Friday, January 25, 2008

Live from Lagos; Random Musings

DAAAAAMN! 3 months!!!! I’m effed men! Happy New Year my people. I’m so sorry I’ve been AWOL, but a lot’s been going on with your boy. I’ve been mad busy with things outside of blogger like relocating, running a business, and tweaking my first novel.

What’s good now? It’s been a minute! I’ve missed you guys men. What’s happening in blogsville? Shout out to the bloggers who’ve remained consistent and tried to keep this blogville thing alive. Special shout out to my sweetheart Bella, who’s always on top of her game, constantly updating. Kai, I dey always jealous am!

Christmas was crazy men. Spent it in Nige of course, but it was different ‘cos I knew I was back for good. This Nigeria is crazy men! Real concrete jungle, as in, I’ve witnessed all sorts of madness since last December. I’ve been around for a month now, and this is the longest that I’ve been in Nige in eleven years! Of course it’s weird, but I’m loving it.

It’s funny how quickly I’ve adapted to life in Nige though. Back in the day, when I would come back for Christmas, I’d be giving everybody N500 and N1k. Now. Omo, which side? Na so so N100 and N200 I dey dash people. Abeg I no dey earn dollar again.

The other day I was in traffic in V.I and this little boy came and started spraying liquid soap on my windscreen. I was trying to wave him away, but he wouldn’t go o. He just ignored me until he had squeegeed off the dirty soap water. He now came to my window and stretched out his hand for dough. Of course, as usual my coin compartment was full of twenty and ten naira notes, so I gave the guy ten naira. My people, if you see the abuse wey this small boy fire on top my head ehn? I don suffer.

Boy- Oga na how much be this?

Me-Huh?

He started to walk away.

Boy- E no go better for you! Ten naira inside this big car. Oloshi Olori buruku……

Me- Ehn? Am I your mate?

Boy- Comot there! Yeye man.

I swear I started to remove my seat belt so I could get out the car, but I come re-think am. Na so some agberos fit just come carry my car go because i wan dey chase one ill-mannered urchin. The boy sef disappeared. I don suffer for Lagos o. I’m glad I’ve become accustomed to Lagos life though. Even my mum says I’m now a real Lagos man. Everyday, new things happen that just amaze me though. If I begin tell una story, we go dey here all day.

One of the things I wondered about when I was moving back was what going out on dates would be like. Like in the states, I had a long mental list of the best restaurants for a first date. Another one for special dates; like birthdays and valentine’s day. I knew where the best movie houses were. Basically, dating came easy.

But in Nige, I was wondering; where would you take a girl on a date? The thing also is, I drive in lagos, but my navigation is limited. I know how to get around VI and Ikoyi. I know VI to Lekki and VGC. I know VI or Ikoyi to Ikeja. FINISH. If you start adding new locations, na wahala. So there was my question; what if babygirl lives in some random place like Akowonjo? How would you find it? Sat-Nav no dey Naija o. Wahala.

That reminds me; hehe, as usual let me digress small…....so I met ms. Beautiful through a friend in December. Lovely chick, just moved back as well from the states. We met up on a Friday afternoon, and were headed to cactus to get some shawarmas and drink chapman by the water. Kai. Effizy dey Naija o.

Anyhow, we stopped at the Total gas station by the VGC gate, and I told the attendant to fill it up. Ms. Beautiful went into the little shop thingy to get PK gum. So there I was, getting my money ready for the attendant when I hear this thick Hausa accent in my window.

“Oga, you like this one? This one go good po you well well.”

I look up and see this tall mallam dude holding a colourful box. At first I didn’t even see what was on the box properly, then:

YEEPA!!!

My people, I don die. On the cover of the box was a drawing of a naked dude with the biggest GBOLA you’ve ever seen in your life. On top of the drawing was written in bold pink, “VIAGRA.” Ah ah, which kin’ Viagra be this one?

Me- (laughing)- Aboki thank you I no want.

Aboki- Ah, You dey laugh oga mi. This one if you drink am, you go poke, poke, poke, you no go tire.

Ha.

“Aboki, thank you, I say I no want.”

Aboki- E good o. That ya egba (cane) go dey stand well well. E no go die lai lai.

Me- Ah ah. Aboki, I be young man, I no need am now.

Aboki- I know say you be young man, but you no say your thing no dey reach the last bus stop. If you drink am, e go touch him bus stop well well. Madam go dey cry yeeeeeeeeee, yeeeeee, yeeee no killiiii me ooo.

Were. Who told him “I no dey reach the last bus stop?”

Men, I just wanted the guy to fade quickly before Ms. Beautiful came out of the store.

Aboki-Oga I swear no be lie, this one na gidigba gidigba.. Drink am, e go be like fire for madam yansh.

See me see trouble o. Abi is this guy mad? Ms. Beautiful starting walking towards the car.

Me- Oya oya, aboki carry am go quick quick. My wife don come.

Aboki- Oga mi, walahi talahi, when I drink am for this one, I just dey flog my iyawo with my egba. I just dey flog am, flog am, flog am so tay, the thing no die. She just dey cry " Aaaaaays! Danladi don killi me ooooo! E don finish my life oooo!"

Na God go punish this aboki o! I was winking at the guy to disappear men.

She got in the car. This madman didn’t leave o!!!! He now bent in the window and displayed it fully!

Aboki- Oga, okay you say the money too much. Just give me N200. Your thing go dey fire go like pistol machine, walahi.

Ha! I don die, now this girl is gonna think I was actually negotiating with this mallam o.

Me- My guy, I say I no want.

I looked at the attendant, “This thing isn’t full yet?”

Aboki- Oya oga, what of this one? You talk say your thing dey touch madam last bus stop. Abi madam?

Yeeepa! Oloshi.

The guy stuck out his forearm and clenched his fist, then grabbed his right elbow.

Aboki- This one if you drink am, your gbango go long, e go come stand well well. Berry strong, I no go lie to you oga mi. Madam you see am?

I wanted to die. Ms. Beautiful was just looking straight ahead. Finally the attendant filled up and I paid and zoomed off. For the rest of the ride I was so embarrassed I swear. Good thing is she has a sense of humour and we just laughed it off. Bastard aboki.

Some things only happen in Lagos I swear.

Just the other day I got stopped by the traffic warden at Ozumba Mbadiwe in VI, so he could let traffic through from the opposite side. Just as I stopped, this LASMA guy (the road safety dudes) comes in front of the car and says; “Oga you don commit. You’re using ya mobile.”

Me- Officer, it was an emergency call now. I had to answer it. Oya sorry, sorry.

Officer- Sorry? Hiss.

Dude freaking jumps into the backseat of the car!!! (My boy Roroski was in the passenger seat.)

Me- Ah ah.

Officer- Oya, we’re going to the station. Nonsense. We must impound this vehicle, or I arrest you, or both.

Arrest ko, arrest ni.

Roroski- Officer, shebi we’ve begged you. He got off the phone now.

Officer- My friend, drive! Una small small boys think say because u dey drive big car, u fit dey do anyhow. DRIVE!

The warden waved my lane through, and I just pushed the central lock button.

Me- You wicked abi? We go see who go arrest who today.

Officer- You say wetin?

Me- Hiss.

Now, me and Roroski just started talking, and then I increased the volume of my Sasha P CD.

Officer- Slow down, slow down.

Roroski- Are you mad? Na you get car?

I just dey fire the car through Lekki Epe expressway men. Na so officer begin beg o.

Officer- Chairman, please slow down o. Slow down. We’ve passed the station. Ah.

Me- No o. You be big man now abi? Radio your station. Tell them I’ve arrested you. You’re in trouble today.

Officer- Egba mi o. Ha. Oloun o ma ni je' ari Esu o! Aiye mi!
(God please dont let me come across evil o! My life!)

Officer- Bros! (tapping Roroski on the shoulder) Please help me beg am now. I just dey do my work. Please ehn?

Roroski- Beg ke? E don vex o. Better beg him yourself.

The dude started begging o. I was dying of laughter inside, but I just blanked him.

Officer- My chairman, please I’m sorry ehn. You’re going too far away for me. Please bros, I make a mistake. I don’t know that it’s you. I would have not make the mistake. Please I’m taking God to beg you, my chairman.

Me- Hiss.

The dude was now sweating. I come begin wonder why the guy dey sweat. What was he afraid of? He probably thought my popsi was some military guy that was gonna flog his yansh when we got home. Luckily there was no traffic all the way to VGC, but as I slowed down at the gate to go over a speed hump, the dude just jumped out like a monkey. It was hilarious men.

Me- Ah ah, officer wait! Why did you run now?

The guy bolted away and stood at a distance. Of course all the people in the area were just cracking up. I told him “Officer you’re lucky o. The next time you try me, I will deal with you squarely!” (LOL, I learnt that statement in Naija.)

The guy now starts bowing.

“Sorry sir, I’m sorry.”

As I began to drive into VGC, the guy shouted,

“My chairman, please no vex. Please can you assist me with N150 for okada back to the station?”

Only in Nigeria.



Happy 2008 y’all. It feels so good to be back. Oh and Izie, this one's for you. ;-)

216 comments:

1 – 200 of 216   Newer›   Newest»
Chameleon said...

and i ammmmmmmmmmm

FIRST!!!!!

Chameleon said...

welcome back MFB... we missed you!
can u do me a favour and get some of those pills off mallam.... im sure i can find some willing participants in jahnd.
xxxx

Rayo said...

THIRD!!!

jadedjune said...

fourthhhhhh!!!!

Chameleon said...

june... show off! how about leaving a real comment?

jadedjune said...

“My chairman, please no vex. Please can you assist me with N150 for okada back to the station?”

LMFBAO!!!

Rayo said...

Oh goodness! Thank you for finally updating...I just made a complete madwoman of myself in the library because I couldn't stop laughing.

jadedjune said...

@chameleon....i dey watch u ooo....

Anonymous said...

Mehn ..good to know that you are back...ur too funny..i like the statement that you made"you wicked abi? See who go arrest who today...im cracking up...pls update soon. can't wait.

Jack Bloggs said...

Welcome back... You didnt say anything about the business you are starting o! And what kind of book are you writing? Are you looking to get it published?

Indigenous Productions said...

you are FUNNY!!! Lawwwlllll!!

Orientatednaijababe said...

Welcome back.....Missed ur posts so much. U r really a true 9ja man now...I wish i cud be in Nigeria with the way u were describing all those joints and places..U make it sound like great fun.

Goodluck with Lagos babes, look forward to reading more 9ja stories.

Wen r u releasing this novel of urs?

MAMA's sister/your wife to be said...

i havent read it yet but i had to be #13th. first of all dont u people have work? ah ah the dude just posted last nite and already u people have left messages........hiss. i shall be back for a real comment.

Addie said...

Mr fine boy..u wont kill me with laughter o..lol...ohmygosh..that aboki wanted to cramp your style sha..only in naija..viagra on the street..if someone buys it now only God knows what will happen
anyways its all good
glad to have you back..i dont need to ask u if u r enjoying naija..i can c u r..

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

lol!! welcome to lagos man, those lastma guys ehn?? meanwhile u owe me a phone call na??? haba!!

Gift said...

Okay mr. fine boy i see you!! i see you haven't lost ur touch.. uhmm idk abt u writing a post for izie.. tell her to pop off son!! lol thats my sis.. anywho.. you're tight

30+ said...

Na wa o 16 comments already.

Nice one again, which is one is Gbola

Anonymous said...

so, so glad you're back! my friend turned me on to your blog 2months ago and I have checked every day for your return! Where's Akinzo these days??

Jaycee said...

I was dreaming to be top 5...

Oh well, I guess I have to settle for top 20. Na wa o. Let me go back and nourish my eyes...

Allied said...

lol.. you arrestd an officer? only in lagos.. Welcome back

This post was hilarious..

Simi said...

*sings* praise god...hallelujah, praise God Amen...

geisha said...

lol... this was hilarious! i've never heard of arresting an officer, and i live here!
bad guy ;)

O.šeyï said...

I will never be first on this thing... I've given up


:) ... funny as always
(aboki)

'dara said...

Finally!!! welcome back! I had almost given up hope. It's good to have u back, as usual i was in stitches (of laughter) as i read ur latest entry please keep 'em coming.

Jack Slater said...

This guy u're a funny dude. You told the guy to radio the station as if dem fit pull that kind stunt in Naij:
"Officer down, I need back up, suspect is armed and dangerous..."

But bruv this book stuvs I'm feeling it. Make you just take style and release the title/subject matter. Just to build up the hype.

pink gloves said...

lol. I just died laughing. LASMA and co are a trip I swear.
Reminds me of when they stopped me in Lagos this xmas.

temmy tayo said...

I choked on my rice, I am calling my lawyer..................

bumight said...

28 is the new first joo!
just when we were giving up hope. hope you stay for real this time!
I couldn't stop laughing!!!!!

bhookey said...

lmaoooooooooooooooooooo fineboy ure kolo mehn lol i see ure now a naija boy o , dont worry ill join u in june! hope ure good tho.....l8rs, great post as usual , we should wait another year before the next update shey

Girlie said...

am 30th if that counts for anything....
The mallam story was just juicy....Welcome back...pls do come back agai....

Theres no place like Naija u must admit....

xxx

Thoughts Aloud said...

You surely are something else but great to have u back- ur stories have been missed.

Anonymous said...

u r back!!! i thot u had abandoned us o! now lemme go and read....

Anonymous said...

was talking about you last night!! love the blog..good work dude. you have been missed.

Unbiased said...

So you relocated he???
After all the times i tried calling you. I vex big o!! In fact......................we go finish this thing on phone.
Na only you naija katakata dey follow sef.

Unmodern said...

Yup welcome. That cracked me up sha ...Last Bus stop LOL

Nwanyi Ocha said...

olololol lawllll

Ah ah - what is it now?

na only this blog una dey stalk! wetin!

chammie i'm watching you!!!!!

MFB... no long thing.... welcome back

* gidigba gidigba *

lololol, only you... only you

B said...

this is hilarious. i was in such a mood before i read this...not anymore. i know what u mean with the LASTMA guys....i just dont even allow them the opportunity to get into my car. And when i speak English for them, they dont know whose daughter, wife or sister I am! i miss lagos...more gist

afunto` baby™ said...

lol something similar happen to me like that tooo it was at ligali ayorinde...infact i made a mistake i sud have did what u done and taken him to epe town..he wud have seen peppper.......the idiots now had the gots to take us to etiose local goverment..lol. what was i thinking? nice story thooo...happy new year.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

yeeeeeeeee,
how did i miss this one?
I am so pissed right now.!!!!!!!!!

Fineboy, you have earned a good caning.
After, I camped here....

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

I will say what I have to say and then i am not speaking to you: I loved it...
Now, I am not speaking to you

Anonymous said...

Mr Fine boy. All these ones come happen to you. You no dey hear word o!

Na Mr Fine boy wey u be, true! true!

I hail o!

sTeLlAsGrOoVe said...

my first time here and i hve been laffing my head off since.this gist is tooooooooooooooooo funny abeg.ah ah.

fifi said...

ok...so u took ur time...well...it was worth the wait..welcome back !!!!

blossom said...

ROFLMAO!!! I should've done so to the LASTMA guy that entered my car one beautiful saturday morning. what crime did i commit??? illegal u-turn..imagine that lol

Doja said...

All these stories are so funny!! Thank God we can laugh about them. Please let us know when the book is out.
cheers

Anonymous said...

1st rule always lock your car doors!those crazy lastma people have taught me that
and yes you r effed for not updating for 3 months-lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!wow thats a big step u took moving to 9ja!!!but please island is not the only place in Lagos...

NIGERIA POLITRICKS said...

GBOLA
gidigba gidigba...
my guy u don kolo finish. na u get language pass. I hail!

Anonymous said...

LMAO....ur too funny...enjoy ur nu life in naija.

Sha said...

Hahahahaha... aboki is a trip.. HOME SWEET HOME!

יש (Yosh) said...

Man, u no go kill man! Golly! My side seriously hurts.

shola pacheco said...

nice blog fineboy,hilarious as well typical lagos na wah

Kemdelicious said...

OMG!!! I can’t believe I’m just getting in on this crack!!! Dude!!! U almost got me fired!!! I now know NEVER TO READ THIS AT WORK!!! See me see trouble oh!!! It was so bad…I hat to run to the bathroom to let out the laughter that had been threatening to come out and get me fired!!! U are just too funny!!! I’m totally going to check u out everyday!!! Only in Naija can u arrest the popo’s or faux popo’s in this case. ROTFLMFAO!!!! Please keep ur posts coming often!!! U’re too much! Muah!

Arewa said...

Well come back...I don miss u well well.
U got that right all this madness only happens in our dear Naija.

Calabar Gal said...

Fine Boy -so u dey reach last busstop eh? LOL!!

Free to be me... said...

He's back!

YAY!!!

Yembel said...

MY FIRST TIME TO MAKE COMMENTS BUT HAVE BEEN A REGULAR READER ONLY THAT U'RE ALWAYS A "BREAK IN TRANSMISSION",ANYWAYS,LOVE UR BLOG LIKE MAD AND YOU,"SEI MATTO!!!NOTHING ELSE TO DESCRIBE U...

Yembel said...

u're really a daily tonic,come here to relax myself after a tough day but wat do i get...my parents think i'm going mad when i start rolling out laughters,God bless u,and dont be a naija guy o(break in transmission),blog frequently,so dat we dont get disappointed every now and then we look forward to taking ur daily tonic.
ciao.

dana said...

the malam story is mad funny ooo!

Anonymous said...

welcome back.. trust you to deliver as usual. you wicked small,wahala you had me cracking up with the mallam's story and the officer. I just have to you the award of PAPA AJASCO of blogsville. Happy new year.

Anonymous said...

"The guy stuck out his forearm and clenched his fist, then grabbed his right elbow."

Such a big loophole in your longtale.

IF your imaginary aboki was HOLDING tha goods he was selling as you portrayed,then how could he have EMPLOYED BOTH his hands to demonstrate what you described,WITHOUT dropping his goods?

you just NEEDED to embellish your story didnt you?
don'y worry,even the best of them do it.

MissO said...

Oh my God that post was so funny, lmao.. Wow only in Lagos mehn ..

uknaija said...

Welcome back and a happy new year to you too

Anonymous said...

where have you been? mo ti miss eh gan oh

Naija Chickito said...

First time here but love you to bits. Very original. Going back to read the older posts.

vindication through innocence said...

YAY!!you are back- welcome o!!least im in the top 100!thats good enough for me

Anonymous said...

OMG....am seriously cracking up and i have to go to class...lol never visited your blog but this is hilarious. Na wah oh Naija will never change, but anyways good luck oh....ha ha ha

2ndCorin5:17 said...

correct 9ja stories!! Everyone is moving back mehn... NIIICCEEE

Ariiyike said...

U sound like u've been in nige forever!
Nice post.. i had a good laff.

BumyPerfect Photography said...

This guy, you are so hilarious.
ah ah, was as if i was there.
Those lastma guys can be so so.
I know dat aboki guy from way back 2005. i actually spent a long time questioning him.

BumyPerfect Photography said...

@ Mr anonymous 19:17
I'm sure fineboy didnt embelish any story, i can relate with the incident. if u'r in naija, just take a drive to Total at VGC. u'll see the aboki.

Olive said...

Jesu! 70 comments alreaddyyyyyy. I swaer fineboy, i swore never to come here again bcos ur own shakara plenty, but for wia?! who am i fooling jare?! I have been checkn twice daily while cursing u under mai breath.lol! ok, lemme g'an read

Olive said...

anon 19:17 biko chill....y r u cracking ur brain for such a simple matter...shiooo...had it occured 2 u that this aboki might have had a bag with him or that maybe he put the package between his thighs for a few secs while he demonstrated??

Bobby said...

So you were in naija? And i didnt know...

Kai!

Nice one...

teddy said...

d funniest blog ever!
i think i got it from bellanaija,i check like 10blogs daily and i jus discovered you!
u are d "clo" in clown!!!!!!!!!!!!!
gosh,are u on facebook?

SouLBoutiQue said...

Welcome Back! So you're back in Nigeria enjoying while some of us are stuck in dry Jand....wish you nothing but the best...

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanks for the love guys! I appreciate you guys! For real for real...

TinTin said...

Welcome back..i cant believe i'm no 76 or is it 77..schwezzz!!! gawshhh we missed around here!!! do not ever leave us for that long again!!! unless!!
anyways coming to nig to join u soon!!! xoxox

olaide said...

I wish I knew when you came to nigeria i would have looked for you just to give a knock!!! u are the 2nd blogger i would love to meet---- you are just too kolo !!!!
this was another nice one

darkelcee said...

* wailing *

Fineboy!

Let me first thank God you are back then let u know this post is hilarious!

but men e tay before you update!
i always stop by this blog every morning but missed out this few daysonly for me to see ur aboki story.

Welcome to naija.

Anonymous said...

LOl, at the lastma episode, I've carried one my self and let him off on third mainland, the idiot even begged to be taken to a bus stop.
It's good to have you back.

caramel said...

wow!! welcome back..
funny story.. cant wait to visit naija also this xmas..
have fun

caramel said...

introducing my blog!!!1

KemiMamaLopes said...

You have a lot to answer for. First you swan off and leave us hanging and then you come back and I decide to catch up on my way home. Missed my stop! Mind yourself.

coolgal said...

mr fine boy hmmm love your blog

Anonymous said...

I really like your blog, I cant stop laughing (my housemates must think there is something wrong with me). Keep up the good work and enjoy yourself in naija

Anonymous said...

Dem boys.....yeah...they kill time on the road. But, guy man must survive so let does boys do their thing. 20 box is not even enuogh to eat one meal but hey, pure water is all they want expecially now that things have gotten very hard in Naija.

Kenechukwu Nwanah said...

Dem boys.....yeah...they kill time on the road. But, guy man must survive so let does boys do their thing. 20 box is not even enuogh to eat one meal but hey, pure water is all they want expecially now that things have gotten very hard in Naija.

ayomise said...

UHMMMM bad belle!!! ANONYMOUS @19.17
abeg who forced u to read or even come to Mr fineboys blog?.....i certainly see no pistol on ur fore head....so shoot off abeg...who fxxking cares what u think?...i dont and i bet the rest of the eighty something pple on this comment site dont!!!! you will never be anything but ANONYMOUS!!!
party spoiler, envious wannabe!!
enuf said

dolly said...

Welcome back

Yellow Yellow said...

Lol.. Abeg you are funny o.. I was laughing my ass off.. started reading your blog was listening to one of my friends tell me about his issues.. at some points had to put the phone on mute.. man.. i'm not a good friend o.. lol

Gbemi's Piece said...

OMG! Hilarious. First time on your blog. I'll be back, no doubt.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

much needed tonic.

c'est la vie said...

its gud 2 ve u back on blogville, LOL!!! @ ur naija experience, sure u're avin a fab time in naija, all d best man xxx

Ps: just mk sure u update regularly :)

butterfliesandstars said...

new here! welcome back - read all your previous posts over christmas.

loving the stuff. naija for life!

Anonymous said...

eshe akowonjo o random oooo

Chameleon said...

nwanyi ocha... hehehe... not to worry, we are all winners...

amebo anon 19.17... u have time sha! did u practice that move at home before writing ur comment. s'tin tell me ur sad arse did!

guerreiranigeriana said...

wow...i have been cruising by hoping one day you would update...persistence, it pays...

...lmao...what a story or three...you are funny as shit!!!!...you were going to arrest the officer?...what would you have done if he had not begun to sweat ehn?...kai...good luck with your business and book...

Aloofaa said...

You are so funny!
=))

Afrobabe said...

omg...laughing so much dont even know what to comment on....hilarious stuff men...glad to have u back, you stopped blogging as soon as I found ur blog.....

Zena said...

now really, think about it, what you did, was it a good thing ehn!leaving us high and dry,

My mom would absolutely love you, you and her wud get along with that craziness, lol

abeg, hope u stay sha, cheers.

Anonymous said...

100 comments? after abandoning blogsville for 3 months?

this boy is using something.....!

Dimples said...

LMAO!!!....Fine boy u won't kill me o...
Good to know ur settling in well well...Xmas was a blast sha...continue having loads of fun for me too...might just take ur advice and move back..
Anyho..take care of u.

Anonymous said...

I know you're busy but please keep posting your blog is amazing!

OLICIOUS said...

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....DAMNNNNN..OMG...NAIJA 4 LYFE MAYNEEE

Idemili said...

Hahahaah! How did he get out now? Did you unlock the door?

So, you left these shores without hooking up with me first? You're in trouble.

Today's ranting said...

lawl. Didn't know u back.Funny story as ever.The aboki won disgrace u.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Fine Boy,
I came accross your blog for the first time today and I laughed.
Would be very interested in publishing your live from lagos story. Please get in touch at
info@kitukizuri.com
Thank you
Mrs Ogbolu

desperate lady said...

damn where is my comment suppose to fit? damn once again! Never in history would i have thought i would be 108th......damn again.
let me go read sha, i've heard a lot about u so let me see for maself.

desperate lady said...

lmfaooooooo shiiit that was funny as fuck! Yo that mallam almost screwed u up maann.

OyeboGirl! said...

wow you actually wrote a blog...damn!!! ahahaha..lagos men..seriously...nah wah for lagos...whetin be seatbelt for lagos...god I havent been back in soo long, I cant believe u actually wear seatbelts there....Have fun out there :)

Anonymous said...

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? an update?????.. ok Candy calm down... "breathe"
count to ten... 1, 2,...
"thats better"
"now go and read the post"

Anonymous said...

On point as usual dear..
danm i missed u!!!
as for anon 19:17, ode should be ur middle name!!!
Candy

Bubétos said...

Bella wasn't playing oh. you just made my day!LMAO - laughing with my head like right next to the screen... I am going back home later this year and I trust this is what I'll experience. Thanks for updating.

Bluntremi said...

Welcome back - Funny as usual!!!
I obviously cannot yap you for not blogging, I am probably worse than you!! I went back to Naija for the first time in 8 yrs last week and it was QUITE a change!!!

DAVID said...

How the heck are you jealous of bella? Apart from the Sartorialist, I dunno any blogger that has ever received 114 comments. Dang! lol

Anonymous said...

Fineboy!!! Ope ooooo!!! As always HILARIOUS update...the Lastma story is too funny might have to try that too!...Enjoy Lagos for us oh!

Adekunle Shobowale said...

That Malo at the VGC Petrol Station is a Goat.He's been warned several times not to peddle his junk. Next time just Bark at him "Get out my friend" he go dissapear.
Forget LASTMA. The new scourge of Lagos are the Council officials who will arrest you for changing lanes.Be esp careful at the Adetokunbo Ademola round about.If they ever catch you call somebody "important "lol.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

okay, see me see trouble. If not for Catwalq, I no for know say u don finally update. Na wa for you sef.

Welcome back Bobo. I am sooo happy to read about your exploits! That aboki na wa oh! lol

olu said...

Yeah!!! Was reading MADE recently and was wondering when you were going to be back. Good to know you are back though your updates are sporadic.

Those morrafucking LASTHMA guys deserve that and more.

CS said...

Hi!
I'm helping develop a website that's part newsgatherer part social networking engine. One of our features is Nigerian bloggers of note.
How can I get in touch with you about republishing your blog on our website?

CS said...

sorry! I can be reached at bibi@yellowdognigeria.com for more information.
KOTGW

Mocha said...

LMAO!!!! That your gist funny D-I-E!!
That Aboki was crraaaazzzzzyyyyyy!!!! LOL!!

I'm still waiting for the LASTMA guy that'll try me; I go clear pesin leg for Lagos!

And my guy; always make sure your central lock is on. Even when they tell you to open your doors, DONT.

Nice one Fineboy.

Nuff said, update.

Red Puree said...

I really dont know what to say to you.All these comments..only you..!!!I am sha waiting for your 200th comment to break your own record. I shall personally send you a cheque when this happens ...lol!

cool muthafucka said...

Hahahahaha...nice one! keep it coming son

Atlanta-man said...

Nna, you made a complete mess of me. See how I dey laf so tay i fall comot from chair. You do that LASMA guy well. Way to go, next time when he see big motor he go think well before he approach them to arrest. Good job. Abeg if you get more hillarious gist about your recent trip to nija, make you post am....cheers man.

babyjells said...

Chei! First time reading your blog, but you nearly killed me!!!! I was laughing so hard, I choked on my chocolates. I want my chocolates back! Na wa for naija!!!! I haven't been back in years, but I miss it so much! I'm jealous right about now.

africa entertainment and sports said...

This is our motherland.Welcome home and let's fix it together....We sure can do with your sense of humour.

Simi Speaks said...

so this is where everyone's at? i missed the party.

127 comments? unreal!

anyways, glad ur back! can u plsssssssssssss update more often? I know u busy and all.

theicequeen said...

first of all..welcome back!!!!!!!!! you stopped blogging as soon as i found your blog. not fair! lol..good to know youre weiting again, oh, and let us know boyt your book when its done!

see me laughing like a mad person, my father will soon ask my if my assignment is amusing.*try in vain to compose myself*..kai, next time, tell those traffic people no problem, that all of you will go to army barracks...you should see how they respond sharpish!! at least it works in PH!

p.s. dont leave us hanging for three months..ever.again! lol

Anonymous said...

Mr FineBoy no come bushit our side o! Make u come back for de blog, now.......................

Abi, we dey chase you comot for de plaaaaaace, i kwa, abi?

Anyway... sha, nothing spoil.

As u go dey ever connect.

How u take see am, Mr FineBoy?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous on 28 January 2008 19:17...why do you have to think of it like that...if you don't appreciate good humor then don't read abi..leave mr fine boy o ahn ahn wharisit?

uNWrItten* said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a while! lol!
this blog made my day..thanks!!

Bubétos said...

fine boy, na wa for you oh. this kin long throat sef u dey do us, haba now! abeg update!

Bubétos said...

daily tonic?
more like monthly tonic! in some cases sef, quarterly!lol
ok, sorry now. jus missing you das all. and i just found this blog o..insatiable, right?

theicequeen said...

lmao at "ill deal with you squarely!"

Chic said...

LOL... damn! the mallam wants to embarrass u to buy his viagra...hahaha...

ablackjamesbond said...

Welcome to Lagos Bro!

Make i give you one tip off. If your waka carry you come ojuelegba, and u come dey inside traffic, abeg make u no listen if some pple begin tell u say ur engine dey overheat. Nna na set up o!

Nine said...

ROFLMAO.Just discovered this blog.LASTMA eh?Something of the sort happened to a friend of mine as well.

Well you've met the LASTMA guys and the merchant mallams.Just watch out for the Nigerien refugee children:D

femme fatale said...

OMG!!U r gonna make me get fired!your blog is the ish!i've been laughing so hard...pls pls pls dont leave it too long before you post again!
BTW thx for the LASTMA tip im so gonna use it...in short im gonna start baiting them so i can use it....lol!!
and dont mind that silly anonymous,joblessness and beef...not a good combo!

Anonymous said...

that was crazy hilarious. missed u babes, ur blogs i mean. good to have u back. dont b gone too long between posts again o.

babeandahalf said...

Ms Beautiful? What about Finebabe?

Ms. Catwalq said...

I suggest we brush this guy for not updating

Mimi said...

Mr fineboy, I will be extremely English in MY response, sorry can't do the pigeon think like you. A friend of mine in Nigeria told me to view your blogg.
I was feeling a bit down today, but I have never laugh so much in the space of 5 mins. Your blogg is hilarious.
Just returned to Nigeria........GOSH! You are a brave man. Hope everything works out for you. I can't see myself taking that step at this stage. But we must all make decisions that suit us.
Hope the Hausa man did'nt cramp your style in the end.
Was going to ask you to read mine, but mine is boring compared to your adventures so I think I will just start looking out for your next instalment. Keep blogging.

ejatutu said...

LOOOOL, I had to stop reading after a while before I choke now. man i miss naija. I am hoping to relocate soon just a bit scared. That's naji for u sha, small pikin go dey abuse u. Pls update us on what's shakin down there

Anonymous said...

Mr Fineboy u're effed be dat, now. (He's laughing.)

U come leave us hanging.

Aaaaaaaaaaagh.... e no dey good, now. Abeg, may u update naah.....

Abasi Mbo!

Jibbs! said...

LOL, omg, damn!!! This is definitely a funny side to lagos

Vickii said...

Welcome back!! I can't believe what you did to that policeman, lol, he'll definitely think twice before he tries his rubbish again.

Miss Kiki said...

Those nig hawkers are crazy mehn..Love ur blog Mr.fineboy. pls update oh! I'm ur latest fan!

uNWrItten* said...

update!!

Pink-satin said...

ahn!ahn!u take too much time in updating..wetin dey do you sef!haba!

Bookie19 said...

DAMN 150 comments..U dey try oo This is the first time ive come on a site with 150 comments..
U need to update jo..ive been stalkin ur blog hopin u will comment soon..

your mate's sista said...

lololllllllllllllll. i can't believe you updated and my sister didn't tell me. i grew tired of checking your blog i even thought you had stopped blogging.
i discovered your blog about end of last year through my big sister who is/was your mate. do you know that my nose actually bled after reading your mama rosco post cuz i was laughing so much. that and pastor fineboy.
i wondered why you called yourself fineboy and thought that was rather vain but then my sister showed me your picture and i take back my initial vanity thought cuz you have earned the right to be vain. you look well fit.
am not toasting you pleeze am only 20 yrs old lol and i know you are older since you are mates with my big sister who is eleven years my senior, but i just cant resist being a big fan. you are even on her facebook and i wanted to request you as a friend but wasn't sure if i should ask her first cuz last time i asked her about you she said y'all no longer chat. maybe she's just being strict i don't know. i wonder how she knows some of these bloggers she tells me about i suspect she may even be a blogger lol.
anyway fineboy i have gushed out a sermon here. that shows excited i am. am off to read for my exams. please keep updating us with funny stories am your no 1 fan.

have a good one fineboy.

your mate's sista said...

p.s.
clue: you know what i look like cuz am in my sister's albums.

zara said...

hey welcome back nice write up as aways.. funny too and HEY! I WAS so psycheddd! wen i saw u on tv,, i finally know ur name and wat u look like.. hehe lol

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

WTH??? Please excuse my abbreviated language, but it seems that this blog makes me break out in to offensive speech and language!

Why offer "Daily, Daily Tonic" in the header of your blog if ordinary monthly tonic is a problem for you? Na wetin? I stop by for my fix, but you are absent. If I catch you.............

Nonsense and ingredients!!!! And a whole 150-something comments later and yo no fit greet people with update. I don vex. I dey go watch film...

NigerianDramaQueen said...

I second Solomosydelle! Someone needs to update!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha update na..abi na wetin.
Like Catwalq said, we will brush you o!

Sally said...

158th!!!
Lawl Lawl Lawl....
hehehheheheeehheheee

Anonymous said...

This dude is hilarious men....ahn! ahn!...nothing do you oh!...I say nothing do you!....My mates are reading and me I am doing the daily daily tonic, with mr fineboy. If you dn't update ehn!...i will update you!....

Yetty said...

update now...im sure u have somn from Vals day to blog about

Anonymous said...

i think i just spent as much time reading the comments as i did reading the post

flabby said...

I'm just going to read this post again! I don't think you can read all the comments! so many!

Anonymous said...

Dude is funny!!!!
Just discovered your blog, needless to say you're gifted!!!

Vera Ezimora said...

LOL.

That is just soooo sad. I have been cracking up like an idiot. Really, some things only happen in Naija. Imagine if Ms. Beautiful didnt have a sense of humour. You woulda been screwed!

Coffie said...

Got me cracking up for real!!

check out my blog..
http://coffieblog.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

hi, pls post ur email add. need to ask you a private question about lagos. welcome back.

x.C.i.n.n.a.m.o.n.x said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
x.C.i.n.n.a.m.o.n.x said...

L O Frikin L, shiiiitt 9ja mehnn!!

K.J-Azuara said...

Crazy man....was good to meet u when you came thru...Dude ur stuff sounds like it came straight outta Ikebe Super...Anyways, great imagery n stories...

Anonymous said...

OK now this whole thing naijafineboy is doing is paining me..no lie..can you imagine that...leaving us for so long and then not even bothering to answer the comments at all..EVERYBODY BOYCOTT THIS BLOG ABEG..i check this thing every hour just to see if u have updated..but aha..no show..am very dissapointed that u'll leave us hangin..from now on...i'll post everyday asking people to BOYCOTT...lol....haba na...my guy wetin dey...at least reply comment or even sef...post say u dey alive ooo...dont put fear in me.....am just kidding about BOYCOTTING BUT AT LEAST.....

Mz. Dee said...

owwwwwwww cmonnnn update!!!!!!!! This is the 1st blogsite i visited in blogville.. dont stop inpsiring me now o!!

doll said...

updates...???

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...

The story abt the Nige police just cracked me up. Nigeria my Country. So policemen cannot even track themselves...I'm pretty sure they must have used some of them for "juju" by now...they cannot even telecommunicate!!!! Nothing like that! Woah!!! It's like the 21st century, right?

As for the aboki trying to sell u that stuff...he he he...na wa o...

Can u update so I can UP my game and be first? Thanks in advance...

TaureanMinx said...

Update

uNWrItten* said...

gosh...my days are incomplete w/o u..
fineboy why art thou forsaken blogsville...???

Vox said...

My God! I havent stopped rolling all over the floor with lafter.. I admire you are able to bring out the humor in your day to day life

The Explorer said...

Ehm bros, na wa o! Is it the novel that's keeping you busy? Is it the new job or whatever brought you back to Nige? Cos peeps like me decided to camp out at your blog hoping to get more of our "daily" tonic. And it ain't happening (and that ain't funny)

Don't forget, we've seen your face on channelsTV so if we vex find you for lag brush you, no feel bad... e go jus mean say you are a captive of your captive audience.

Having said all that... RESPECT MAN! Abeg make you consider penning scripts for naija sitcoms. Our Television needs you... ok at least Toyin Subair does.

Anonymous said...

damn fineboy ur blog is tewwwww maddd!! as in, I just found myself here randomly sha but I could'nt leave without reading all 20sumn blogs lol. No Im not jobless before u ask, just bored and in need of entertainment which u certainly provided. U know what else is funny? I actually know who u are (dont ask me how) n I think ur sexy as hell. Come bk with more stories. Oh and are u still with ms finegirl?

naijalines said...

Just found your blog in the last few days. you need to update o. Three months worth. We are all waiting.

Anonymous said...

pls update....................

The Explorer said...

We go soon start hunger-strike in protest O.

Waitaminute!

WhathehellamIsaying?

Me leave my food because of blog! Na today?!

Sorry O na excess zeal. We go soon start food-strike O. No post... and we hit the nearest food-joint console ourselves.

Vera Ezimora said...

Update!!!

The Explorer said...

UPDATE!!!

Anonymous said...

I miss you o Mr fineboy! You are necessary!

soupasexy said...

that was so funny!
geez, abeg give us more tonic jare.

LemonadeGirl said...

www.lemonsandlife.blogspot.com

Your blog always puts a smile on my face! Lol

LemonadeGirl
x

Anonymous said...

you are ridiculously hilarious!! read the first post and HAD to read them all... made my day mate!

Check out :

http://lemonsandlife.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

seriously now is this one sakara or what??? oya abeg come back ah ah are we sure this is not alaye that absconded once before

Anonymous said...

but dude..whats ur p now? leaving pplz hanging.. sczhewww

Funms said...

just found ur very interesting blog.... but uve stopped blogging.... pls update!!!! ur hilarious

WeirdGurl said...

http://weirdbabe.blogspot.com/

the technical virgin said...

lmao! this cracked me up!!!

Anonymous said...

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD STOP BEGGING HIM...PLEASE MR.FINEBOY DON'T UPDATE!!!

DO NOT UPDATE!!!!

Anonymous said...

Seriously... are we sure he's okay. Hope nothing has happend to him.

'Yar Mama said...

Wish I had the nerve to do the same to the 'yellow fever' that got in my car in Garki last week. His reason, my car did not have reflector stickers. Apparently, there is an unofficial law that besides the backlights that came with the car, you are also supposed to buy two red/silver reflector stickers to put above those lights. Imagine!!! Only in Nigeria

Omo calabar. said...

bros i dey throw away salute o, make u try update na, abeg.

hotness said...

come this Mr 'fineboy' with all this ur talk if u no correct to look at a.k.a. if u no HOT for real life i go VEX.
P.S: ur blog interesting no b small, keep it coming!

hotness said...

LOL

Anonymous said...

asin 5 months......Its nice 2 hav u back

Anonymous said...

I am the 200th - YAY!!! I believe some1 owe u some money (if you get 200 comments)... Please make sure u get ur dough....
But on the real, I just stumbled on your blog yesterday. Pretty cool...
Please don't deprive us ehn?
jo, biko, please, abeg

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