately.

The bobo was just happy to have college students interviewing for jobs with them. Under like 5 minutes, the guy invited us to come for an orientation session two days later.

At the session, come hear toooory! There were like 1 million rules. This is what you do when you see something suspicious. This is what you do when this….This is what you do when that….

Never arrest a suspect. Emi? Who was planning on arresting anybody?

Wear your uniform with pride. God punish you.

Always show deference and respect to your superior officers. E no go better for superior officer.

This is not a job, it’s a career. Na your papa go get this kin’ career.

Anyhow, that’s how I started work o. They put me in this pharmaceutical building after hours. There were like three other guys on the shift. Let me not lie, when I first got that uniform, I like am small o. Dark grey pants, light grey shirt, grey tie (clip-on), grey bomber jacket, with a gold badge that had my Officer no. on it.

I denge in front mirror. Hmm. Officer Fineboy.The uniform was just like a policeman’s uniform. This is the sort of thing that I’d have killed for as a kid. I now started practising.

“Hays! Stop there!”

“Ma’am calm down…I’m just trying to do my job..”

“Radio radio…10-4 10-4, whats your location?”

Omo I don mad finish. I went to the building. They gave me instructions and I sat down in front of one monitor that had nine small surveillance screens on them. The supervisor told me there was a camera watching me, and I wasn’t allowed to doze even for one second. Na wa o. That’s when it began dawning on me. See my life. I sat staring at that boring screen for hours, and it was like watching paint dry men.

After like an hour, the guy told me on radio that it was my turn to do the rounds. He came up and gave me one wand and a map, telling me all the spots that I had to hit around the premises before I came back. No problem now.

That’s how I went outside. OMO! If you see the premises, it was like a huge factory or something with woods at the back, and I had to go into all these buildings and boiler rooms and stores. Fear catch me die! I was just thinking all sorts of things. Ha! At like 12 am o, and all I had in my hand was a torch.

I had just begun my round, walking slowly across the dark yard when one of the other guys came on the radio “Oficer Fineboy, don’t worry too much about the snakes on the premises. They’re harmless. You might also see a raccoon or a deer, but nothing dangerous.”

Oloshi. That even scared me more. Heeee! God who begged me o? I was just thinking, this America, any kin’ animal fit come chop person for here o. Or even serial killer. I was just praying throughout.

I finally got back to the desk after like an hour, by which time I had made up my mind that there was no way I was coming back on day 2. For what now? Because of $12.00 an hour? God forbid bad thing. Before the end of my eight-hour shift, I had to do the rounds again twice.

The next time I went on the rounds, it was 3am. I remembered one houseboy that we once had in Nige, Dennis telling me that 3 am was the hour when witches used to have their meetings. Jesus Christ! I know I was a grown-ass man, but men when I stepped out into that pitch-darkness with nothing but that yeye flashlight, omo fear catch me no be small.

I just started walking slowly around the premises, flashing their pangolo torch. I wasn’t even inspecting their bloody grounds, I was on the lookout for any possible ogbanje or witch that might jump out of the woods. Not like there was anywhere to run. Fear catch me no be small men. I just kept asking myself over and over again who sent me.

As I made my way into one dingy boiler room, one of those idiots shouted over the radio. “Officer Fineboy, everything okay?”
I almost jumped out of my skin! The crackle scared the shit outta me men, I think say na one oyinbo ghost don appear.

The two other officers now started talking to each other (they were in different parts of the building) about ghosts and the supernatural, and whether or not it really existed. Omo! I wan slap person men! Why the hell would someone be talking about that kinda thing at 3am when I’m walking around some huge yard by myself? Bastards!


By the time I got back to the desk, my mind was made up! I wasn’t coming back men.

When I got home in the morning, I called the office and told them I wouldn’t be working anymore. The oga was very sympathetic o. He said he absolutely understood but wouldn’t want to lose one of his college kids.

The guy was just giving me one long story to disncourage me from leaving, and then finally offered to transfer me to another site. He promised that I wouldn’t have to do any strange midnight rounds, and there’d be no cameras on the client site watching my every move.

Na so I gree o. That’s how the guy moved me to some place called Falls Village and gave me directions. Omo, that afternoon, as I drove towards the place, I remembered that it was one shopping centre like that! Yeeeee! It wasn’t like a mall, it was more like a complex of stores. Jesus Christ! On a Saturday afternoon! Gaddem! Men, there was no telling who I could jam there.

When I resumed, the dude who I was taking over from told me that I could just drive around in my car, and come out at intervals. He told me that the biggest problems in that area were people loitering at the back of some restaurant, and teenagers spray painting graffiti on the walls.

Ope o! At least I’d be able to harass some kids that would be afraid of an officer on patrol.

I laid low for the first two hours, just driving around incognito until the supervisor called me on the company cellphone to say that one bookstore had complained about some kids smoking weed behind their building.

Correct! Time for action! I drove to the back of the bookstore and spotted the kids.

I sped my car up to them and braked sharply. I started to jump out of the car, and omo that’s when I noticed say these ones no be small teenagers o. I had already started shouting then and it was too late to retract..

“Excuse me gentlemen!”

One big tall ghetto-looking gangster type type in oversized jeans and one long-ass t-shirt turned around.

“What up???” The guy stuck his chest out as if he was ready for action.

The other guys come bone up. Jesus Christ! These ones fit scatter person head o. Na my papa company?

“No problem at all gentlemen. Just making sure everything’s alright. Have a nice day guys.”

“Right back at chu, homie.”

Omo, if you see the way I sped off eh? I called the supervisor.

“I’ve taken care of the situation, S/O.”

Olori buruku. You dey find who una go take experiment abi? Then when gangsta boys break my head, you’ll say I was a model officer abi? Not Fineboy.

When I got home that day, I called my popsi. I knew that if I told him I’d been working security, he would flip. His own son, working security? He would increase my pocket money sharp sharp.

“Dad, I have something to tell you. You wouldn’t believe it.”

“What’s that son?”

“I’ve been working as a security guard.”

He burst out laughing.

“Haha…son, do you mean you’re a mai-guard?”

Is this man trying to be funny?

“Pretty much.”

“That’s great. Such experiences only help to mould you in your journey toward manhood. I commend your bravery son. Have you succeeded in apprehending any criminals running afoul of the law?”

Imagine!

Men I went back to that office and returned their dirty uniforms after only a week. Apprehend ko, Apprehend ni.


I'll holla at y'all.....it's a very busy time guys, but I’ll try to update again soon, I promise!

111 comments:

Senorita said...

Yippee.. FIRST !!!

bhookey84 said...

wait tell me im not first wait first o , ohmygawddddd

bhookey84 said...

hissssssssssssssss im not, y do u have to moderate ur kini ehn, ok lemme go read , suckkkkkssssssssss

fifi said...

oh my days!!!LOL

Senorita said...

Eeyah pele about the interview you missed on saturday. Dont worry something else will come o. Well you are funny as usual. Goodluck with your school work.

bhookey84 said...

hahahahahahahah fine boy u have kolod o as in majorly lmaoooooooooooooo i swear ure a clown, hahahahahah shit
navossss but omo boy come now gimme the hookups as per we in the same line now ah ahn
lmaoooooooooooooo ure a chicken sha, so u cant do security habaaaa okay im done now and yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i was firstttttttttt , that was a long arseee post tho but i actually read ethingggg dude, ure marrraaaa! lol

bhookey84 said...

oh shot i wasnt first , my bad, didnt have my glasses on , im second sha, so that should count for smth ehn, ill be expectin my present, thanks in advance

bhookey84 said...

besides what soyinka book are u readin o , i enjoyed his last book i read, we must set forth at dawn, sooooo help a sista as per i have a break in like 2 weeks so.....

Jack Slater a.k.a the Hard Guy said...

i had already started shouting then and it was too late to retract..
rotfl.
Funny stuff!

omo-obanta said...

Top 10!!!
we have to settle for something now
OMG that was so hilarious, my roomie officially thinks I'm crazy...

Jack Slater a.k.a the Hard Guy said...

Even the damn title of the blog is clever. Good stuff

Oyebo for Nijja said...

HAHAH this is sooo funny!!! whoa I made top ten comments..this seems to be a race to be the first to comment!!! okie I am still laughing my head off...Good luck with ur finals...oh yeah grad school suxxx..but the real world...sux even more..

Flygurle said...

LOL!!!! hahaha heee heeee heee!!!
So fineboy, with all ya mouth, ase u are a chicken!! Common winch u no fit pursue!!!!

I love ur blog man, u never cease to have me rolling on the floor..
Just said to holla, have a nice week ahead

C'est Moi said...

Fine Boy, you are too funny, I need to stop reading your blog at work because every time I burst out laughing, people look at me as if I am mad. I think we have all been there though. in some shap and form. I agree with you dad though. Adversity builds character.

BabaAlaye said...

I swear Chief Fine boy be like my Papa.I remember one time My old Man said i should go "learn Mechanic Work".
For why now? He said it was gonna build my Character, and it's an Important life skill as pe i will be able to fix my own Car when it breaks down.
I said Daddy, i don't intend driving a Tokunbo Datsun that breaks down all the time.Blah blah.

Anyways, You kukuma know it's an excercise in futility arguing with Baba, so that's how i became an Apprentice for 5 weeks in Egbon Mufu's workshop.(Long story lol).
I was eventually saved by the School Bell....Couldn't get out of Naija fast enough.

Fine Boy, you're one hour off. The Winches and Ogbanjes don't come out at 3a.m. They come out at 1a.m and the meeting ends at 2a.m. ..Seriously

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx for stopping by guys! Senorita well done! bhookey, ur nuts! lol. Some home-made macadamia cookies r on their way for u tho.
@oyebo,as per ur other message, yeah! whats ur name?
@Alaye-LMAO! Egbon mufu!! i wanna hear that story!
@c'est moi, fifi,jack slater, omo, and flygurle-thx for the love!

dolly said...

@ babalaye: how did u know the winches and ogbanjes come out by 1.am and ends 2.am if u aren't one of them.....Emere

Unnaked shame on you at ur age u still dey fear winches and ogbanjes....u for call me

dolly said...

not Unnaked... meant to say Fineboy

Life through rose-tinted glasses said...

LMAO! nice ones

Agent 0 said...

Thanks for nothing, Fine Boy. Your ridiculous job issues will probably get me fired from my job and then I will be unemployed and experiencing the same issues. I almost choked on laughter just now :-)

teekay said...

20 comments already, ha im pissed. off to read

TaureanMinx said...

You were a 'mai'guard? Darn I'm not interested anymore. I need a man with a posh record. Lol. That was funny though. Goodluck with any further interviews. Don't be such a poser next time around.

Suby said...

Just came across you blog on the fly, I don't normarly read word blogs but I have to say I am glad I read this one, I burst out laughing a few times. Very entertaining and fiunny read. Think we have all been through something similar to your experiences here.

Now I have t make my way back to conclude my read on your blog about yur funky grandma :)

Good work here.

Suby.

P.s
What exactly is your name?

ExcitedJade said...

wao....this is interesting..

Jack Bloggs said...

“What up???” The guy stuck his chest out as if he was ready for action.

The other guys come bone up. Jesus Christ! These ones fit scatter person head o. Na my papa company?

“No problem at all gentlemen. Just making sure everything’s alright. Have a nice day guys.”

“Right back at chu, homie.”

HOME BOY THATS GOT TO BE THE FUNNIEST THIN EVER - YOU FCUK UP - YOU FOR CALL FOR BACK UP. LOL

MEANWHILE I WAS THINKING... WHAT IF MR. VINCENT IS A REGULAR READER OF YOUR BLOG... I AM SURE YOU NO THAT YOU ARE NOW WIDELY READ AMONGST NAIJA PEEPS. YOU BETTER APOLOGISE TO THE GUY.

Mrs Somebody said...

Mr Fineboy you never fail to crack us up.

zaiprincesa said...

lol...LMAO...i think every Nigerian...(with the exception of me, of course..;) has worked some kinda security or front desk job oh...well, in this yankee sha...

Have a blessed week....

Armani_Agboro said...

ROTFLMFAO

Just wanted to concur on what Baba-alaye said.

Naija Witches reign at 2am. Except dem don change am.

Nice post.

Kpakpando said...

baba alaye- because of daylight savings the winches come out 2am and start leaving around that 3am side for yankee.

fineboy good luck with the interview process hopefully u get what you want

~Mimi~ said...

is it possible to crack someone up so much.......u and bimbylads are top notch!!!!

temmy tayo said...

So, u dont know how many planes are flying at the moment? u dont know book. lol

Patricia said...

LMAO @ "Have you apprehended any criminals who have run afoul of the law"...cheiii Chief Fineboy is tooooooo funny :)

LM said...

You are really hilarious! Love your post. As for the job interviews, just hang in there. God knows how many I went for before I returned to Nigeria. (and I still got my job when I returned). You'd think it would be soo easy, since you want to come back home. The good thing though is that with your Master's etc. you will be easily employable in Nigeria so don't worry if you decide to return almost immediately after your Master's. The oportunities are likely to be in:

1) Oil companies - I gather your field is in accountacy etc. Shell occassionally recruit for non-engineering grads.

2) Banks - opps are exploding, especially for foreign grads. There're so many to choose from and they have the money to pay you well.....but you will sweat.

3) Telecoms - the usual suspects - Glo, MTN, Celtel and (eventually), Mubadala, are all looking for experienced pros and those with foreign degrees.

4) Consultancy - the usual suspects: Accenture, PWC, Ernst & Jones etc.

5) Foriegn missions/international organisations - the snag is that you will be restricted to mostly Abuja and the pay may not be really terrific but the exposure ill be.

Of course if you know influential people in Nigeria, it makes it soo much easier.

Good luck!

I also heard about the witches etc. having their meetings at 3am

Bluntremi said...

LMAO!!!

Everyone who has lived abroad has done one crazy job or another.
My craziest would have to be as a clown at childrens parties.

I can proudly say that I can make almost any shape out of a balloon...LOL!!

Great post as usual!

snazzy said...

story was pretty funny, screw all those i-bank brain teasers to hell. men u should have seen my undergrad in september senior year and asking each other how do u get 4 gallons with a 5 gallon jug and a 3 gallon jug and about differently burning candles, and penny weights.

Now I have one word of advice for u, unless u are going into the investment banking, or corporate finance (throw in treasury)divisions of any of the major banks u pretty much don't want to work for a naija bank at present. Oh and the random family questions are apparently a staple of the nigerian interview scene. I was actually surprised that none of the naija based bloggers decided to out the bank. Though I suppose the mai-guard runs made everyone forget. Anyway nice one as always.

MightyMike said...

lmaoo..The last part with the Hood niggas had me rolling..leaving them in peace was a great idea, akata area boys no send o..nice piece mehn!

Faith said...

You are definitely a trip. I don't blog, nor comment on pple's blogs, but you really killed me with laughter. Interesting blog.

phazzzed... said...

O Lord! fineboy u wont kill me... hard life turn u to aboki! whalahi!

Daddy's Girl said...

LOL @ 'don't be navos'. Nice one!

Anonymous said...

Hays! Stop there!LOL

So like a Naija Policeman.Good one.

Anonymous said...

LOLOLOL. You always crack me up. Smart comeback re: the interview question.

Love it. : )

Calabar Gal said...

Funny as usual.
I loved thi spost as usual - well delivered with witty remarks too.

That was a witty answer - how many airplanes are flying in british space indeed.

I always have a copy of my CV with me so I know which lie I've blowed to which company. O DI KWA very necessary. (smile) I've got a telephone interview coming up. Trying to catch up on my general knowledge before I call them and set a date and time.

Anonymous said...

@babalaye...fineboy is right,im a prayer warrior,they come out at 3a.m.its a spiritual reason and number..lol..

na lie o..i be ex prayer warrior!!

Flaky said...

Lol, just too funny. I love reading your blogs. Update on the reg oh, this is my only link to sanity since they want to kill me in this stupid uni !

The Last King Of Scotland said...

nice one son

Pink-satin said...

Fine boy !you are a disaster..ur stories are so hilarious..i want to burst out laughing but its 1:00 am and my flatmates will be wondering

NIGERIA POLITRICKS said...

Mr. Fineboy turned rent-a-cop with a flashlight?! chei u 4 join gbana some igbo with those weedheads now, abi. LOL. Funny read!!

teekay said...

LOL @ kpakpando "BECAUSE OF DAYLIGHT SAVING" thats just too funny

Dimples said...

LOL...oya hurry up and update o...as in really i don't like suspense o.

bimbylads said...

lol. nice one.. definately made me smile,. considering how ive been feeling lately...so thanks for putting a smile on my face..

TITO said...

YOU ARE HILARIOUS.. I AM IN THE LIBRARY TRYING TO STUDY AND PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT ME AS IF I AM CRAZY.. I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING..LOL..

cool muthafucka said...

LOL! This shit had me cracking up!
So did Baba Alaye...

You guys are hilarious muthafuckas!
Rock on Fineboy!

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!!!! Goodluck with all the stuff you've got going on now.

Anonymous said...

LMAO

Officer my ass!

More like Dad's army....

Kudos to you. Am so afraid of the night.... I would have lasted 20 minutes maximum and quit.

Anonymous said...

HI FINEBOY,
YOUR BLOG IS THE BEST. MY CUZ INTRODUCED ME TO IT AND I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING MY HEAD OFF. THANKS FOR THIS. IT IS REALLY UPLIFTING AND NOSTALGIC WHEN U GO BACK TO THE OLD DAYS. I AM ALSO DOING MY MASTERS IN SOME SO CALLED IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL IN NYC AND MEEEN ITS NOT EASY AT ALL. I DO NOT KNOW Y PPLE SAY ITS EASY. DO THEY HAVE 2 BRAINS? ANYWAYS KEEP WRITING. IF U EVA WRITE A BOOK, I WILL SURELY BUY. THANKS, FA

Naija Jinx said...

Its being a while since I've left a comment on your blog although I do read all your posts...Sometimes even coming back to read old ones.
Kuddos to you. Let me know when you write a Book. I will surely buy.

Yetty said...

i luv yr blog...too funny

Yetty said...

this guy...u r too funny...i like yr blog sha

rhapsody said...

"That’s great. Such experiences only help to mould you in your journey toward manhood. I commend your bravery son. Have you succeeded in apprehending any criminals running afoul of the law?”

Hahaha...your dad is the shit! I think he should run for president.

Beyond said...

security officer! interesting.

Anonymous said...

@ Jack Bloggs(Vincent) - why shud he apologise?? Abi na you be Vincent?? I'm not surprised and no im not navos at all thanks.

Chxta said...

Thanks for embarassing me. I'm in the library and I'm laughing.

Bitchy said...

LMAO!! Now I know why even non-bloggers have been telling me about you.

Toni Payne said...

o..k fineboy.. im saving this one for when im bored and need a good laugh...

next door stranger said...

lmao... i was reading this at the wrong place. in the library. now people would think am a crazy nija.tears were dropping down my eyes while reading cos i couldnt laugh out loud. you are so funny keep it up.

Idemili said...

I could have sworn I left a comment! Great post! LOL

Toni Payne said...

O.............k I have officially been tagged crazy because of you.. Your dad is a trip mehn.. You should have stepped up to the gangsta dude, Im sure he knew u were scared. lol.

"This is not a job, it’s a career. Na your papa go get this kin’ career." - now that right there had me gasping for breath... lol..

Nice one Mr mai-gard, I mean Mr Fineboy..

iROCKORiGiNALiTY said...

I dont blame you that job sounds hella scary fineboi ur brave jare i wont be caught dead workin at a job like that...

tiwalade said...

mehn! I don't even know where to start. u're too funny, but i guess i don't have to say that again since all d comments above me say the same thing. Nyways blog on!

LondonBuki said...

Fine Fine FineBoy!

This is hilarious, as always! Your daddy is a funny man! I can see where you got your sense of humour from.

Hope school work's not too mad and enjoy the rest of your week!

UnNaked Soul said...

LOL! this is bloody haha...

oya vera come oh. this is a Certified Man Man (CMM) a mad man with a PHD... so stop call me mad oh, when people wey craze pass me dey yanfu-yanfu...

nice one fineboy... lol

exschoolnerd said...

“Hays! Stop there!”


bwahahahahaha...i swear them carry crase swear for u fineboy...

Toni Payne said...

UPDATE!!!!!!!! I was hoping to start my day off with a good laugh.. u know sitting in a meeting, and smirking when I remember your blog type stuff.. Alas! no update :(

Inuke Omotola Davis said...

Fine boy, fine boy how many times did i call you? You had me laughing my head off at work for about 10mins. My coworkers think i am crazy and my boss.... Yeeee fine boy ti pa mi. You are too hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Yeah.Studying for a Masters is not easy o!Doing it myself!Ok...this is really interesting!I was at the same Naija bank interview you went for, with the three guys.I was also asked lots of weird questions about boyfriends, who my ma and pa are, racism...blablabla.Anyway, I didn't leave the room crying. I decided to have lots of fun with it!....Nice job experience in America though, I was laughing my head off!I decided to work at the students union where the whole world saw you working!!!I think yours was definitely better.

Ava said...

SO I am a naija chick in yankee who almost ALWAYS avoids all things Niaja. Way more embarassing stuff than good stuff comes out of claiming being from gidi. Anyway I have to say I totally enjoyed your blog.

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thank y'all! Anon 11.16, brown suit...golders green possibly?

Dilch said...

This was funny, you have 77 comments, wow. Favourite bit, the nigerian interviewers asking you about your dad. I'm curious, did they know him, cos if they did, I guess you got the job.......

Disgruntled said...

LOLOLOL

luminousnubian said...

LOL! you are hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Ava, avoiding naija stuff doesn't make you any less naija. It just makes you seem insecure...i'm just saying.

Fineboy, i'm still waiting to read a post of yours that doesn't absolutely crack me up. (The V-Tech one doesn't count. I didn't laugh at that one o. I'm crazy, but not that crazy).I hope you are as funny as this in real life...'Hays! Stop there!'..lol...that brought back memories.

K.

BABE PLUS said...

I cant stop laughing Fine boy, mai-guard?????????? hahahahhaha e no easy o. But e good say u try am small.

yankeenaijachick said...

Damn, o boy...............it no easy o jare. survival na the game.

yankeenaijachick said...

u got me laughinglol.

Nijawife said...

He he heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee dont make me fall on the floor with this your hillarous piece.You must know that you cant just get $12 an hour like that but anyway,thats part of what drive you to be wherever you are today.No food for lazy man,i like your popsie comment.Pele o olopa idumota

tiwalade said...

bros, update now!! you're keeping us waiting

Oyebo for Nijja said...

I beg...make u update...before I flood ur wall :) ..haha is that a threat..yeah I think it is..so update :)

Flaky said...

Fine boy o pls update, I have read your blog over and over again ... UPDATE

Adun said...

Hey, I know you are busy, but I keep checking your site everyday for a "daily" tonic!! Pls update soon o.
Hope your masters is going well....

Vickii said...

Fine boy, I can't believe I'm only just reading this ... actually,I remember what happened, I checked your page, saw you'd updated and then decided to come back when I had the time to savour it!

Good luck with all your work and job interviews ... just check what the internet policy is where you work because you can't possibly consider a place where you can't update your blog!

Lolllllllllll at your funny job interviews and your security job ... you are way toooo funny!

Oh, and update!

monie said...

I made the mistake of reading this at work... Never again. My co workers must think I have some weird bronchial disease now, 'cause every time I'd start to laugh out loud, I'd attempt to stifle it by turning it into a cough... lol.

Awesome post.

Areagal said...

abegggggggggggg fine boy update nawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. wot iz it ?? ah! ah! update jo!

Anonymous said...

OMG, I was literally in tears. Dude, you are HILARIOUS!

catwalq said...

Oh my Gog, you have one of those posts that one should not read while eating, lest you choke.
Great sturves men

Flaky said...

WHAT ! 93 comments and still no update !!!

Emz said...

LOL!...This blog has just been bookmarked as a favorite...hilarious!

Chameleon said...

ah ah... dont u think its about time u updated?

omo-obanta said...

se a tun ma be e? jo, update this thing...

Rayo said...

What do you think of the Soyinka book?

Misan said...

Hilarious!! I feel u on the interview blues...I've definitely walked into an interview and been asked..."why is your GPA so low?" and i was like...screw you, what was YOURS in college...but that was in my head...from my mouth came forth some cock and bull story:too many extra-curriculars that quarter, and i'm pretty sure I threw in something about a relative's death blah di blah... but yeah, way to go on the "Airspace" one, definitely would hire u in an instant based solely off of that!

BOBBY said...

You wont kill me. Walahi...

LOL @ NAVOUS...NAVOUSNESS...i wanted to dieee...

LOL @ the Security job and ghosts coming out at 3am, funny enough i also believe it too??? I dont know if its because of the Exorcism of Emily Rose...i dont know...

Crazy guy.

Naija Dreams said...

I can relate ...I mean Im not always in the mood for small talk either ...some people just talk to help calm themselves down.
-Mr.Vincent ... lol

Ade said...

You my friend are a total lifesaver, sat at work and totally bored - I checked out your blog and u successfully did what none of my peeps have been able to do all day - alleviate my boredom - thanks totally appreciate it going to read some more - just needed to leave a comment first. A writing man is always a winner - totally hooked, totally impressed and goodluck with the masters thing and the job hunt.

Ugo Daniels said...

This is to officially announce that Mr. Fineboy has won this years award as the MOST hilarious blog.

Any objection to dat?

chioma said...

hahahaa,dude you are one hilarious boy. I have laughing so hard.People are probably going to be thinking i am one psycho girl.

eclectic.female said...

k, ur funny! lol
wow! u even people tryna comment first... jeez.. now thats wasup!

Anonymous said...

I saw these two comments on Bella Naija’s comment page of “This day Concert” and I thought the whole world should know. I love Oprah and the rest of the Artists my aim is just to show Nigerians that it is time we start supporting our own people and make our own country better. Contrary to what Oprah thinks Nigerians are the smartest most intelligent people in this world.

PLEASE READ THE PIECE BELOW FROM NIGERIAN PUNCH NEWSPAPER AND PASS YOUR COMMENT:


Oprah Winfrey got it wrong

By Our Reader
Published by PUNCH NEWSPAPER: Thursday, 26 Jul 2007

Recently, America’s TV girl, Oprah Winfrey, called on America to sever diplomatic relationships with world’s topmost corrupt countries.

Worst of all the countries, Oprah surmised, is Nigeria.

According to her, “all Nigerians – regardless of their level of education – are corrupt.”

It is very pathetic that Oprah could ascribe to a larger population, the evil act of an insignificant number of persons in the world’s most populous black nation.

Oprah’s conclusion is based on the fact that a Nigerian of Igbo extraction was caught with $500,000, which was alleged to have been stolen from a foreigner through the Internet fraud popularly known as 419.

Oprah had sponsored an hour-long programme, which ran for several days on the CNN, with the sole aim of exposing the clever tricks espoused by this group of Nigerians to con their victims.

Much has been said about the greed of the victims themselves, and I need not say more about it.

However, at a time when Americans are committing heinous crimes against children and women, nobody has tagged all Americans as murderous.

So, why call all Nigerians rogues because of the sin of a few bad eggs?

Oprah regularly tells her life story: how she was sexually abused by close relations, how she ‘walked the streets’ (Americans’ euphemism for prostitution), etc., but nobody has ever deemed it fit to tag all American men as incestuous because of Oprah and others’ experiences.

She did drugs – just like the typical American teenager, but nobody has cast all American youths in the mould of drug abusers!

So, why should an individual that is supposed to know better sentence a nation to odium for the infraction of a tiny fraction of its population?

I urge Oprah and her likes to disabuse their minds about Nigerians.

Be wary of requests for money from strangers, and if you fall for a scam, blame your greed and not Nigerians.

Okoli Vitalis,

legendchyke@gmail.com


http://www.punchng.com/Articl.aspx?theartic=Art200707260133325
Ps: to the owners of the blog I’m sorry for invading your blog. I just felt we Nigerians need to let go of that inferiority complex of American things being way better than Nigerian’s. We need to make our stuff better too if we think it is not up to standard.

Gift said...

oh wow i'm too through with you. I think i need to lay low off your blogs while i'm at work before i get fired..

jokes

uNWrItten* said...

yepa!! my night is officially made

!!! hilarious ish
!!

RomanticVoice said...

Fineboyyyyyyyyyy ooooooo no dull moment hahhahahah your a joker,Baba alaye is A joker,ms catwalq she be real JOKER abeg una dey crack me up ooo this blog awww you guys deserve awardsssssssssssss hahahahaha FOR AKINZO,U WANNA KILL OUR LIVING LEGEND OF HUMOR?HAHAH SECURITY MAN@3AM WHEN WITCHES ARE AT THEIR CRIB HAHAHA FINEBOY YOU TOO MUCH GOSHHHHHHHH!!!

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