Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Son of my Father....

I was awoken by a phone call from my popsi this morning men. Omo! The man called at like 7.30, and I was still half-way in dreamland when the man started . See, my pops doesn’t just call to talk . The guy go use grammar explode your head! Na so the guy wan use English dabaru my brain today o.

Popsi: Well, son, what are your instincts about the Atiku fiasco? Nigeria is markedly facing an irrevocably devastating cataclysm no matter how much these bloody despots try to dress the situation up……..

What??? Men, me I’m having a hard time deciding between scones and eggs or yam and corned beef for breakfast, and this baba is talking politics this early momo. Since I started my master’s at this school sef, my popsi has just started seeing me as some young genius that he can be discussing current affairs with. I wouldn’t even mind if the guy didn’t use all these words to finish me! Ah ah!

Me: Yeah Dad, it’s a pretty sad situation.

Popsi: Of course it is son, but what are your thoughts? You as a third world youth, surveying the world through the eyes of one who is not only an envoy in the diaspora, but also a citizen and denizen of both civilizations. Your perspective is particularly unique in terms of your intrinsic loyalties, isn’t it? Your birthplace in the west and your so called motherland in the third world must make the reconciliation process a battle…….

Chei! This man men! Omo, this guy should leave me alone! All this grammar! I just mumbled something about the whole world being in trouble, and said I had to hurry up and get ready for an early morning class. After I dropped the phone, I swear I almost had to pour cold water on my head because it was sizzling!

Popsi men, the guy na one kin’ guy. When I wrote my personal essay for my master’s, I sent it out to him and my older siblings to edit. Meeeeen! If you see the way the baba scatter grammar for the thing eh? As in, I got his comments back and I was confused. The guy wanted to wound me with oyinbo o. I didn’t even bother trying to decipher what the hell he was trying to say in the e-mail men. That’s how I would have asked the baba and he would have given more machine gun fire. I just allow am men.

I think my popsi’s employees have suffered it the worst.

We used to have one driver like this, Mr. Sunday. Just remembering the dude is cracking me up. He was short and stocky, with a thick neck and a basketball head. Remember Giringori from new Masquerade??? The guy looked exactly like him. In fact, maybe na the guy sef.

As in, Mr. Sunday was a character. One day, he came to work, and he had apparently gotten into trouble for something. All I remember was my popsi shouting,

“Sunday, your impropriety and incivility have begun to reach insanely astronomical proportions! Your portfolio of misdeeds is ridiculously embarrassing and if you don’t make an effort to change, you’d end up like just another statistic in the number of employees physically assaulted by their employers. You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself, and this is the last admonishment you will ever get from me, you imbecile!”

My popsi went inside the house.

Omo! Mr. Sunday was dazed. The guy just sat on the pavement, staring into space for a minute. He now started scratching his head with both hands, then started rubbing it, and then finally burst into tears...…as in serious weeping o!

You had to see it to believe it. Our steward, Mr. Morris noticed Mr. Sunday bawling his eyes out and went to find out what was wrong with him. As in, the guy’s shoulders were heaving up and down, and he was mumbling something in Calabar, almost wailing o.

Mr.Morris: Sunday, wetin happen now?

Mr. Sunday looked up at his colleague.

“Ha! Morris! Oga don kill me o.”

Mr.Morris: How oga take kill you?

Mr. Sunday: You dey ask me question....aaaaah.... I say Oga don finish my life patapata. Chineke! My pikin dem go suffer o.....

Mr.Morris: Sunday, no dey cry now. You no know say you be big man? No cry. Wetin happen?

Mr.Sunday: Morris respect yasef o! Respect yasef! I dey tell you say I don die finish, you dey ask me tory. Eeeeeeeeeh! (loud weeping)


Mr.Morris: Sunday, I wan help you now! If you no talk, how person go take help you?

Mr.Sunday: Chinekemeee! Oga don sack me o! Oga don send me comot.

Mr.Morris looked at him in shock. “Sack ke? Wetin you do?”

Mr.Sunday: I no know o……haaaaa (Calabar mumbling)

Mr.Morris: So why oga go sack you? Wetin oga talk gan gan?

Mr.Sunday: Haaaa! Oga swear for my mama and papa o! E just dey fire the English one by one on top my head. Karatimbim, paratombom! Oga swear for me well well! I no hear one thing wey oga talk o! But the grammar wey im use, I no say this one na the battle to end all battles. Help me beg oga, abeg.

That’s how my popsi came back out, ready to leave for work. He saw Mr.Sunday crying on the ground.

“Sunday, are you alright?”

Mr. Sunday lay prostrate on the gravel. The crying now entered full gear.

“Aaaaaaaaaah! Oga abeeeeg sah! Eeeeeeh! Take me back Oga sah. I no go do bad again oga. My papa, God bless you sah. Eeeeeeeeh! I get four pikin….”

“My friend, get up and get in the car! What in the world do you mean ‘take you back’? Who fired you? What a twit!”

Mr.Sunday sprang up, a huge grin across his face. “Na God go bless you oga!”

The funny thing was that Mr. Sunday was actually a very brave guy. He wasn’t afraid to curse people out in front of my popsi o, and the dude had the filthiest mouth ever. He was a short little trouble maker.

I know I’m diverting away from the original topic, but let me yarn you about Mr. Sunday small. Kai, una sef like tory! Anyway, the guy used to harass people on the road all the time, and the guy’s catalogue of curse words was something else. The dude was hilarious.

If he saw a girl walking by in a miniskirt, he would say “See this yeye monkey! Na ashawo o! Na another woman husband she dey follow o!”

The guy would cuss anybody on the road. His usual weapon was the can of insecticide in the glove compartment. If he was cursing somebody out he would shout,

“Wait, wait. I go flit your face now. God punish you!” and would start fumbling around in the glove compartment.

I’ll never forget one incident one morning, on the way to school. Mr. Sunday was driving, I was sat at the back, my brother CM was in the passenger seat, and my cousin Teni was in the back as well. Apparently, some guy nearly hit Mr.Sunday's car. That’s how he started.

“Damboroba! Your mama go die! You dey crase, I know say no be ya fahicle sef! Your papa sef no buy bicycle. Sharrap!”

The other guy looked pissed! He signalled Mr. Sunday to park, so that they could fight, while as usual, Mr. Sunday started fiddling around for his insecticide.

“I go flit your face! Na me go marry ya wife today….come make I flit your face! Yeye man!”

The other guy was unfazed. He shouted at Mr. Sunday to follow him, so that they could park in a nice spot and fight. The guy’s eyes were red o!

The guy made a left, and Mr. Sunday followed him. We were egging him on as well, and he goes,

“Leave am, I go beat am ehn, im mama sef no go know am. Bastard man!”

When the guy wanted to make the next right, he pointed right and trafficated, well in advance. When Mr.Sunday made the right as well, the guy pumped his fist in the air outside his window, as if to say, “Yes! Come on!” The guy was up for it o.

Na so Mr. Sunday begin sweat. The guy in the other car slowed down and trafficated and pointed left. Mr. Sunday attempted to turn right, saying to us “No mind am. If no be say you go late for school eh, I for beat am well well.”

What?? There was no way we were going to let the guy off like that o. All of us just started shouting,

“Noooo!!!! Mr. Sunday follow him, follow him! So you can beat him up and teach him a lesson!”

The pressure was too much, and his pride was at stake. Mr. Sunday reluctantly followed the guy and parked behind him. He was sweating profusely now.

We were just cracking up at this point. The other guy was fuming!!! Kai, this guy was sure to brush Mr.Sunday's life!

The bobo jumped out of his car and bounded to Mr. Sunday.

“My mama? Heh, my mama?”

With one short quick move, the guy had jacked the short and stout Mr. Sunday, lifting him clean off the ground! Chei! Mr. Sunday was shaking like a leaf. I think the dude was even disappointed that Mr. Sunday was such a punk. He goes,“I go break your head today! My own mama?”

Silence.

"Hehn? My mama?"

We heard Mr.Sunday saying at the bottom of his voice, almost whispering,

“Gree me go, bros. Gree me go abeg.”

“Heh???”

“Gree me go, my senior bros. No disgrace me in front my pikins dem.... I just dey make mouth. My mouth too much....”

Oh My God, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life. The guy just dropped Mr. Sunday and spat at him as he walked to the car. When he got into the car, Mr.Sunday didn’t say anything for like 15 minutes. Then when the way don clear well well, he said,

“Na because of una I no beat that man o. Yeye man, im mama for no know am.”

That was Mr.Sunday for you o. Joker.

Anyway, sorry, back to Chief Fineboy. That’s how the man is always using grammar to scatter his employee’s heads o. Even we, his kids, used to be on the receiving end of his oyinbo assaults. We hated getting into trouble, ‘cos he would make you feel like an ass without even touching you.

I remember one time, I went to this party with my older brother and my friend Prettyboy. We didn’t tell anyone we were going out, and when we got home at about 1 am, Chief Fineboy was sitting in the ante-room by the front door, asleep on a sofa. Damn! He had clearly been waiting up for us. As soon as we walked in, he just looked at us, and said “You urchins finally arrive. Welcome home,” and went upstairs.

We were dumbfounded. Thank God! No yawa! My popsi was travelling to the South of France the next morning, and we were supposed to be joining him in two days. We used to go to Provence every Summer for a week before heading to London. Our family always stayed at this villa that belonged to Monsieur Perpignani, Chief Fineboy’s French friend and business partner.

The next morning, I went to say hello to my popsi. That’s how the guy just looked at me.

“Morning. You boys continually choose to act like buffoons. If you want to be buffoons, I will treat you as such. By the way, your France trip is cancelled.”

Yeeeeepa! Men I wan die o! Remember as a kid, all you lived for was your trips abroad during the holidays? Kai, I was gonna go back to school with the same bafs and shoes. That was the worst punishment ever. That was typical Chief Fineboy o. His weapon was always his mouth, and if I start giving you examples of some of his verbal assaults, we go dey here all day.

But I think his worst punishment ever was the 404 episode. Omo men, I’m getting teary-eyed just thinking about it. See, my late grandfather had a Peugeot 404. Before he died, he left it in his will for my popsi. You know those ooooooold 404’s with the diamond shaped headlights? Like 1950 something!!!!!Well, Chief Fineboy loved his popsi to death and was so proud of the fact that his father had left him the car. It was parked in a garage at the house for ages, until one yeye driver that we had, Baba Ala, had a bright idea.

“Eskis sa! That 404 is still very good o! Ejo sah, please give me the car. It’s in very good condition.”

I think my popsi just thought about it, and said….hmm…if the car still ran well, it would be an honour to his father if he actually made use of it instead of just leaving it parked there.

Kai! One day, I was leaving school with Prettyboy (he was coming to my house), when I spotted the car. Hehn!!! It couldn’t be that 404 o! Everybody was walking out of school, and that bastard driver, Baba Ala, had gone and parked the 404 between a C-class benz and a lexus. This couldn’t be happening! Jesus Christ! I was so bloody embarrassed, I just walked past the car. That’s how the guy started shouting o…

“FIIIIIIIIINEBOY!!!!!! Wa o! Je ka ma lo le!!” (Come here, let’s go home!)

Bloody hell! EVERYBODY turned to stare at me and that morrafucka Prettyboy just disappeared into the crowd like he didn’t know me o. Men! I got into the pangolo car, and I think I died. The seats were even high again, so everybody would see you as you rode around in it. All the babes were cracking up, and my rep suffered a devastating blow that day.....chei!

Needless to say I never lived that one down, and I never forgave my popsi. He even tried to give me one yeye explanation.

“When one’s parents bequeath something of such enormous emotional significance, it’s only right to appreciate it and utilise the gift. I hope you shall do the same when I leave the 404 to you, son.”

Yeah right.

Anyhow, let me run….more sweet tonic coming soon for y’all! By the way, Finebabe I’m missing u o….I know you’re “reading”. Get it?

140 comments:

azuka said...

Your Dad is a REEEEEAAAAL character!

Naija Jinx said...

I have not finished reading your post but I am laughing with wanton abandonment and tearing up. I pray I don't wake my neighbors!! Kuddos to your dad and your fabulous writing.
Oh Lord, wow, I'm going back to read some more.

obinwanne said...

HAHAHAHA! your writting is good, but all kudos goes to your father... i wish i still have one....

Naija Jinx said...

LOL, O my goodness, I have to hold my pee!! This was great. I wonder why I hadn't come across your blog before. Nways, Can I add your link to my blog? Its kind of on the low key but I like your writing.

Naijadude said...

Omg! Dude, I couldnt finish the blog ooh, but Mr. Sunday story got me laughing I was rolling on the floor...

Nice one u get there, I no wan come ur house as a friend and wan come dey do my signature oyinbo, ur papa go finish person throw am away ooh...LOL

Simply Gorgeous said...

Mr. Fine Boy I wonder if this be the same Sunday that came to my house? This my Sunday looked like he was chewed and attacked by a lion. This is how this crazy man would show up for work , we even gave him a uniform, every day drunk with his clothes done scatter, scatter. The funny part is he was supposed to be security.

LOL.Your papa done match that man in "DOLLAR". Please go and watch that naija film it will leave you in stitches.

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Eyaaaaaaaaaaa! Poor Mr. Sunday. Fine boi, u're crazy o, making me laugh to the extent that i'm teary eyed. U'll pay for this walahi talahi. So when popsy wills the 404 to u, make sure u take good care of it o. Na A-Hall or ISL u go?

oo said...

"i go flit ya face."

That's it, I'm officially dead. Killed by laughter on fineboy's blog. This was a good life and a bloody good laugh to end it all.

:D

-oo

Waffarian said...

"Gree me go, bros. Gree me go abeg.”

heheheheheheheh! this pidgin na helele!

bibi said...

bwhahha i am finished... u wont kill me sha..lol nice post again..hilarious...gree me go bros..lmaooooooooooo idiot mr sunday.. lol at the 404...trust me and my brodas we would use that car as efizzi i swear..look for a way to tush the ride up..

adumaadan - Blacktinkerbell said...

you this man, you haven't put up that warning I suggested. I still can't get over the way you describe characters and events, absolutely fantastic. I think I'm in love with your Dad. All that grammar for early morning.

chidi said...

your dad actually reminds me of mine. Mine gets upset wit me cos im not interested in the naija politics thing, & i dnt read newspapers. Cos of this, wen his passing by and im near, i immediately change the channel from MTV to BBC & i drop the OK mag im reading and pick up a boring newspaper till he is out of my way

Chameleon said...

lol... this was just too maaad...
i luv ur dad. what a character!!
and mr sunday with his 'flit'.LMAO

Mr.Fineboy said...

@azuka, naija jinx, naijadude and obi-thanx 4 comin' thru!
@simplyg...lol, na the same guy!
@Cherub-none of the above
@oo-no die o!Life sweet!
@waffy-lol, if u hear the guy's voice you'll die of laughter!
@bibi-lol, thanks hun
@aduumadun..i should innit?
@chide, my friend go and read ur book!
@chameleon, thanx hun. Update!!!

bimbylads said...

Fineboy.. ur nuts.. nuts nuts.. lol. cant stop laughing.. u soo brighten my day with ur posts..!!

hmm.. who is finebabe?? im going to prowl blogNville looking for fine babe.. loll!! see me o.. amebo like me...

LOL especially @ the 404 story.. i had a similar incident... imagine.. AND i attended VF- !!.. and na my mumsy that came to pick me.. shouting my name.. i no fit disown my mumsy!!

classic!! well done!

exschoolnerd said...

ur dad reminds me of mine....


this had me cracking up...

“Wait, wait. I go flit your face now. God punish you!” and would start fumbling around in the glove compartment.

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!! My laptop almost fell off my lap! The funniest is the 404 episode in school!!!

This was hilarious!!!

LOL @ "Eskis sa"! LOL!!

Too funny!

Enjoy the rest of your week o!

Anonymous said...

this is ur finebabe oh.... wasup my love, am feeling u. ur dad is indeed a jester, bring up more abeg, make i laff jare.. ma gbadun

Mr.Fineboy said...

LOL, thanx londonbuki! HAHA@ anonymous! You're NOT Finebabe!!! Joker! Thanks 4 stopping by.

uknaija said...

Just stumbled on your blog and kept laughing... I get one uncle wey dey yarn like your popsie o! And Mr Sunday-just priceless

Senorita said...

Fineboy I think you need to get your head checked o. You are freaking hilarious. I am dying at work everyone thinks I am high on something cos its only 8am here and I am laughing like some crazy girl o.

Yosh said...

"...something of such enormous emotional significance..."

Hahahahahaha! Did you listen to that with a straight face?

Some children do have them! :)

Prettyboy said...

Kai!! I done laugh tire dis guy.. I remember that day when your popsi's 404 came to pick you at school...HAHAHAHA!!!...men i had to miss.. couldn't be caught dead in that car..lol.. your tory sweet oh!..

Mr.Fineboy said...

@Senorita, thanx 4 stopping by beautiful!
@UKNiaja...thanx 4 comin' thru!@Yosh,some kids do have 'em 4 real!
@Prettyboy, you bastard! When I get my Ferrari I'll jabo ur ass! LOL

teekay said...

why is his choice of weapon a flit....that mr sunday sef....hilarious man. Aww so ur doing shout out to Ms. finebabe now...arent u a sweetie.. But for real, dude i dont think i can take u seriously anymore, ur a freakin nutter, i tell ya

cool muthafucka said...

hahahahaha
Help! im dying of laughter here!

Wait let's recover 1st before you put more abeg...kent take it no more LOL!

Ubong Da said...

This is hilarious.

Bluntremi said...

Well needless to say, you didnt fall far from the tree, did you??? Chief Fineboy sounds like a great dad!!

Your life sounds so eventful. Treasure those memories and the fact that you get along so well with your dad.

Another great post!!

I laughed so hard again, I was crying! Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

na wa o. I have to be nosey Mr Fineboy get Ms Finebabe how nice and sweet. O boy this blog is crazy men I cant eat before I start to read your tory because the food just go come out o.

Jack Bloggs said...

Hey mr.fine boy, I finally thought of a name. "Jack Bloggs" as you can see. So start checking my blogs. Meanwhile your story of Mr. Sunday reminds me of one driver we had in Naij, The guy turned up to work one early Mo Mo drunk, then he passed out on the drive way infront of the house. kai - some of these guys are characters!

The rest of you guys check out my blogs - "Being Jack Bloggs".

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

my goodness, your father is definately a man endowed with words, goodness me, I am at work and I am laughing beyound restraints. Your dad reminds me of my dad, as in my sisters have actually picked that habit up and I dont find it amusing speaking to my baby sister who forces me to think deeply everytime we speak.

And the storires, woow, it appears that you are a magnet for jokes...LOL. great post as usual.

BabsBETA said...

chei! Please stop all this your humorous posts o! i almost choked on my meal while reading this.

who be finegurl?

law_damsel said...

lollllllllllllllll..d shout out 2 finebabe is sweet..pls ill flow very well wiv ur popsie..i like grammar n intellectuals!!!

Mr.Fineboy said...

LOL@Bimby! I say na the same parents born us!
@ubong, jack bloggs &stranger...thanx 4 comin thru
@babsbeta, finebabe is my favorite girl!thanx 4 the comment.
@lawdamsel, that man is dangerous o! R u sure u can handle the guy?
Thanx y'all!

Noni Moss said...

ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOOO!!! 3 times i cracked up at work - my manager has been giving me odd looks.

Your dad is too cool and Mr Sunday was mad funny. Lolll @ the 404 story. What school did you go to?

olat said...

“Damboroba! Your mama go die! You dey crase, I know say no be ya fahicle sef! Your papa sef no buy bicycle. Sharrap!”

“I go flit your face! Na me go marry ya wife today….come make I flit your face! Yeye man!”

This hard me LMAO...Mr Sunday is a driver too...he wants to marry the other guys wife....what does the flitting of the face does :-))...good write up

Anonymous said...

LOLOL... we need to start a campaign for a TV Series! Chief Fineboy, Mr Sunday and his Flit! HILARIOUS.

“I go flit your face! Na me go marry ya wife today….come make I flit your face! Yeye man!”

Classic!

Anonymous said...

Okayy I was cracking up at work pls dont let them fire me o and again the fine babe u were talking about at the end of the story was harassing me to leave a comment so here u go keep the post coming fine boy. But im jealous ok im kidding how sweet pls can somebody call me fine babe too shuu

BrightEyed Chick said...

Oh my gosh you are so funny...I'm here laughing my head off at work...you're a GREAT writer...you should write material for shows or what not...

Cheetarah said...

OMG ur dad is related to mine!Lol!I tot only one person in the world was like this but apparently baba cheetarah has a brother!Have to send my bro the link to ur blog he'll die when he reads it,Lol!
Nice post!

Blessed Child said...

Thank God I was at home when I read this...I had a good laff.Poor Mr Sunday...lol...But upon all him mouth,he no even get aroma!!

I love the sound of ur dad man!!All that grammar,AWESOME!!

U've got a great blog here,going back to read the rest of ur posts.Thanks for swinging by my blog...God bless!!

Calabar Gal said...

Nicce and hilarious post - r u sure it was calabar mr sunday was mumbling? (smile)

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx 4 stopping by y'all!
@Calabar girl (smile) I think so. Don't get it twisted, I love my Calabar peeps o!(Including Mr. Sunday) Thanx 4 stopping by hun!

FIFI said...

oh my dayzzzz...this guy is hilarious...waaaaa!!!THIS IS TOOO BONZ!!!

Anonymous said...

MORE LIES,SO U REMEMBER WORD FOR WORD WHAT YOUR DAD TOLD MR.SUNDAY RIGHT?
OH PLEASE SPARE US.YOU MADE THAT BIT UP.
and story story,u want us to know u were born abroad abi?okayyy,we know now,are you happy?
u just had to add south of france abi?
okayyy..ur papa get small coins.

and u seem to be really INSPIRED BY THAT DUMB BITCH KINKYLADS BLOG.
SO BOTH YOUR FOLKS PUNISED YOU BY CANCELLING PLANNED TRIPS?
and u BOTH juat happened to blog about it at the same time?

OKAY FINE BOY,WE KNOW U ARE FUNNY,U WRITE FANTASTICALLY.BUT PLEASE DONT STRETCH IT.

Anonymous said...

ha'an na wa o...all this hating is it neccessary....so he mentioned it but we're all grown up ignore it n dont make a big deal about n stop cursin out people, it's not nice...Dude's funny no doubt so pls let's continue to just enjoy his stories....because i know d thing with u nigerians now, it wud turn in2 some kinda battle n d essence of d blog wud be lost..

Kpakpando said...

eskis sah? lmaoooo OMG that's freaking hilarious. I think many of our dads tried to finish us with grammar sha.

I can see ogbanje anonymous has come here too, nna na u biko, You're officially a STAR.

Anonymous said...

OH God. These annoying anonymous haters have found this blog too. I beg get comment moderation. They are like zombie flesh eaters. they never die.If you see the circus they created on other blogs. I would really hate for that to happen here.

Your dad is too funny.Your narrative skills are on point. Nice blog

Onada said...

lol!!! hhahaha i would love to meet your dad! i dont remember the last time i heard the word buffoon!

Artist said...

This is for anonymous @16:46. Please be a mature adult. First of all if you are not a chicken you will put your "real name' and not be anonymous But you cant do that because your glory comes from hiding behind covers. Its obvious you are just a HATER. Shey your papa no get small coins ni or you were not fortunate to be born outside Nigeria. Its all good dont hate.Also find something to do with your time that reading others peoples blog and just being a plain hater.

Artist said...

Mr.Fineboy pls ignore the comment @16:46 as you know the person is just a jobless hater. Its a shame thats why some Nigerians cannot progress cos they just hate on a fellow brotha. I love your blogs by the way very hilarious and you have some mad writing skills men. Abeg more tonic

Anonymous said...

Abeg that stupid anon commenter should comot!!!! We dont want u fucktards here...Fineboi im sorry i had to swear but....this anon commenter is becoming an official blog terrorist, spreading like a bad rash. Keep doing ur thing Mr F.B.

cool muthafucka said...

@ Anonymous fool
Na our fault say you dey soak gari for breakfast? Pls get over it abeg.

I dont see anything so far fetched about his yarns...many people have popsies like that and crazy drivers like mr sunday...lol im laughing just thinking about the clown hehe

londonnaijachic said...

Mr fineboy, u are a clown!Mr sunday is acharacter and your dad is the bomb.All this big grammar can do wonders to your brain if you try to understand or know the meaning.
As for the anonymous who doesn't have better things to do than to scrutinize people's posts word for word, pls get yourself a life

Mr fineboy, enable comment moderation and keep doing your thing

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx 4 the love y'all!
I appreciate u comin' thru, anon,kpakpando (lol@ogbanje!),anon(1739),Onada (*wink*-you're gorgeous!),artist, anon 0020, coolmutha & londonnaijachic. Thanx 4 the support!!! anonymous 1646, the blogville watchdog, na wa for u o!!LOL @ people enjoying tonic, then criticising it!

I'm sure you're pretty intelligent-you can't tell a story and recall conversations?? When autobiographies are made, are the recollected conversations published word for word? Seriously! And don't get it twisted, my papa get BIG COINS!! I love u tho...more tonic coming soon guys...

Anonymous said...

@ annonymous 16:46

Lol, how jealous and SAD do you sound! So what if he and bimbylads posted slightly similar stories at the same time? Congratulations; you just uncovered some kind of blog conspiracy!! Hiss!

This is all good natured but if you dont like their blogs then stay away.No one is interested in the rubbish you have to say.

bimbylads said...

lol @ anonymous that called me dumb, kinkylads!!..Now,there's a thought.. i just might change my name to kinkylads.. anoda 1 is a counterfeit!!

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!

newsflash anonymous: fineboy and I met on sunday night, and wrote our blog together, posted it together, then started to sit and wait for u to begin ur prowl.... .. OYA DIE!

better take time before i FLIT ur ugly anoymous face..

jasmine said...

@bimbylads, hahaha....love d response...very cavalier....u really just couldnt care less...

Vickii said...

Lollll ... I've started reading your posts really slowly so that I don't come to the end too quickly because they're just that funny! Think this one's my favourite ever!

Your dad sounds great! I like to think of myself as someone who has been grammatically blessed, but your dad must have used about 20 words I have never heard of in my entire life, much less poor Mr. Sunday, lol, I would have cried too!

aperson said...

loll@ bimbylads response.. this gurl ur such a trip.. loll..

Anonymous said...

@MR.FINEBOY,U SOUND LIKE SUCH AN IDIOT.im sure u still suckle your mummys breasts.
"MY PAPA GET BIG COINS"
as they say,its those that dont have that NEED to shout about it.

so what are you going to tell us about next?

your family vacay to a secluded island,where you lazed around in your "RICH" daddys villa all day and you had your yatch docked during the day and it was a party filled with all other "RICH" people like u at night??
huhn?

i guess your daddys OGA,mr french man,wont allow you guys to stay in the main house because of course he knows that you are all just a bunch of freeloaders.
if your papa get BIG COINS,howsabout BUYING YOUR OWN PLACE IN FRANCE??WHY DO U HAVE TO LENGE ON ANOTHER MANS PROPERTY?

BELIEVE ME DAHLING,THE REAL BIG BOYS HAVE THEIRS,THEY DONT PLAY WITH OTHER PEOPLES TOYS.

BUNCH OF LOSERS.

KINKYLAD...HA HA U REALLY BELIEVE YOUR OWN HYPE YOU KNOW.

NIGERIA POLITRICKS said...

“I go flit your face! Na me go marry ya wife today….come make I flit your face! Yeye man!”

I wonder why I had never done this to some pig faced haters. Now, I go go get me Sheltox and morrofuckers wen yarn rubbish, "I go flit ya face!"

This shyt is hillarious!

hanan said...

@anonymous....pls n pls just let it go, it's not worth it....let's jus enjoy d stories, it doesnt matter whether they r fabricated or not, they still make an interesting read....his blog is really funny u have 2 admit n it's jus nice 2 have a laugh some time....let's all jus have positive comments n even if ur goin to be negative, try n consider people's feelings cos u know it never feels good when ur on d receiving end of insults..

Anonymous said...

@HANAN.okay i will behave myself.since YOU ARE THE ONLY MATURE PERSON HERE.AND NOT AN ASS LICKER LIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW.
so i will not cause trouble anymore by exposing RICHIE RICH WANNABE.

Chameleon said...

these anons, why dont you go an start your own blog, write your own posts and comment on your on bloddy posts instead of travelling around blogville spewing random hate and senile comments.

so what if he loans someone house? if you had any sense you would know that these houses cost a lot of money to maintain and when its not being used, its being rented out. same thing with yatchs. everyone does it, even tony blair stays in cliff richard's barbados home. even Paul Allen rents out his yatch when he's not in St Tropez. It just makes sense- unlike you!

yeh yeh, i know you'd want to start on me with your back street, market woman type of insults but whatever you say back, i dont give a shit!

get a life and stop being such a loser.

Anonymous said...

thank you o jare chameleon.

this anon is just a fool.

his whole family are fools

in fact, his future children and their own children will all be born as fools.

amen

Anonymous said...

u this stupid anon...the funny thing is i can sense the hate in ur comments...are u sad, are u retarded, are ur mum and dad ass lickers like u call ppl....if not why are u making this ur day job going to ppls blogs and cursing out their parents....u need to go and die somewhere...ur freaking life is a JOKE....common do us a favour and murd off.

Anonymous said...

@ anonymous 16:46 and like 5 times since then

Oh my goodness, do you fricking live here or something? Why dont you crawl back under your rock. And FYI, you are pretty childish if you need to be asked by a random person to 'let it go'. Common sense should have told you that. Now stop embarassing yourself.

Blog Stalker said...

Mr Fineboy the jocularity of this grossly preposterous weblogazine is cascading into a crescendo resulting in my mandibular and maxillary structures catapulting my ...............phew!!!!I had to stop to take a deep breath!!!

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx 4 stopping by y'all!
@bimby, jasmine, vicky (LOL..the man is no joke!)
@nige politricks,hanan and all my sensible anons!
Chameleon, I appreciate the love..but why even bother? Seriously. Hate is a cancer o! Chai! HAHAHA!
@Blog stalker, hahaha...u don match Chief Fineboy o!

cool muthafucka said...

Hahaha as if mr sunday wasn't enough....your comments are equally as hilarious!

Dont mind the razz goat jare, we suppose gather flit the fool.

Kpakpando said...

bia ogbanje anon, can u give urself a nickname? I quite enjoy the diarrhea that runs from your fingertips, always "exposing" people and stuvs. U work for city people abi? Shebi you're being paid to be blogville al-qaeda? Anuofia, you won't go and get laid? Some solid kpanshing will release some of that tension, nama

Anonymous said...

Hahaha... This is just TOO funny. Can't wait for the next blog and the next round of comments! As for Sir/Mme. Anon, the one with a sore itch in the crutch... go gather stones or something its therapeutic.

Anonymous said...

U PPL ARE FREAKING HILARIOUS...@ Cool mofo.."we suppose gather flit anon" thats just too funny

@kpakpando....real "shit" comimg out from the stupid anon culprits fingertips.

Dimples said...

LOL..this is just too funny...We definately had a Mr Sunday or 2 in my house whilst growing up...loving your blog by the way.

Bimby Lads how far now???Have u figured out who this dude is??...me i'm stil @ those suggestions I dropped the other day...

Kai!!! these freaking anonymous bloggers have reached here again???Una no get work ni???

ribadu said...

Anonymous why be a hater? Does YOUR own dad have a house in France? I sure se your papa no buy bicycle sef!!! LMAO! Idiot! FB, carry go jare!

Jack Bloggs said...

When Bimbylads prayed for me and said Anonymous would not find me i was a bit confused!

But on a serious note people like Anonymous are needed to keep stuff alive. So maybe he should continue causing controversy. Mr. Fine Boi, its because you are talented thats why he is picking on you.

Keep it up!

bimbylads said...

HA HA ....COMMENT MODERATION ENABLED!!! ........

( sticking out my tongue to the foolish annoying conconbility of an anonymous agent!)


OK.. IM GOING HOME NOW!

BOBBY said...

Your popsie ehhh...kai...laff wan kill me...

You are too funny...too madd!!!! ahhn ahhnnnn!!!

JJ said...

Hilarity at its best!!! You know we also had a driver named Sunday back in the day and we had a washman called Friday and we'd call him Baba Friday, hehe. I've always wondered why naijas name their kids days of the week...

Maiden Voyage said...

As a first time reader of your blog, I think you've just gotten yourself another fan. Your story is just too funny. Your Dad sounds like a man who doesn't suffer fools gladly. Reminds me of my Pop, except mine threw in the occasional slap when he reached his threshold. Mr. Sunday on the other hand is an absolute joker - a character to say the least. LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...

Mr. Fineboy, love your blog. I'm always checking back for a good laugh like an addict on crack. Very well written and humorous. "Eskis sah" just totally killed me.

Although, I like your blog, I must say I also enjoy "ogbanje anonymous'" comments, makes the blog even funnier, so I guess you both continue doing your thing. But Ogbanje that comment about "suckling mother's breasts" WTF, that was rather lame.

Everyone else let's be real... Ogbanje is just vocalizing the thoughts the rest of us have that we push to the back of our minds.

But great job, Mr. Fineboy keep it up and abeg post more often oh! I need my crack!

Senorita said...

Mr. Fineboy dont let the comment bother you. Your writing skills are awesome he or she is probably just plain jealous. Please its time to update "Abeni" needs a good laugh o.

Anonymous said...

Ohh my god...you brought back soo many memories of Lagos..I be oyebo for Nijja, but damnn I miss that place!!! You are hilarious...

phazzzed... said...

absolutely hilarious!!! love ur dad, love mr sunday and his can of flit even more!!! and d 404?!?!? help! i had my mum want to hand down the vw beetle my dad bought for her to me wen i was goin to uni. she was gonna paint it pink with red hearts and call it the luvbug!!! so my dia, i kno where u de come from! peace out!

Mr.Fineboy said...

thanx 4 stopping by y'all! LOL@anonymous (oyebo for Naija)! I trip, I trip! More Tonic coming soon!

Daddy's Girl said...

Whoa, can't believe I slacked so much that I all missed all this drama... anyway na so e day happen sometimes.
Great post Fineboy, your blog is hilarious (you obviously inherited the funniness from Dad) and you write so well... Keep doing what you do - we're loving it!!

omohemi Benson said...

From Mr. Sunday to Ekisa,the 404,episode.
This is blazing funny.
Boy! you kil me.

I love your dad.
You never know you might just end up like him.

2ndCorin5:17 said...

Your blog is TWOOOO funny! And the comments are soo dramatic! Lol. Keep up the good work son

LittleGirlLost said...

You had me in stitches.
I think I like your Dad.

Naijadiva said...

U r teeeeeew funny!!! Keep it coming!!!

law_damsel said...

trust me.. ill charm popsie wiv my naivety.lollllll

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx 4 the love
@daddy's gril, omohemi benson,littlegirllost,naijadiva and law_damsel! I think Chief fineboy is the star of the show at the moment! I have to bring you more of the guy's tories then!

Neo-Soul said...

Man! I can't stop laughing. and I'm in public laughing in tears!!! Mr. Sunday is a trip man ... and your dad kai.... lol this blog was my comic relief for the afternoon. lol

Anonymous said...

DUDEm the length of your posts intimidated me in the past, so i never actually read. But i decided to do so today, and I'm sooo glad i did. Dang you are HILARIOUS!!!!!!! I was in tears reading about Mr. Sunday and your pops. LOL

Anonymous said...

phew! glad you didnt block anon comments altogether.
Love your blog!
Cheers!

chicala said...

men that was hillarious, had to read ur other posts, sooooo funny.

loves it....... cant wait for ur next post oh fineboy, keep it comin.

Bella Naija said...

LMAO!
hhahhaah
please u and Bimbylads will not let them fire me from work....when I am laughting out LOAD!

LUV IT!

Nigerian said...

Wow blog + comments = absolutely fantastic read!

I Love your stlye, pls dont let silly anons get to u...as u said hate is a cancer!

As for your Dad... in a way he sounds like mine....for a minute i was scared that my pop might have a love child out there or another family ;o) As grandad also had one of those cars.....spooky.

Love ur blog...look forward to hearing more about the Fine Family.

LADYNJANY said...

Kai I remember all those vacations spent in the villa, The Villa in Otukpo, Benue State. Definitely something I always looked forward to as a child. Love your story. Found myself acting it out. I‘m surprised at how much broken English I can blow. I miss Naija.

~Mimi~ said...

that was hilarious!! that ur story about ur driver just cracked me straight up and reminded me of the drivers back then in naig....mehn why do drivers have to be comical characters???????
welcome to blogville and u sure hit it with a big bang!! i'm sort of a newbie 2.

Anthony Arojojoye said...

98 responses! Holy Cow!
ROTFLMAO!
Wallahi your popsie is very funny.
Reminds me of my pa. He can give you A WORD of advise from morning till sundown. We kids used to call ourselves Efrebor dat time.

chainreader said...

Too funny. You've bagged yourself another fan.

Oh, and i see the plague of the anonys made it here before me! They are everywhere!!!

miss K said...

Fineboy u are killing me with laughter.. are u on a "smallworld?..

Pissed off in blogsville said...

What's wrong with you Mr Fineboy? Update, update, update. You are the reason I spend yonks in blogsville.

You are the reason, my Man has left, as I ceased to pay attention, due to reading your blog.

My dogs and cats are unfed (dont tell animal rights so and so)
Are you feeling guilty yet?
You owe me big time...Mr Fineboy

You come, tantalise, then disappear for days. I am suffering from withdrawal syndrome.

yankeenaijachick said...

@fine boy.................that was hilarious. Reminds me of my father, gosh the guy uses big grammer too. Anyways, mr sunday storie made me laugh. Our driver back at home was similar to sunday.He loved fighting on the road. Damn!! good job fine boy.

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx 4 comin' thru guys! I really apppreciate the comments! Isn't it amazing how alike a lot Nige popsi's are?
LOL @ pissed off....I promise...I'll put something up shortly...been a bit busy! Thanx again!

Anonymous said...

hey boo boo....I think i have a crush on you....trust that i am a VERY fine girl to....

Anonymous said...

OMG! HILARIOUS!!! Im officially addicted to ur blog!! lol...ur popsi sounds sooo much like mine! You ask him is if you can have money and the dude goes into a whole explanation of the history of money all the way down to Bill Gates and Warren Buffet!! LOL! kudos!!

hanan said...

hmmmn mr fine boy!!!!since tuesday now....u shud update d blog...let's have something else 2 laugh about...will be waiting...

Anonymous said...

Mr Fineboy,This is 'Ngo' showing loads of love all the way from 'N' town LOL...Keep writing cos we are all enjoying it..I miss u o..

FIFI said...

ah ahh this GUY i dey vex ohhh!!! WE WANT MORE!!!

LondonBuki said...

FINE BOY!!!! LOL!!!

What an appropriate name for you now that I know who you are!

You were with a trolley and your family(?)!

I didn't know you were this HILARIOUS!!! I love it!

Take care of yourself!

Toni Payne said...

lmao o.. im laughing so hard right now tears are flowing freely. This guy, you are HILARIOUS! Mr Sunday sounds like loads of fun. I will "Flit" your face. gosh! my lordy.. mo le rerin mo o.. my tummy hurts

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx 4 comin thru toni, londonbuki, hanan, anonymous x 3! LOL, toni, small small o!
Fifi and hanan, no vex now...abeg...i get essays!

chika said...

First time on your blog and its so funny!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

oh my! The last time I laughed like this was when I watched Dave Chapelle perform live. I was pregnant at the time and thought I would deliver on the spot. Just had the same experience. My hubby walked in to make sure I wasn't about to go into labor! Will continue to check out your stories. What hilarity!

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

115 comments!!!!!!!!!!!! i don late finish. but ur dad is something else though!!!! Lol at all the comments.

wienna said...

Updates plsssssssssss.....i dey suffer na.

Chude! said...

lol @ "I go flit your face! Na me go marry ya wife today". The stereotypical Lagos driver ... how come they are always the same way?? And how come you remember so sharply!

The post was long sha so I just pecked at bits and pieces, uncannily like baba alaye, but the parts i read had me in stitches!!

Well done. Oh by the way, since the last time I checked I was still a journalist, I have given myself the mission to uncover your identity. I gave baba alaye a break to enjoy his honeymoon; so I have all the time to concentrate on outing you!!

Cheers man.

Nigerian said...

Funny you should say that Chude! i thot exactly the same thing....he is reminiscent of Baba Alaye!!!

Whoever you are, you are one hell of a story-teller and i'm hooked!

bhookey84 said...

dang 122 comments, fine boy u wat me to fail abi, chaiiiiiiiiiii lol lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo this was too much dude, ure a comedian meh ,arghhh ur posp sound slike my pops mehn, be blowing grammar for me , lol dude ure a mighty trip mehn heheheheeheheheh

Nene said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhaaa

Anonymous said...

Dude,
Abeg go find another job comot for grad school abeg!

U are officially the funniest thing since Richard Pryor what!!

Mr sunday and your pops should get their own comedy show for real.
I have encountered some funny drivers while visiting naija but Mr sunday deserves an award.

Ur pop is just like another dad grwing up in the 90s, they are quick to take summer trips abroad cause that will hurt the most.
You are a funny cat!!
Ever consider a side hustle in comedy. U never know.

Idemili said...

Hahahahaah! So friggin' hilarious! Thank you! Thank you so much for this.

frankie said...

OMG i think i almost just died laughing, lol lol, u r too funny, and ur dads a real character too, lol

libraj said...

your dad gotta be Wole Soyinka there cant possibly be more than one person that speaks english like that......

The Blahnik Diva said...

you are funny as heck!!! LMFAO!! i will add you to my blogroll when i figure out how!!!

mimi said...

goodness gracious, i had to hold my tummy, ur dad is priceless mehn, so much grammar, and as for mr sunday..grrr

arike said...

LMAO!! Your dad has me scratching my own head...he's too funny. Mr Sunday is a character and I can imagine just how embarrassed you were during the Peugeot 404 incident. My favorite part was when your friend disappeared...classic. Keep up the fabulous writing. If you ever decide to write a book, I'd buy it without a second thought because I know it'll be a marvelous, hilariously rib-cracking funny read. Kudos!

Mr.Fineboy said...

thanx you guys! arike, ur a sweetheart..thanx!

luciouslucy said...

mhen this is hilarious..ur popsy funny o

Anonymous said...

please submit this to the nigeria bloggers book, its extremely relatable

http://laspapi.blogspot.com/2007/05/naija-bloggers-book-this-is-call-to-all.html

Gift said...

alright b i know this post isn't new but i am to ur blog.. really funny.. and to ur anonymous hater.. aye yo fine boy he/she keeps coming back to see what you have to say so u must be doing something right, right? yeah u are..

Bub├ętos said...

i know this is like almost a year late but just going thru your past blogs.i'm new to blogville. you are so funny. lol @ kpakpando (Ogbanje anon). gaddam, it all adds up to the experience sha. lol @ bimbyladz you are just cool, gurl.

Anonymous said...

MR. Fineboy, you are killin me now!!I'm a Ghanababe but your stories remind me of home!!I'm getting hooked to your blog..and you're funny+smart..killa combination..;-)..loool

RomanticVoice said...

Fineboyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I am the new FINEBABE....THE OLD FINEBABE SHOULD MOVE ABEG HER TIME DON S-PAYA*CHUCKLES*Omo, you are somethingelseeeeeeeeeeee hahahaha ! sup??????????????????

Anonymous said...

mehn....Fineboy you are the real thing. Your blog is on point. It's 12:48am and I'm still reading this and cracking up...oh well, too bad for my roomates..

Jeez!!!I thought I knew all the Nigerian blog website...why did I just discover you.? Kudos to Bella...I read your post there and couldn't help but make up my mind to stalk you for the rest of your life...lol...

ScorpiT said...

Lol this is so hilarious. havent finished reading yet but have been squealing with so much laughter my eyes began to water. My Indian boss would have thrown me outta the Office I just had to put a pause on it till he left my side. The 404 is a strong car now drive it or give me to help you drive. The Mr Sunday part had my colleagues jealous of what was causing it. good work

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