Wednesday, March 28, 2007

My man Fridayscoco....

Thank God I got some work done yesterday. I ended up having a couple of drinks with the guys on monday night and left early. To be honest, I think everybody’s a bit stressed out at the moment, so there really wasn’t any madness, ope o! I might be hitting the library this morning, but I need to type up a letter quickly.

It’s a letter of invitation for my guy Fridayscoco to come and visit. You guys might remember me mentioning him in ‘Friends like these…”

I know what you’re thinking. No, Fridayscoco is not a common houseboy o. The guy is my main man! In fact last December, he was known as my Personal assistant. Na the guy even give himself the name.

I met Fridayscoco through my longtime homeboy and former flatmate Akinzo. Akinzo moved back from NY a couple of years ago, and lives down the road from me in Nige as well. Fridayscoco used to be a pump attendant at a petrol station that Akinzo frequented, and Akinzo just liked the dude. When Fridayscoco lost that job, he needed a new one and a place to stay, so Akinzo said he could stay in his BQ. They already had a housegirl, so the dude pretty much just helps in any way he can, mostly by running errands and stuff.

My first day in Lagos, I walked across to Akinzo’s house, and Fridayscoco opened the gate. The guy damned near hugged me o!

“Bros Fineboy! I don dey wait you bros!”

Ah ah. Where do I know this joker from? I realised then he must have been Fridayscoco ‘cos he sometimes picked up the phone when I called Akinzo from London. Apparently he recognized me from some of Akinzo’s pictures.

Later on, Akinzo and I were catching up in the living room, when Fridayscoco walked in.

“Bros, na me go dey drive you for this Lagos o!”

“What makes you think I can’t drive in Lagos?”

“Ha! Nooo bros, this lagos driving na kolo driving o!”

His mind was made up. Me sef I just gbadun the guy so I agreed to let him drive me once. Akinzo said he was a good driver, so I wasn’t too worried. Later that afternoon, he took me to see a couple of people, and he was just cracking me up, asking all kinds of strange questions.

“Bros FB, shey na true say for Yankee, you and bros Akinzo just dey organize all those American girls like water?”

And he always started laughing excitedly when I confirmed Akinzo’s stories.

“HAAAA! Bros mi, u mean am?? Chei!”

I ended up getting attached to Fridayscoco o. The next morning, I came downstairs and Mr. Morris told me that one of my friends was waiting for me. At 10 am? Fridayscoco was just chilling downstairs o. He had told the gateman that he was my PA, and he was reporting for duty. The guy had showered and everything o, ready for the day.

“Ah ah. Fridayscoco. How far?”

“Bros I dey. I don ready o. Anywhere you dey go, na me and you. No shaking. Make I go wash the car?”

This guy was serious o. He ended up driving me that day, and before you knew it, the dude was with me 24/7. The drivers at my house ended up hating the guy, because apparently ‘the bobo too dey demo!’ When he wasn’t driving, he was busy marvelling at my friends. One night, after I had walked a couple of guests to the gate, he goes,

“Bros mi, these your Yankee friends na wa o. I no go lie you, mammy water go dey among them.”

“What? Mammy water ke?”

“No vex bros Fineboy. But that yellow one wey just comot, she fit be mammy water.”

I laughed. “Why?

“You no see as all of them fresh, fine well well, come dey laugh ‘rererere?’ I never see woman like these ones o. They fine no be small.”

“I can hook you up o.”

“Me? God forbid. Me I no fit follow that kin’ woman o.”

“Why not?”

“Bros mi, you be my person, I no fit bobo you. One day like that, I go one hotel for Ikeja, go drink pepper soup. Come see yellow yellow babies! Ha! They boku for there well well. I come begin mark one. The day wey I carry am enter room….hmm bros Fine, the thing wey my eye see ehn?”

“What did you see?”

“Bros, coolele! As I comot all my cloth finish, she off light, come commot her cloth sef….. Na im I look her leg o. Bros Fineboy! Na goat leg dey there o! If you see as I run comot bros, my leg dey knack my head for back!”

“Ha! Fridayscoco! You can lie ehn!!!!”

“Oooooh Bros Fineboy, you no go wan hear my own....."

"You mean she had a goat's hooves for feet?"

"Ese Ogunfe! (Goat's leg!) If you like we fit go the hotel sef, people don know am well well for that area. Na winch now.”


The guy had mad stories. At first they were hard to believe, but the guy himself seemed to really believe them. And seeing the amount of nonsense I experienced with the guy last December, I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them were true.

I gave Fridayscoco a bunch of t-shirts and a pair of jeans, and if you see the way the guy used to remix the clothes, you wouldn’t believe it. One morning, I called him to meet me at Cubes ‘cos I knew I was gonna be drunk before the end of the night, and didn’t wanna drive myself home. Omo, when the guy bounced in ehn, my friends were asking me if he lived in America or England. As in the dude was fresh! He even had a chain hanging from his belt loop to his pocket! Awon Usher guys!

One of my boys from the states JJ, came to Lagos to get married in December. He came with his fiancée, Krystal (who’s American) and some members of her family. Fridayscoco went with us every time we took the foreign visitors out, and he was really eyeing the Krystal babe’s cousin, a 22 year old chick called Alisia.

When he first told me, I laughed it off, like, ‘see your mouth like you like am.’ Omo, believe it or not, the babe too was feeling the guy o! She told Krystal, who told Akinzo. When I first heard, I thought I was gonna die of laughter. I really shouldn’t have been surprised, because the guy sef dey denge like Yankee boy. Fridayscoco was positive that this would be his ticket to Yankee. That’s how one day the Krystal babe started bombarding Fridayscoco with her thick Yankee accent.

“So what you do?”


“Your jab….what kinda work you do?”

“Oh, I’m a footballer.” He grinned. (This is true. He aspires to play professional football)

“You’re a football player? Really? Like for a team?”

“Yes.” I don’t know why the guy was nodding his head.

Ha! I was getting worried.

“You gotta be a wide receiver or a kicker, ‘cos you don’t look big enough to be no quarterback or lineback or nothing like that. Haha…you gotta be ‘bout a buck sixty maybe!”

The look on Friday’s face read “Yeeeeeeparipa, which one be dis?”

I jumped in quickly. “Nah, he plays soccer.”

“Oh… you go to school down here, or did you study in the states like Akinzo and ‘em?”


“Yeah, yeah.” He smiled. I could tell he was lost so I jumped in quickly to take the heat off him.

“So Alisia, you like it in Nigeria so far?”

Fridayscoco looked thankful. He used style to excuse himself, and he had many close brushes like that. Funny enough, they actually started to talk on the phone, and they even keep in contact now. Only God knows how they communicate o!

Fridayscoco is just an all-round correct guy men. The only time I ever got pissed off with him was at my homeboy Roroski’s Sallah barbeque party. I allowed the guy free rein most of the time, and since he had no problems blending in, I always just let him do his thing. Roroski had his bbq on a roof terrace at his house, and most people were up there, just chopping and shacking. But you know Naija moves now, there’s always one VIP section. It was downstairs, and a few of us close friends were kicking it there.

At some point, I needed to get a bottle of something and went up to the terrace. Who did I see right in the middle of the floor giving them mad steps??

Ha! Fridayscoco was the center of attraction o, doing ‘yahoo yahoo’ dance and singing “why me o?” Ha! I just got my drink and yelled out to him “Kokomaster! Enjoy, enjoy!”

When it was time to leave, I got somebody to call him for me. We got into the car, and my guy started reversing…….and reversing……and GBOWW!!!

The idiot had slammed into the generator! I came out of the car to look at the damage, and saw that he had chipped the paint pretty badly. But na just paint abi, no problem. Roroski asked me, “Are you sure this guy can drive home?” Why not now? I asked Fridayscoco if he had shacked. He replied no, and he didn’t even look tipsy, so I believed him.

My people, we hadn’t even gotten out of Roroski’s estate, and this morrafucka had dented the whole side panel after brushing up against another car! Heee! I wan die men! If you see the way I screamed at the guy to park ehn!

“Bros mi, no vex.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No o.”

“My friend give me the keys!”

Even I had been drinking, but there was no way I was going to allow this weré to drive home. The next day the joker didn’t even really remember what had happened. I now realised that when the guy was giving them all those yahoo yahoo steps, na vodka dey talk.

That was the only time my main man pissed me off. Oh, and one other time when we were stopped by one policeman at some checkpoint on the mainland.

Officer: Chairman, chairman. I dey hail!

Me: How you dey officer?

He leans against the window, and peers in…

Officer: Na you we dey look now. You know say na Christmas.

Fridayscoco: (Yelling) Why you stop us now? Yeye policeman wey dey wear slippers!

Officer: Na fight?, you want wahala today? Park well well, comot for road! I will deal with you maslessly.”

Me: Shut up Friday. Officer no mind am, abeg.

Officer: Park, park, park.

Me: Officer, no need for all that one now. Here.

I put my hand in my pocket.

Fridayscoco: Bros mi, no give am anything! Come search! Na because of am you come back come Lagos?

Officer: My friend, you are provoking my temper! I will deal with you o. Shut up your mouth!

He turned back to me.

“So you be international sef. I don know. Na only foreign currency me I dey collect o. Na Christmas we dey.”

I give him a N5oo note.

“Chairman, ah ah…….from a whole oversea?”

“Don’t worry I’ll see you later…I’m still in the area.”

“Okay o. (He looks at Friday) Na your chairman save you today.”

We drove off, and I warned Friday never to try that nonsense again, before he got us arrested. The stubborn goat wouldn’t budge.

“Bros, na we dey Naija. We sabi holo them. Nothing dey happen!”

I’ll holla soon, y’all!


LondonBuki said...


adumaadan - Blacktinkerbell said...

Friday souds hilarious forming like some yankee boy. The guy will be uncontrollable when he returns to naija o.

teekay said...

YES IN UR FACE Y'ALL IM FIRST!!! okay off to read the post and ill be back to leave a comment......

Mr.Fineboy said...

lol@teekay..sorry! damn you guys are quick!

teekay said...

Yay...infact im very personally going to deal with that london buki babe...see me thinking i was first....adumaadan ur on my hit list too

Mr. Fine Boy u no go kill me in "ese egunfe" goat leg....LOL HEHEH the hilarity!!! im laughing so hard im crying.

LondonBuki said...

Wow... .36,.37,.38!!!

I was lucky to be first! Now that I've been first on your blog once, I can relax! LOL @ Teekay!

Hilariousss post! What did he mean by goat leg o? Please tell me! LOL!!!!

So Mr Fridayscoco wants to come to England to visit?!?!?! That should be interesting!

Mr.Fineboy said...

@Londonbuki....he claims the babe had goat's hooves!

LondonBuki said...


teekay said...

LOL LOL....goat hooves is even funnier....Teekay control urself...stop laughing

Waffarian said...

wait oh, which one be "yahoo yahoo"? ah ah! I laugh tire!!!!!Heyaaaaaaaa, I was just thinking how this guy could have been so much more if he had had the opportunities we had in life.


i know that dance (yahoo yahoo)!!!!! yes and so im razz sometimes warever. but ona serious note 'ese ogunfe' bawo?

phazzzed... said...

kai! friday is wat the agbero's on lagos island will call 'mistakenly born in naija.' d dude can take care of himself jare!

Anonymous said...

na wa for ure friends names ooo. lol. Fridayscosco, Akinzo...The best is Roroski. funny stuff

Yosh said...

hahahaha! "Padding" interesting, man!

Guess you'll enjoy him in the UK and hope no be Scotland Yard go come catch una dis time!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I like this fridayscooco - shame the laugh is always at him not with him. And the mammy water babes. This friday he has seen too much.

Anonymous said...


U are officially my hero!!

You know my lil sis called me from London to gist me about this "yahoo yahoo" dance and I am actually looking forward to it when I go to Lagos in afew weeks.

I enjoy reading ur blog, religously now because u have a wicked sense of humor.

I really envy ur babe, cos I am sure that is what have attracted her to u.

Please keep writing, I laughed so hard my boss has excused me from a meeting this morning cause he thinks I won't make any meaningful contribution in my state of mind.

ExcitedJade said...

fineboy, no kill person oh.. na office i dey....abeg, which on be yahoo yahoo dance?
Goat hooves ke.... This world na wa.

FIFI said...

lol!!! fineboy if i fail na you ohhh!!! lol I already love FRIDAY....ABEG HOOK ME UP!!!! LOL

Anonymous said...

can i be ur wife?

Nigeriandoll in a Man's World said...

I can't believe it i've been stalking your blog all morning, then i go for some meetings come back to find not only a new post but 17 comments!!!

I forgive you sha.... as always too funny. Friday is just something else....with the goat leg fiasco, it had me in stitches.

Keep 'em coming Mr Fineboy!

adumaadan - Blacktinkerbell said...

I knew it was too good to be true that's why I didn't claim that first spot. This londonbuki girl na serious stalker o. I shall be watching your blog night and day until I can stick my flag in that first place. teekay, don't hate me cos you aint me.

masivhips said...

Hahahaha.... my God! I swear you are HILARIOUS!

Bros Fineboy! Na goat leg dey there o! If you see as I run comot bros, my leg dey knack my head for back!”

i am dying! llolololololol.

Anonymous said...


Okay so this is my second campaign. The first Chief Fineboy, Mr Sunday and the Flit. The other, Fridayscoco in London. :D

fun fun!

law_damsel said...


Anonymous said...

LOL! Man note to self.....I must not read your blog while at work!!!!! But man i'm taking notes (yoruba/broke english) lessons off your blog ooo!!! lol

LittleGirlLost said...


Vickii said...

Ha ha ha loving mr. Fridayscoco!

chicka said...

IM OFFICIALLY DEAD FROM LAFTA!!! old r u...lyk wats ur age group?? if u dont mind me askin that is.

vindication through innocence said...

Friday sounds too funny...and Mr Fineboy, you get fanclub o!!'Religiously'!!kai!!thats deep men!!
So when is friday hitting jand?
For a Naija guy to bled in like that is mad cos I know Naija guys who have been here for a hot minute and they still manage to stick out like a sore thumb!!

Nene said...

Men, ur fan base no be small thing oh! U r completely hilarious...definately my newest 'nonguilty' pleasure! Keep em coming abeg!


Omo, na you get gist pass!...where u 4 deh get your yarnings sef? Ah mogbe', you wan kill someborry with laughter!

Toni Payne said...

"I no go lie you, mammy water go dey among them." LMAO! and he is not kiddin.. kai

Toni Payne said...

ooo fineboy, do u stay in London, NIG or Yankee?

Anonymous said...

you are too funny fineboy. Fridayscoco is a real trip. I'll keep watchin this space for his adventures in Jand

tobi said...

LMAOOOO @ "I no go lie you, mammy water go dey among them." hahaha!gosh! he sounds like one of those rugged, great souls. fun, fun times!

p.s. my best friend and i are in L-O-V-E with your blog! you have NO idea!!

Mr.Fineboy said...

LOL, Thanx 4 comin' thru guys!

@waffy-yahoo yahoo is the new dance step in Lagos o!
@36inches-lol, read it again well!
@anonymous 06.36...thanx 4 the love!
@fifi-ok...i'll hook it up!, yeah o! I've seen ur pics..o wa very hot!
@nigerian-pele! next time!
@aduumadun-londonbuki & teekay r serious!
@law_damsel...we'll be there!'ll tell him!
@chicka-I'm 24!
@toni-payne- LOL! u obviously haven't read the old posts! I live in London now, used to live in the states...(wink)
@tobi-ur so sweet! thanx!

Senorita said...

How nice you are going to write a letter for your "PA". I wish I could be in London when he is there... it will be a sight to see. Funny as always. Just so you know I am mad at you.

Naija Jinx said...

You this boy, if they fire me for checking you blog everyday, every six hours eh and laffing like a hyena in heat!, I am packing up and coming to London--straight to your house! I shall live there and be happy for ever. *cough**Don't worry about Mrs. FineBabe, she doesn't have to know :D

Bluntremi said...

Friday sounds like a case! But as long as he doesnt cross the line, i guess he will always have his uses...

another great post!!

Vera Ezimora said...


Fridayscoco sounds like a character. He saw goat legs on a woman ke? LOL. I like him a lot.

Hot Ice said...


if i get fired Mr. Fineboy, na ur fault O!

I just dey siddon my seat LMAO. My oyinbo oga don sabi sef say spreadsheet no dey that funny.

U sound like a fineboy though....Lol, wanna see ur pix and confirm.

cool muthafucka said...

KAI! Friday dey blow fabu eh! hahaha goat legs yeah right.

But the guy try sha, toasting yankee babes n e'rything lol

bimbylads said...

lol! another hilarious post..!!typical you! character ni e!
i dey o.. its been a minute abi?!!

BOBBY said...

Fridayscoco is not a serious boy at

You want him to come meet you in Jand I cant wait to hear that story...

The guy actually sounds kinda cool...not that i would toast him, but he sounds like an okay guy to be around "the clique" to make everyone laugh and what not...

Correct post!!!!

Jaycee said...


U're so funny...

Bella Naija said...

I cant take it anymore! Tooo funny!
ah ah London Buki has brought her 'first' jazz here....girl how do u do it?

Mr Fine Boy! I have no words...u r tooo much!

Idemili said...

This is unbelievable! I was just looking for your blog a few hours ago because I remembered that someone mentioned checking it out. I didn't remember whom but I did remember your name. Next thing I know, you're on mine! Yippee! Easier to bookmark, I might add.

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Will you be re-locating to Lagos or just going for a holiday?

Idemili said...

I just went back to read.

I LOVE your blog, man! Very, very funny!

exschoolnerd said...

“You gotta be a wide receiver or a kicker, ‘cos you don’t look big enough to be no quarterback or lineback or nothing like that. Haha…you gotta be ‘bout a buck sixty maybe!”

The look on Friday’s face read “Yeeeeeeparipa, which one be dis?”

jesu! lol this had me laffing i swear!!!

Tola said...

ok i am laughing like hell..u go kill person oo!!!u are so funny "padding" are u kidding me!!! u made my day!!

Funmi said...

Hilarious!!! Wow, i'm looking forward to going home this summer after freshman year at college. me i'm just a juvie oh and all the years i could have ben learning this much about nigerian social life i was in jand doin a level stuvs. anyway, let's keep facing nigeria all the way, no branching! :)

Oyebo for Nijja! said...

Mr Fineboy, u just crack me up..seriously...I remember being stopped all the damn time by those cops...they know how to collect from us..useless people!!!

Oyebo for Nijja! said...

ohhh btw...all my friend think I don't craze for head!! I de laugh well well at your post, they all look at me, and I got a few of em to read them, sadly, they don't get our Nijja language...but keep em coming and I will try not to fall of my chair laughing :)

chainreader said...

Fineboy somebori, you are not a serious human being. But i have this sneaking suspicion that you knew that already.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Fine boy, update now!!!!

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx y'all!
@senorita- don't be mad, updaes comin' soon
@naija jinx-lol....
@cool mofo....the guy can lie o! has,u berra update! lol
@idemmili...i know! enjoying ur blog as well!
@oyebo...i might have met u, were u at the beach party thingy last dec?
@chainreader &, soon come!

Chude! said...

this man you just dey crase!!!!lol

Idemili said...

I've just added you to my blog roll. First time I've done it so fast...

Oyebo for Nijja said...

Nope...I haven't been back to Lagos in 6 years!! Hopefully next year I am definitely flying back to deal with the customs at the airport, that love to call me MY SISTER and try to get money from a poor student!! haha I miss that place!

linda ikeji said...

funny and interesting.good work

Chude! said...

(okay this comment is long; so anyone apart from fineboy can just skip it!lol)

That 'you dey crase' comment was for you’re the one of those days post. This one I really like: not just because it is hilarious as usual, but because this (without your intending it) shows the kind of person you really are. I am mighty impressed that as long as this man could hold his own, you were ready to let him mix with your crowd no matter that he was way below you on the social ladder. That is SO impressive! I always tell people that I would offer burnt offerings to a brother/sister with a good heart –people who know we are all travelers in our world and respect the other human being for who he is, not what he has or who he knows and who also accept that given the same opportunities, anybody can blossom are my heroes anyday. Welldone man! No, really. You are not preaching it to high heavens how much of a good person you are or how much you helped this guy, or how much of a fabour you are doing him – you just accepted him. Just like any other human being. That’s just cool.

Imagine what this brilliant guy would be able to achieve with an education – for one he would be able to date ….! Imagibe the possibilities… Oh by the way, you do know that when he comes to ‘visit’ you in America – if he gets the visa – he is not coming back to Nigeria lai lai to lai lai abi?! lol

Mr.Fineboy said...

Thanx y'all!
@Idemili-thanx 4 that!
@oyebo-cool, thought u were a guy!
@linda-thanx 4 comin' thru..
@chude-I appreciate it man! I've told the dude o...if he's planning on living in London, he's on his sef I dey pack my load go Nige this year!

Kpakpando said...

mehn so u wan make friday come jand and go back naija with proper fone to blaskata dem... chei!

Anonymous said...

This chude guy you are just a pant. I've been observing for a mo' but let me leave that one and get to the gritty: PLEASE, Whats Your Own if he never returns to Nigeria lailailailailai????????????

Why not just beg fb like the ball licker you are for letter of invitation? Ladder climbing aspirant oshi.

Chude! said...

ah well. i guess i now have an anonymous stalker of my own!lol

mystoriesmytestimonies said...

u are funny

chidi said...

lol! wonder what he (the guy) would do when he goes back to nigeria??????!!

Idemili said...


'NGO' said...


Anonymous said...

ol' boy... you dey slack. You left us wanting more- what's going on?! You no dey put meat for hyena's mouth without finding way to keep feeding it. LOL, hope you dey okay sha.

wienna said...

Updates plsssss, u dis razz boy!

Simply Gorgeous said...

You and Mr. Friday I see you guys will be getting into a lot of mischief...

omohemi Benson said...

Fineboyscoco, I know you are busy with your essays and all, but please update for blogville sake!


Mr.Fineboy said...

Sorry sorry...been busy! I got y'all!

mimi said...

fridayscoro, man mus survive, he probaly jus needed to feel like he belonged, but trying t toast alicia..way too far

arike said...

Fineboy, you won't be the death of me oooh. You are so funny, I'm busy howling with laughter in my Atlanta apt. I hope my neighbors don't come knocking on my door soon. Love your blog. Keep it up.

Celebrity said...

lol at the kokomaster stuvvs.
As in... My Friend,have you got a following or what? Haba, do u believe me now that u r a celebrity? Woww

Chika said...

is it me or someone is toasting you already?fine boy!!!this your invasion of blogland is serious oh!

uknaija said...

Fineboy you no go kill me o!

I was laughing so much at Friday's parting shot- Na we dey Naija- I swear my brother's driver pulled the same stunt last time I was in Naija

cool muthafucka said...

"i will deal with you maslessly" lol i had to laugh at that one one more time

Deji's World said...

Men! i ran out of blogs to read and had to read this post again. It's so funny, it's like i'm reading it for the first time lmao..keep it coming man.


ok so i went back to read this post again. now i also know that they have COMPUTERS/INTERNET where u r. so what i cannot understand is y u cannot update. for the love of GOD i am begging u, PLS UPDATE. pls i am your biggest fan. just update. PLEASE.

Gift said...

who ever knew how to spell certain words.. lol
“Bros, coolele! As I comot all my cloth finish, she off light, come commot her cloth sef….. Na im I look her leg o. Bros Fineboy! Na goat leg dey there o! If you see as I run comot bros, my leg dey knack my head for back!”

another day at work.. my co-worker thinks i've officially gone mad..


fulani chic said...

o.m.g,.,.i like u becuz u seem sooo down 2 earth!hw many janded ppl wud eva roll with pertrol station attendants or drivers nt 2 talk of parriyin wif dem!dey just feel soo arrogant!keep it up bro,.,.way 2 go!

Anonymous said... teen porn free video gay young teen porn addison rose hardcore galleries

Anonymous said...

discounted xoxo handbags and wallets distributors

Anonymous said...

Amazon launched two new Kindle e-readers priced at $139 and $189 late Wednesday, with the cheaper version a Wi-Fi-only e-reader and $10 less than the Wi-Fi-only Nook.

Anonymous said...

Сильно! Посмотрел кучу сайтов, пока набрел на ваш. Интересна инфа, отличные публикации! Все говорит о том, что над ресурсом работают профи своего дела. Обратите внимание на портал ЭволюшионТехникал -ресурс: [url=]технологии транспорта[/url], общей тематики. Может что то Вам пригодится со страниц портала.